Two security guards with an alarm company get a radio dispatch about an alarm activation. They both think it's probably nothing, but the dispatcher tells them to check anyway because "that's what the customers pay for." Also it's literally their job.
A white convertible with three teenagers in it is parked outside the call address. One of the guards knocks on the window with his flashlight. He tells the kids to turn down the blasting music. When the kids don't listen, he reaches and shuts the radio off.
"All you had to do was ask," laughs the male driver. The female passenger taunts, "You pass that civil service exam yet?" The driver asks if the guards like his new car: "Maybe you'll get one for your birthday too." All the teenagers laugh. I'm pretty sure they are all high on something. The guy in the backseat tells the guards to come back when they're real cops. The guard yanks the driver's door, gets it partway open, and the kids drive away.
Elsewhere, two burglars dressed all in black creep up the front porch of a house. A sign on the front lawn says SPLIT SECOND SECURITY. The burglars deactivate the alarm and pick the lock to get in. They start snatching up silver, collectible coins, jewelry, and a briefcase full of cigars. They go upstairs, surprising a teenage girl in front of her mirror. She screams.
The burglars run out the front door just as a woman, presumably the girl's mother, pulls into the driveway. She runs inside, calling, "Quincy! Quincy! Are you all right? Where are you?" Quincy comes out of her room, unharmed. She tells her mother, "I saw them. It was the security guards. They just ran out." Quincy's mom hugs her. Theme song.
In Rufus's office, the captain tells Tom that 17-year-old Quincy is the only witness to the burglaries, but she can't positively ID the suspects. The guards are insistent that Quincy and her friends are the real culprits. In the other 4 burglary cases, the alarms were deactivated. "Inside job," says Harry. Doug says, "Yeah, but which side?"
Finding out which side is responsible is, of course, Jump Street's job. "Great, we get to babysit rich kids and rent-a-cops," Tom gripes. Fuller asks if Harry is up for the assignment if it gets physical. "I've never felt better," Harry assures him.
Tom is sits in the office of Hamilton High filling out some forms. Quincy knocks on the door, asking for a late pass. "This is becoming a habit," says the secretary. Quincy fires back, "Talk to my shrink." The secretary gives Tom a schedule and tells him it's almost 6th period. Tom turns in his form and tells the secretary that his cousin told him to look up Quincy. "She just left," says the secretary.
In the hallway, Quincy is standing by her locker with the two guys from the car. Tom approaches Quincy, saying his cousin knows a friend of hers. "Great," she says dismissively. The two boys steal a passing teacher's wallet. Quincy introduces them as Alex and Ted, but doesn't bother to tell us which is which. Quincy rattles off details she learned about Tom from peeking at his school forms. "Photographic memory," she explains.
At Split Second Security, Doug and Harry are filling out job applications. Doug reads off the list of requirements: state-issued guard card, firearms permit, baton permit, and current CPR/first aid card. New guards must also pass a 2-week classroom course, get a medical check-up, and get drug tested. A mustached man tells them, "I'm Lieutenant Peters. Welcome aboard." "But we gotta take all these tests and classes," says Doug.
Lieutenant Peters explains that those are old applications. Split Second was bought out by a corporation that only requires a weapons permit and a clean driving record. He shows Doug and Harry to the locker room. Next we see, they're outfitted in Split Second uniforms and have been issued guns. "You need possession, intent, and opportunity before you can draw on a suspect," he tells them. Peters calls over Danbury and Mickman, the guards from earlier, and introduces them to their new trainees.
Tom comes out of class at Hamilton High and finds Quincy sitting on the hood of the Mustang. "You memorized my license plate too?" he asks. Quincy tells him, "It's a gift." She asks why Tom was kicked out of his last school. He says it's not her business. When she promises to keep a secret, Tom says that he stole a teacher's wallet. Quincy asks for a ride and Tom agrees.
At Split Second, one of the guards (of course we weren't told who was Danbury and who was Mickman), thinks 3 years there will look good on a police application. The other one asks if Doug and Harry want to be cops too. One thinks neither looks like academy material; the other says Harry is because "they have quotas for guys like him." "I betcha we make cop before either one of you do," Doug challenges.
The guards are dispatched to an alarm activation and get in the car. At the address, they're greeted by the maid, who only speaks Spanish. Everyone has to shout over the ringing alarm. Doug finally understands that she's trying to tell them the homeowners are away. Mickman, the blond, deactivates the alarm. "You mean you had the code this whole time?" Doug asks. Mickman tells him, "We have all the codes." Because, duh. Doug and Harry looked surprised.
In Tom's Mustang, it's clear Quincy isn't buying the stolen wallet story; she keeps asking what Tom really did to get expelled. The white convertible seen earlier rear-ends the Mustang, twice...on purpose. Quincy tells Tom to pull into the oncoming traffic lane so she can talk to Alex. Alex asks what she's doing with Tom. "Not enough," Quincy replies, readying herself to climb into the convertible while both cars are still moving.
A Split Second car is in the lane also illegally occupied by the Mustang. Hickman is driving and tells Harry, "There's only the Fletcher house on this road, but they pay for a drive-by twice a day." Doug sees Quincy standing with one foot on the Mustang and one on the convertible. Even though it's painfully obvious what's happening, he asks, "What's that?" Harry tells Mickman to pull over. Danbury wants Mickman to keep driving.
The cars are now on a collision course, which Quincy doesn't seem to notice. Tom tells her to get back in the Mustang. "You scared, Tommy?" she taunts, "Tell me you're scared." "All right, I'm scared. Just get in the car!" he says. At the last second, the Mustang swerves off the shoulder. We see Quincy landed safely in the white convertible. The Split Second car has also stopped. Tom gets out of the Mustang; Harry gets out of the security car. They look at each other.
At a fast food place, Harry stands near the counter, drinking a soda. Doug asks if that's his whole lunch. Harry's not hungry. After that experience, I don't blame him. Doug takes his loaded tray outside to where Mickman and Danbury are sitting. "You know the academy has a physical as well as a written, right?" Mickman asks rudely. Doug looks uncomfortable, as he always does when someone makes a fat joke. He makes an excuse about forgetting salt and goes back toward the inside of the restaurant.
Doug sees Harry with a bottle of pain pills and says conversationally, "I thought you stopped takin' those." "Doctor's orders," Harry says. When Doug adds more salt to his lunch, Mickman picks on Doug's diet some more, asking if he knows how much salt is already on it. Doug takes a bite and almost gags from the amount of salt.
At Quincy's locker, Tom asks her about the stunt she pulled the day before. "Come on, you didn't feel that rush?" she says. Tom tells her it was stupid. She asks what he's doing that night. She also says, "You like to take things that don't belong to you. I like that in a man." Quincy tells Tom to pick her up at 11:00.
Tom tells the captain that Quincy might be planning a break-in. "These kids are crazy," Doug says emphatically. Fuller says, "I don't know what happened out on that road yesterday, but I don't want it repeated. Understood?" The captain has done some digging into Quincy's background and learned that her father died 6 months ago: "I hear that can be pretty hard on a kid that age." Tom doesn't answer.
That night, Split Second gets called about a silent alarm; it's possible the prowler is still on the premises. At the address, Doug asks Mickman if he thinks it's the neighborhood kids. "I know it is," says Mickman, "Now shut up before you get my head blown off." The back door opens and the guards start firing. The sound of the gunshots gives Harry flashbacks to getting shot himself. The back door creaks open. A very scared but unhurt dog emerges. "You coulda killed somebody," Doug scolds as he picks up the dog.
Tom picks up Quincy as scheduled. She's wearing all black and carrying a pair of gloves. Ted and Alex are meeting them. Tom asks where her mom is. Quincy says she's on a date and her dad is away: "My shrink says that's part of the problem. No authority figure to check my sociopathic behavior."
Tom parks the Mustang down the block. Alex and Ted come out of the bushes to report that the homeowners have been in bed for half an hour. Quincy tells the boys the alarm code. Alex picks the lock, but they don't go inside. Instead, they go to Split Second headquarters, still in their burglar garb. They sneak past Lieutenant Peters, who's asleep at his desk.
In the locker room, Quincy tells Alex to call the dispatcher and tell him to check out a problem in the computer room. When the dispatcher goes into the computer room, Ted locks him in. Ted throws his voice, asking an available unit to check out the break-in.
Danbury, Mickman, Doug, and Harry respond. Quincy tells Tom to let the dispatcher out of the computer room.
The Split Second officers roam through the house Ted just broke into, looking for the intruder. Doug's attention is drawn by a scream from upstairs. He goes into the bedroom and finds an older couple. The man points the gun at the Split Second crew and instructs his wife, "Call 911. Tell them we caught the burglars." Doug puts his hands up.
Tom asks Doug, "How could I warn you about something I didn't know?" Fuller tells them to relax. Doug reminds Tom that cops have to follow certain rules. "We know it's the kids. Let's just bring them in," says Harry. The kids' parents can afford good lawyers; they can't make robbery stick unless they catch them redhanded. Tom leaves, saying he's late for something. Fuller asks if Harry is doing all right. Harry tells him yes.
Tom climbs onto the school roof with Quincy. She used to smoke up there until she found out cigarettes can cause cancer. Tom thinks it's crazy that she'll stand between two moving cars, but she won't smoke. Quincy argues that it's different, slow death vs. calculated risk. It's not worth being careful with yourself when "all it takes is one idiot in one car to plow the life right outta ya." Now we know what happened to her father...
Quincy asks how Tom's father died. Tom says it was a work-related accident. Quincy walks on a narrow ledge of the roof, speculating on what could happen to her: a car accident like her dad, successfully robbing a house, or doing 10 years in prison. She sums it up like this: "My fate in my hands. That's freedom."
Doug goes to Harry's apartment and remarks, "Wow, this place hasn't looked this bad since I lived here." Harry wishes everyone would stop asking him how he feels. Doug asks about the pills on the counter. Harry gets defensive and says he has a prescription. He'll finish his last bottle or two and that will be it.
At the fast food place, Danbury and Mickman talk about the burglary suspects. They wish they were cops so they could haul the kids to juvie. "They may think they're above the law, but they're not above me," says Danbury. Doug thinks they shouldn't let kids bother them so much. Danbury is angry that kids in a nice neighborhood who have Mommy and Daddy around to buy them anything they want are trying to get him fired. He and Mickman are tired of their crap; Danbury doesn't trust the cops.
Harry can't understand why the kids would risk their cushy lives to get a bunch of rent-a-cops in trouble. "We don't count," says Danbury, "As far as I'm concerned, they don't count either." He leaves the table. Doug asks why Danbury hates cops so much. "He tried a coupla times, but he never made it outta the academy," Mickman explains.
Quincy, Ted, Alex, and Tom break into a place called Playland. "It's your turn, Tommy, we've all done it," says Quincy as the four climb some type of wooden structure. Split Second gets dispatched to the Playland break in. "We'll handle this," Danbury says into the radio.
Ted breaks into an electrical box and flips a switch. We see the wooden structure they're standing on is a sizeable roller coaster. "These things make me sick," Tom says uneasily. Quincy tells him, "You don't have to ride it. All you gotta do is kneel...right here." Right here meaning the loading/unloading platform. Ted pulls a lever to start the ride and tells Tom to play chicken.
Tom asks what they're trying to prove. "I'm challenging you to feel life," says Quincy. Tom doesn't want to. Quincy won't get off the tracks until he joins her. POV shots of the ride. Alex announces, "It's coming around the last curve." Tom agrees to accept the challenge and Quincy gets up. The kids stand on the platform as the train whizzes by.
Tom has a few minutes to get back into position. Coaster Cam. "If you don't do it, I will," Quincy threatens, "And who knows if I'll make it off in time?" This chick doesn't need juvie, she needs a psych ward. Coaster Cam. Tom kneels on the tracks.
The Split Second Security car arrives at Playland's west gate and parks next to the kids' VW convertible. Doug sees the padlock has been cut. The train rumbles over their heads. Doug asks if they should call the cops. Danbury tells him to shut up. Back to Coaster Cam.
On the platform, Ted forces Tom further down and handcuffs him to the track. "We're friends now, you gotta trust us," says Quincy. Ted and Alex cheer that the coaster is halfway around; they need to be institutionalized too for being willing to go along with this. Coaster Cam. The kids cheer as Tom screams in mortal terror.
Doug, Harry, Danbury, and Mickman arrive on the platform. "Unlock it," Doug orders. Quincy singsongs, "Not yet." Coaster Cam. Doug pulls the lever on the platform, hoping against hope that's the brake. "Once it starts, it's on its own," says Quincy. Harry tells her to unlock the cuffs. Quincy holds out the key and says, "You do it" right before dropping the key on purpose.
Harry, Doug, Mickman, and Danbury scramble madly, looking between the rails with their flashlights. Coaster Cam. "I hope they don't find it," says Danbury. Tom, the only one who seems to hear this, is shocked. Coaster Cam. Alex crows, "Next to the last curve." "COME ON!" Tom bellows desperately.
Coaster Cam. Harry can't find the key. Boy, would this be a hell of a way to write Johnny Depp off the show. The train is coming into the station now. Tom screams. Doug, Mickman, Harry, and Danbury climb off the tracks. Cut to Tom, alive with the other end of the cuffs open. "Wrong key!" laughs Quincy, holding it up. Ted helps Tom to his feet. The suicidal juvenile delinquents leave the cops and security guards behind.
The boys drop off Quincy and Tom at her house. Quincy invites Tom in: "You won't be able to sleep tonight, you know." Tom gets in the Mustang and slams the door. Quincy thinks he felt totally alive and free thanks to the coaster stunt. "You don't know anything about freedom," says Tom, "All you wanna do is control people."
In bed, Tom has flashbacks about being in prison. Someone knocks on his door and he gets up to answer. It's Doug and Harry in their security guard uniforms. "I know what you're gonna say," says Tom, "I didn't know about the cuffs. And if I didn't do it, she was gonna." Harry is angry that Tom let himself get put into that situation: "Do you know what it's like to really almost die? There's nothing exciting about it."
Harry gets more and more worked up, saying he's seen his friends and family die: "LIFE IS SOMETHING TO PROTECT, NOT TO RISK!" Tom knows that, but Quincy obviously doesn't. He asks, referring to the thrill of danger, "Isn't that why people become police officers?" Harry storms out.
"What's with him?" Tom asks. Doug parrots, "What's with you?" "I'm gonna quit," Tom mumbles. Doug wonders what Tom plans to do if the problem isn't his job. Tom tells him that Quincy and Company are planning another break-in for the following night, but he doesn't know where. Doug leaves.
Outside, he catches Harry popping pills in his truck. "I thought you were gonna stop taking them when the prescription ran out," he says. Harry can keep taking them as long as he's in pain. Doug asks if it's mental or physical pain. He thinks Harry has a problem. Harry denies it.
The next day at Split Second, Doug and Harry get keys to their own car. "I'm gonna miss you girls," says Danbury. Mickman smirks and laughs. Hey, It's That Guy moment! Mickman played a bike cop in Emilio Estevez's directorial debut Men at Work.
Tom pulls up to Quincy's house in the Mustang and she chides him for being late. She tells him to drive. Tom eventually pulls over in a grassy lot near Alex and Ted's VW. The burglary club will walk from there. They break into the Fletcher mansion; Ted and Alex go upstairs. The VW is spotted by Split Second. "Looks like they picked the wrong house tonight," says Danbury. Mickman wants to call for backup, but Danbury tells him no.
In the mansion, the kids rifle through drawers. Quincy takes what looks like a leaping dolphin statue out of a cabinet. "Is that a gun I see in your hand?" Danbury asks from behind her. He fires a shot that shatters everything in the cabinet. Mickman chases Alex and Ted.
Quincy and Tom barely avoid being caught by Danbury in the kitchen. Tom hits the silent alarm. Harry and Doug hear the dispatch and respond. Ted tries to bail out a window and falls about 12 feet to the concrete. "Don't move," orders Mickman. Sound advice given the kid's potential for a spine injury. Doug and Harry find him and ask where the others are. "Upstairs," Ted replies.
Doug tells Harry to stay with the kid. Harry doesn't listen. He follows Doug into the Fletcher mansion with his gun drawn. In an upstairs parlor, Danbury orders Quincy to freeze. Tom joins her: "Okay, you got us. Why don't you put the gun down? I'm a police officer."
Quincy takes a couple steps toward Danbury. "You won't use that on me, I know how guys like you think," she taunts, "You think you're so big and so strong with your gun and your uniform. You're a joke. You couldn't make it as a real cop and you can't even catch a bunch of dumb kids." She dares him to shoot her.
Tom warns her that Danbury will shoot to kill. "You don't have the guts, do you?" Quincy asks the guard. Danbury fires. Quincy drops the statue, which shatters on the hardwood floor. "I thought she had a gun," Danbury says, "I think you do too." Just as he's about to shoot Tom, Harry burst in and shouts, "DROP IT!" Danbury doesn't, forcing Harry to kill him.
Doug, Alex, and Hickman arrive. Alex drops to his knees beside Quincy. "Oh my God," says the teen. Doug leaves to call an ambulance. It's no good, though. "She's dead," says Alex.
At a bar, Tom apologizes to Doug and Harry. Harry says it wasn't Tom's fault. "She thought she was in control," Tom says of Quincy before leaving the bar. Harry considers the pill bottle in his hand. You know, mixing those things with alcohol is a really bad idea. "I think I have a problem," Harry tells Doug. End of episode.
Case #4.06: "Old Haunts In the New Age"
An average-looking husband, wife, and preteen son watch TV with their faithful pet Golden Retriever. A shrill, Chipmunk-like voice can be heard either from the TV or down the hall saying, "Hellllppp meeeeee." In a bedroom, a teenage girl is studying at her desk listening to a song with lyrics about sleeping with fire. There's some kind of aromatherapy candle burning nearby. Its presence is distracting the girl/freaking her out as she scribbles. She gets up and blows out the candle.
Later, someone pours gasoline over a wooden sign and lights a match. Before the sign is engulfed in flames, we see it reads: TAFT HIGH SCHOOL. ANNUAL COSTUME DANCE OCTOBER 31, 8 P.M. HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN. The same teenage girl wakes up when she hears fire truck sirens passing by her window. We see that she sketched the burning sign on a piece of paper in her binder. Theme song.
At Taft the next morning, a science class watches a film about metamorphosis. The girl who dreamed about the burning sign isn't concentrating very well and neither is Doug; he's doodling some kind of battle scene with tanks and paratroopers. Tom is asleep on his desk nearby. The girl doesn't seem to be in conscious control of her pencil as she draws some kind of building. "There's death in the chapel," she says out loud before getting up. Tom and Doug exchange 'what was that about?' looks.
In the Chapel, Blowfish is on a ladder mounting what look like old organ pipes on the walls. Tom and Doug, working on a project of their own, ask Harry to bring them a hammer. Judy is carving a pumpkin. Doug looks at a newspaper ad and asks if anyone wants to go to the grand opening of a store called Crazy Teddy's. "That store is way the hell out in Fairmount," says Harry. Doug says, "I know, but they have really good car stereos for $50." Dougie, you ride a motorcycle. He adds that there will also be fireworks, hot dogs, and a clown named Sprinkles. Tom puts on a childish voice and says, "Sprinkles? Really?"
Cap'n Rufus tells Tom that his latest report doesn't have anything new in it, except for the arsonist's favorite brand of lighter fluid. Judy thinks it's somebody with a grudge against Taft High. "Who doesn't have a grudge against their school?" asks Doug. Me, for one. The sign out front was the 4th fire in 3 weeks. "We need to catch this guy before he burns down the whole place," says Rufus. An arsonist targeting a school dance? Gee, this show's never used that plot before...
Doug reports, "There was something strange. There's death in the chapel." Blowfish immediately climbs down from the ladder. "What did she mean?" Judy asks. Doug says, "She meant death, like end of life." Blowfish looks a little disturbed, "So it doesn't necessarily mean one of you guys?" Cap'n Rufus asks if Tom is sure his cover is intact. Tom thinks those symbols could mean anything. "There's something weird and it don't look good," says Doug.
Suddenly, 3 guys wearing Ghostbusters style jumpsuits walk in. They tell Cap'n Rufus they were contracted by the EPA to check for waste dumped by a chemical plant. The younger cops exchange looks. Fuller doesn't know anything about it. "It happened 15 years ago," explains a guy whose name patch says Spengler. Judy asks if the waste will have any effect on them. Spengler ignores her. "Beams on," he tells the other two guys, flipping a switch on a device strapped to his back. "There is death in the Chapel," Doug repeats.
That night, the music from the attempted drowning scene in The Outsiders plays as an old yellow pickup passes a road sign. It tells us we're 15 miles from Fairmount. Doug is driving it. His radio flickers a few times, then goes dead. He checks the newspaper on the seat next to him, presumably looking for Crazy Teddy's address. Eerie lights and fog swirl around the truck. Doug doubles over with headache, hitting his forehead on the steering wheel. The radio starts again.
In the Taft cafeteria, Tom asks Doug if he really thinks he was abducted. Doug describes what he saw as "long and thick in the middle. It had rounded edges, it looked like a hot dog. No, it was fatter than that. It looked like a knockwurst." He woke up at 2:00 in the morning on the side of the road. "I'm checkin' myself for puncture wounds 'cause I think they got me with their surgical tools."
Tom repeats the last two words with a mouthful. Doug tells him it's standard with abductions and he could write a bestseller about his experience. He adds, "I don't know how they did it, but I think they moved my navel." That area isn't generally where they do their probing... "How could they do such a thing?" Doug asks. Tom replies, "It's a mystery."
They sit down. Across the way, the girl from earlier is staring at the back of her empty, flattened-out lunch bag. She crumples it up and tosses it away. Tom fishes it out of the trash can. If you squint, the picture on the bag almost looks like a truck.
At night, the unseen arsonist torches an old car. Cut to just after the fire department finishes putting it out. The car appears to have been parked outside Taft's auto shop. We see the arsonist's dirty white Chuck Taylors in the crowd. Maybe Ponyboy lost it after Johnny and Dally's deaths?
Doug doesn't think they have a chance of catching the arsonist unless they can find out what his next target is. Tom shows him the lunch bag drawing, which matches certain details of the incident. The artist finally has a name: Dory. Doug thinks she's psychic. Tom thinks it's more likely she's the arsonist.
At the Chapel, they show the drawing to Judy. "Didn't [Dory] predict death in the Chapel?" asks Harry, "Even we didn't know about the toxic waste." Doug declares Dory's 2-for-2. "1-for-2," Blowfish corrects. He has a report showing there was no toxic waste under the building. "Even still, there's been some pretty weird stuff goin' on," says Doug. Judy and Harry agree in unison, "Very weird." Then, "We said that. At the same time. Whoa."
Tom leaves with Blowfish to look for more organ pipes. The janitor pulls up a section of floor in the basement. He hasn't seen it yet, but we can see there's a skeletal hand stuck to the underside of the flooring. Tom hears something fall and asks what it was. Blowfish tells him to check down the hole. "Any pipes?" he asks. No, but there is a whole skeleton. Blowfish looks in the hole. "Tom, I think I gotta sit down," he says before passing out. Tom mutters, "Yikes."
Later, the gang gathers in the basement. Cap'n Rufus surmises that the corpse was not put there recently, due to the pine box and old clothes. He's sure they can get to the bottom of why it's there and tells Blowfish to put the floorboards back. "I ain't goin' near that damn thing," says Blowfish, "I opened up a curse." Harry wonders how they're supposed to investigate a spirit. "Call Shirley MacLaine?" Judy suggests. Tom tells Doug that they'll catch the arsonist by taking night shifts at the school; he'll take the first one.
Tom patrols the Taft courtyard, which is decorated like a cemetery for Halloween. Someone walks past. Tom starts to follow. He and Dora run into each other and scream like in the old Scooby-Doo cartoons. Dory runs away. A small fire has started by a Dumpster or something, which Tom manages to put out with a nearby hose. By the time he finishes, Dory is gone.
In the Chapel, Judy, Doug, Harry, and Blowfish are sitting around a Ouija board. "We would like to speak to the person buried beneath the Chapel," says Judy, "Are you here?" "Is there a curse on Blowfish?" asks the janitor. Judy tells him they have to ask one question at a time. Doug has a question of his own, "Are you a spirit from another planet?"
Judy requests that the spirit speak to them. The board flips back and forth between the letters Y and A. "Ya, ya," Doug says, "Are you Swedish?" Judy asks for the spirit's name. The board spells out YATES. Fuller asks what they're doing. "We're communicating with the beyond, Captain," Doug explains. Harry adds, "The skeleton in the basement is named Yates." Judy asks if Yates was murdered. The board points to YES. Before they can find out more, Fuller tells them to get back to work.
At Taft, Doug and Tom talk to Dory, who's helping set up decorations for the Halloween dance. She says the thing about the Chapel "came totally out of left field." Tom asks why she was there the night before. "I'm not the one who's been torching this place, so just leave me alone," says Dora. Doug asks if the lunch bag drawing was a premonition. Dora gets defensive: "I'm not a freak."
"We each have these...these feelings about each other," Dory starts. When Tom and Doug look at each other, she snaps, "Grow up. Not in a horny way. Senses, suspicions." Tom thinks Dory did the drawings because she knows the guy who's been starting the fires. Dory doesn't know, not exactly: "I don't wanna sound like some actress on a talk show, but I feel energies. Images, I guess. I don't know what they are at first. But then they happen."
They may know Dory's secret, but she also knows theirs. She promises not to tell anyone; she wants the arsonist caught. She doesn't like the visions, but she can't control them. "I think I know a way we can both help each other," says Doug.
At night, Dory, Tom, and Doug sit on the hood of Doug's pickup near where he was supposedly abducted by aliens. Dory doesn't feel anything except cold. Doug asks his partner, "Didn't you ever feel anything you couldn't explain?" Tom once thought the bowler on the lane next to him was Elvis because the guy put butter on a sandwich and scratched himself a lot.
"Don't encourage him, he doesn't understand," says Doug. Dory doesn't understand either and doesn't think she wants to. When she was young, she had visions of an important man being hit with a hammer. Reagan was shot the following week and reported that being shot felt like getting hit with a hammer. That scared Dory and she tried to shut out her powers.
Tom asks, "If this thing is your gift or whatever, why do you want to shut it out?" "Why do you question being an officer?" Dory fires back. Doug hears something and declares, "This is it. They're here." He waves his arms toward the sky and calls, "Hey! We mean you no harm!" The spaceship is really a blimp with lights that spell out FOLLOW ME TO CRAZY TEDDY'S.
"Aliens travel 6 light years to get a good deal on a car stereo. Believe or not," Tom says in a spooky stage-whisper. Doug feels stupid and knows he'll never live this down. "You're psychic!" Tom cries. Dory starts having one of her visions. She sees a wooden field, darkness, long wooden planks at an angle. "Bleachers?" Tom guesses. Dory adds that they're on fire.
The three of them pile in the truck and head back to town. A police car pulls them over near Taft High, where the bleachers are intact. "All right, guys, where's the fire?" asks the officer. Ha ha ha...
Harry tells Judy and Blowfish that he went through the town's death records. 4 people named Yates have died under mysterious circumstances: a husband-and-wife murder/suicide, a poisoning, and the fourth was a summer camp counselor named Lawrence Yates. Counselor Yates was also a child molester obsessed with his dead mother. He escaped from a mental institution and went on a crime spree that ended when he was hanged by a lynch mob. Nobody knows where his body ended up.
We hear Cap'n Rufus laughing loudly. He asks Doug, "You still believe in that psychic crap?" "You're the type who doesn't think there's anything 'out there' when he's standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon," says Doug. Rufus chuckles, "And you're the type that thinks aliens are piloting blimps to Crazy Teddy's Car Stereos." Rufus adds that he can be spiritual. Dory will be a suspect until she sees the arsonist without help from "the other world."
Cap'n Rufus comes out of his office with his coat and umbrella. Nobody responds when he says good night. In words that ironic considering the role this actor had on Supernatural, Cap'n Rufus declares he has no patience for hysteria: "I don't care if it's Halloween. I don't care if the dead are walking the earth. No more antics in this chapel. No more Ouija boards, palm reading, tarot cards, healing crystals...no hocus pocus."
Nobody listens to Rufus. When Tom comes downstairs from the locker room, there's an old man at the head of the table, making some alarming grunting sounds. He's wearing an odd necklace that may be made from animal teeth. Tom remarks, "I looked that way once after an especially gnarly chili dog." Harry shushes him, saying the man has to concentrate on raising the spirit. Thunder crashes outside.
"He's trying to find Yates so we can communicate with him." Harry adds. They apparently paid this guy $75 for this act. "Good morrow, being of light," says the psychic in a British accent, "I am Zombo, lord of the blue ray, primary energy in the kingdom of Atlantis. My friends, what is your quest?" Judy puts on her own British accent: "We wish to transverse with the being called Yates."
Zombo agrees to grant Judy's request. He hums and grunts some more. He tells them they must learn to speak in tones to communicate with another realm: "Put your hands over your aural canals. Let your voice create tones. Yates will come to you." Everyone except Tom does. Zombo asks which Yates they're looking for. "The one we disturbed beneath the Chapel," says Judy. Zombo waves his arm around his head: "There's a pain...in this area." As in from the hanging. Tom starts making odd yipping sounds. "I can't believe it," says Zombo. Tom says, "Neither can I. Now give 'em back their money."
At Taft High, someone in the science lab lights a candle and leaves the Bunsen burner on. The next day, a class watches a film on llamas. Dory sketches the science lab and gets up to leave the room without even asking for a hall pass. She splashes cold water on her face in the girls' bathroom and takes deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
Tom and Doug go looking for Dory. In the process, they find the candle set up in the science lab. Tom turns off the gas and Doug opens the window. Tom bags the candle as evidence. They pass Dory in the hall. "The candle in that bag, it's his, isn't it?" she asks. Tom tells her it's his lunch.
Back at the Chapel, Doug is frustrated. The fingerprints on the candle don't match any known arsonists. Tom reminds him they still have a main suspect: Dory. He tells Doug he's sick of all the psychic garbage. I'm getting pretty sick of it myself since Dory has no other character traits. He wants Doug to go to her with the candle, but not the candle that's in evidence, as a test. Get her to touch it and see if her prints match.
Dory holds the candle. She describes the arsonist as a Taft student with brown hair who's sad and hates the fires. If he hates fires, why set them for kicks? Dory explains, "When he does, he feels control over others." She's not seeing a name or a face, just "fires, running devils, deformed faces. He's there. You're there." Suddenly, Dory screams and drops the candle. She doesn't want to continue. Doug asks, "What'd you see?" "You...dead," says Dory. Doug looks worried.
Tom gets a call from the crime lab; Dory's fingerprints don't match the ones on the arsonist's candle. "Oh no, I'm dead," Doug mutters, standing up. Tom asks where he's going. "I'm gonna go put my things in order," says Doug.
Tom finds Dory wandering around the Taft High gym, which is decorated for the dance. "The bleachers, a wooden field," she says. She doesn't blame Tom for not believing her. Tom asks how she saw Doug die. Dory thinks the arsonist will strike that night; the devils burning must be kids in costume. I knew that the first time she said it. She saw Doug burned badly, wrapped in a black coat or cape.
In front of the Chapel's new pipe organ, Blowfish puts the finishing touches on his Phantom of the Opera costume. He starts to play a fast tune. Harry appears dressed as Elvis and asks if everyone else is gone. Judy comes down from the locker room in a skintight red devil bodysuit. "I always knew it," says Harry before singing a few bars of "You're the Devil In Disguise." Judy pokes him with her pitchfork.
Tom's costume is Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver. He does a truly horrendous impression of Robert DeNiro. Doug slides down the firepole in a Dracula costume replete with makeup, fangs, and a cape. Harry asks if he's Bela Lugosi Dracula or Christopher Lee Dracula. Neither, the big guy is Count Chocula. Tom tells Doug to put on a different costume. Rufus enters, accompanied by a priest. In the spirit of the occasion, the captain is wearing a sequined matador's outfit. "I got some news you won't wanna hear," he says, "Since it's Halloween, I thought it might be appropriate."
The priest introduces himself as Father Alex. He tells them that a house was located about 40 yards west of the Chapel over 100 years ago. A Protestant minister and his wife built it as a stop on the Underground Railroad. The house mysteriously caught fire in 1888, killing the minister. The community wanted to build a church in his honor. The minister's wife donated the land and had her husband buried below the chapel "to be the church's spiritual foundation." Maybe I've seen too many episodes of Deadly Women, but that story makes me wonder where she was the night the house burned down.
The young officers look appropriately spooked. Minister or not, there was still a dead guy in the basement. "I believe the curse has been lifted," says Cap'n Rufus. The minster's name was apparently Jacob Gwynn. "Then who's Yates?" asks Harry. My question exactly. Tom tries to convince Doug not to go to the dance by telling him about Dory's freaky psychic vision of death. Doug decides to wear the Count Chocula getup anyway.
In the Taft High gym, the students are dancing to "The Monster Mash." Harry patrols the outside with a flashlight. He wields it like a microphone and practices some Elvis gyrations. Back inside, Doug snaps at Tom to stop quoting Taxi Driver. Dory joins them dressed as Merlin. I guess a gypsy fortune teller would've been too on-the-nose. She tells Doug he shouldn't be there. Doug tells her, "I wasn't put on this earth to be taken out in a Prince of Darkness costume." Actually, the Prince of Darkness would be Satan or Ozzy Osbourne, depending on who you ask. He leaves to take a look around.
"You told him?" Dory asks. Tom reassures her that the big fella can take care of himself. One of the jack-o-lanterns has burned out. Dory asks for a lighter; Tom has a match. They look inside. "Somebody stole the candle," says Dory.
Someone breaks into a nearby janitor's closet and soaks packages of toilet paper with gasoline. The arsonist has jammed a tin can in the doorway so they won't get locked in. Doug comes out of the gym and sees the closet door open a crack. Doug enters the closet and the door shuts behind him. At that precise moment, the arsonist, dressed like a vampire, drops the lit candle on the toilet paper.
Doug calls for help, rattling the door. It takes the kids in the gym a while to notice the smoke filtering toward them. When the alarm is raised, Fuller and Tom spring into action. The captain orders Tom to grab the fire extinguisher and the students to evacuate.
Tom runs down the hall and hears Doug inside the closet. Tom breaks down the door. (One of the absolute worst things you can do during a fire is feed it oxygen. His buddy DeNiro's character from Backdraft can tell you all about that). Doug stumbles out unscathed. The other vampire's cape is burning. Tom sprays the kid with the fire extinguisher and covers him with his jacket.
"Doug," gasps Dory as she passes the scene. Tom assures her it's not and that the guy isn't dead. Cap'n Rufus puts out the fire in the closet. Doug is coughing. The other vampire is whimpering in pain. "Hey, it's that dork Allen," says a boy. Dory shouts, "Leave him alone!" She kneels next to Allen and holds his hand.
Outside the gym, Dory tells Doug that she's never been so relieved to be wrong. "Don't jinx me, I'm still in the costume," he says. Dory feels sorry for Allen; she could see in his eyes that he couldn't keep himself from setting fires. Tom saw it too. Doug asks Dory if she thinks the visions will stop now that this is over. "What am I, a fortune teller?" she asks nastily.
In the Chapel basement, Blowfish paints an epitaph on the floor: 1888, JACOB GWYNN, A SEED. Blowfish goes back upstairs. A faint glow seems to appear from between the cracks in the floorboards. End of episode.
Later, someone pours gasoline over a wooden sign and lights a match. Before the sign is engulfed in flames, we see it reads: TAFT HIGH SCHOOL. ANNUAL COSTUME DANCE OCTOBER 31, 8 P.M. HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN. The same teenage girl wakes up when she hears fire truck sirens passing by her window. We see that she sketched the burning sign on a piece of paper in her binder. Theme song.
At Taft the next morning, a science class watches a film about metamorphosis. The girl who dreamed about the burning sign isn't concentrating very well and neither is Doug; he's doodling some kind of battle scene with tanks and paratroopers. Tom is asleep on his desk nearby. The girl doesn't seem to be in conscious control of her pencil as she draws some kind of building. "There's death in the chapel," she says out loud before getting up. Tom and Doug exchange 'what was that about?' looks.
In the Chapel, Blowfish is on a ladder mounting what look like old organ pipes on the walls. Tom and Doug, working on a project of their own, ask Harry to bring them a hammer. Judy is carving a pumpkin. Doug looks at a newspaper ad and asks if anyone wants to go to the grand opening of a store called Crazy Teddy's. "That store is way the hell out in Fairmount," says Harry. Doug says, "I know, but they have really good car stereos for $50." Dougie, you ride a motorcycle. He adds that there will also be fireworks, hot dogs, and a clown named Sprinkles. Tom puts on a childish voice and says, "Sprinkles? Really?"
Cap'n Rufus tells Tom that his latest report doesn't have anything new in it, except for the arsonist's favorite brand of lighter fluid. Judy thinks it's somebody with a grudge against Taft High. "Who doesn't have a grudge against their school?" asks Doug. Me, for one. The sign out front was the 4th fire in 3 weeks. "We need to catch this guy before he burns down the whole place," says Rufus. An arsonist targeting a school dance? Gee, this show's never used that plot before...
Doug reports, "There was something strange. There's death in the chapel." Blowfish immediately climbs down from the ladder. "What did she mean?" Judy asks. Doug says, "She meant death, like end of life." Blowfish looks a little disturbed, "So it doesn't necessarily mean one of you guys?" Cap'n Rufus asks if Tom is sure his cover is intact. Tom thinks those symbols could mean anything. "There's something weird and it don't look good," says Doug.
Suddenly, 3 guys wearing Ghostbusters style jumpsuits walk in. They tell Cap'n Rufus they were contracted by the EPA to check for waste dumped by a chemical plant. The younger cops exchange looks. Fuller doesn't know anything about it. "It happened 15 years ago," explains a guy whose name patch says Spengler. Judy asks if the waste will have any effect on them. Spengler ignores her. "Beams on," he tells the other two guys, flipping a switch on a device strapped to his back. "There is death in the Chapel," Doug repeats.
That night, the music from the attempted drowning scene in The Outsiders plays as an old yellow pickup passes a road sign. It tells us we're 15 miles from Fairmount. Doug is driving it. His radio flickers a few times, then goes dead. He checks the newspaper on the seat next to him, presumably looking for Crazy Teddy's address. Eerie lights and fog swirl around the truck. Doug doubles over with headache, hitting his forehead on the steering wheel. The radio starts again.
In the Taft cafeteria, Tom asks Doug if he really thinks he was abducted. Doug describes what he saw as "long and thick in the middle. It had rounded edges, it looked like a hot dog. No, it was fatter than that. It looked like a knockwurst." He woke up at 2:00 in the morning on the side of the road. "I'm checkin' myself for puncture wounds 'cause I think they got me with their surgical tools."
Tom repeats the last two words with a mouthful. Doug tells him it's standard with abductions and he could write a bestseller about his experience. He adds, "I don't know how they did it, but I think they moved my navel." That area isn't generally where they do their probing... "How could they do such a thing?" Doug asks. Tom replies, "It's a mystery."
They sit down. Across the way, the girl from earlier is staring at the back of her empty, flattened-out lunch bag. She crumples it up and tosses it away. Tom fishes it out of the trash can. If you squint, the picture on the bag almost looks like a truck.
At night, the unseen arsonist torches an old car. Cut to just after the fire department finishes putting it out. The car appears to have been parked outside Taft's auto shop. We see the arsonist's dirty white Chuck Taylors in the crowd. Maybe Ponyboy lost it after Johnny and Dally's deaths?
Doug doesn't think they have a chance of catching the arsonist unless they can find out what his next target is. Tom shows him the lunch bag drawing, which matches certain details of the incident. The artist finally has a name: Dory. Doug thinks she's psychic. Tom thinks it's more likely she's the arsonist.
At the Chapel, they show the drawing to Judy. "Didn't [Dory] predict death in the Chapel?" asks Harry, "Even we didn't know about the toxic waste." Doug declares Dory's 2-for-2. "1-for-2," Blowfish corrects. He has a report showing there was no toxic waste under the building. "Even still, there's been some pretty weird stuff goin' on," says Doug. Judy and Harry agree in unison, "Very weird." Then, "We said that. At the same time. Whoa."
Tom leaves with Blowfish to look for more organ pipes. The janitor pulls up a section of floor in the basement. He hasn't seen it yet, but we can see there's a skeletal hand stuck to the underside of the flooring. Tom hears something fall and asks what it was. Blowfish tells him to check down the hole. "Any pipes?" he asks. No, but there is a whole skeleton. Blowfish looks in the hole. "Tom, I think I gotta sit down," he says before passing out. Tom mutters, "Yikes."
Later, the gang gathers in the basement. Cap'n Rufus surmises that the corpse was not put there recently, due to the pine box and old clothes. He's sure they can get to the bottom of why it's there and tells Blowfish to put the floorboards back. "I ain't goin' near that damn thing," says Blowfish, "I opened up a curse." Harry wonders how they're supposed to investigate a spirit. "Call Shirley MacLaine?" Judy suggests. Tom tells Doug that they'll catch the arsonist by taking night shifts at the school; he'll take the first one.
Tom patrols the Taft courtyard, which is decorated like a cemetery for Halloween. Someone walks past. Tom starts to follow. He and Dora run into each other and scream like in the old Scooby-Doo cartoons. Dory runs away. A small fire has started by a Dumpster or something, which Tom manages to put out with a nearby hose. By the time he finishes, Dory is gone.
In the Chapel, Judy, Doug, Harry, and Blowfish are sitting around a Ouija board. "We would like to speak to the person buried beneath the Chapel," says Judy, "Are you here?" "Is there a curse on Blowfish?" asks the janitor. Judy tells him they have to ask one question at a time. Doug has a question of his own, "Are you a spirit from another planet?"
Judy requests that the spirit speak to them. The board flips back and forth between the letters Y and A. "Ya, ya," Doug says, "Are you Swedish?" Judy asks for the spirit's name. The board spells out YATES. Fuller asks what they're doing. "We're communicating with the beyond, Captain," Doug explains. Harry adds, "The skeleton in the basement is named Yates." Judy asks if Yates was murdered. The board points to YES. Before they can find out more, Fuller tells them to get back to work.
At Taft, Doug and Tom talk to Dory, who's helping set up decorations for the Halloween dance. She says the thing about the Chapel "came totally out of left field." Tom asks why she was there the night before. "I'm not the one who's been torching this place, so just leave me alone," says Dora. Doug asks if the lunch bag drawing was a premonition. Dora gets defensive: "I'm not a freak."
"We each have these...these feelings about each other," Dory starts. When Tom and Doug look at each other, she snaps, "Grow up. Not in a horny way. Senses, suspicions." Tom thinks Dory did the drawings because she knows the guy who's been starting the fires. Dory doesn't know, not exactly: "I don't wanna sound like some actress on a talk show, but I feel energies. Images, I guess. I don't know what they are at first. But then they happen."
They may know Dory's secret, but she also knows theirs. She promises not to tell anyone; she wants the arsonist caught. She doesn't like the visions, but she can't control them. "I think I know a way we can both help each other," says Doug.
At night, Dory, Tom, and Doug sit on the hood of Doug's pickup near where he was supposedly abducted by aliens. Dory doesn't feel anything except cold. Doug asks his partner, "Didn't you ever feel anything you couldn't explain?" Tom once thought the bowler on the lane next to him was Elvis because the guy put butter on a sandwich and scratched himself a lot.
"Don't encourage him, he doesn't understand," says Doug. Dory doesn't understand either and doesn't think she wants to. When she was young, she had visions of an important man being hit with a hammer. Reagan was shot the following week and reported that being shot felt like getting hit with a hammer. That scared Dory and she tried to shut out her powers.
Tom asks, "If this thing is your gift or whatever, why do you want to shut it out?" "Why do you question being an officer?" Dory fires back. Doug hears something and declares, "This is it. They're here." He waves his arms toward the sky and calls, "Hey! We mean you no harm!" The spaceship is really a blimp with lights that spell out FOLLOW ME TO CRAZY TEDDY'S.
"Aliens travel 6 light years to get a good deal on a car stereo. Believe or not," Tom says in a spooky stage-whisper. Doug feels stupid and knows he'll never live this down. "You're psychic!" Tom cries. Dory starts having one of her visions. She sees a wooden field, darkness, long wooden planks at an angle. "Bleachers?" Tom guesses. Dory adds that they're on fire.
The three of them pile in the truck and head back to town. A police car pulls them over near Taft High, where the bleachers are intact. "All right, guys, where's the fire?" asks the officer. Ha ha ha...
Harry tells Judy and Blowfish that he went through the town's death records. 4 people named Yates have died under mysterious circumstances: a husband-and-wife murder/suicide, a poisoning, and the fourth was a summer camp counselor named Lawrence Yates. Counselor Yates was also a child molester obsessed with his dead mother. He escaped from a mental institution and went on a crime spree that ended when he was hanged by a lynch mob. Nobody knows where his body ended up.
We hear Cap'n Rufus laughing loudly. He asks Doug, "You still believe in that psychic crap?" "You're the type who doesn't think there's anything 'out there' when he's standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon," says Doug. Rufus chuckles, "And you're the type that thinks aliens are piloting blimps to Crazy Teddy's Car Stereos." Rufus adds that he can be spiritual. Dory will be a suspect until she sees the arsonist without help from "the other world."
Cap'n Rufus comes out of his office with his coat and umbrella. Nobody responds when he says good night. In words that ironic considering the role this actor had on Supernatural, Cap'n Rufus declares he has no patience for hysteria: "I don't care if it's Halloween. I don't care if the dead are walking the earth. No more antics in this chapel. No more Ouija boards, palm reading, tarot cards, healing crystals...no hocus pocus."
Nobody listens to Rufus. When Tom comes downstairs from the locker room, there's an old man at the head of the table, making some alarming grunting sounds. He's wearing an odd necklace that may be made from animal teeth. Tom remarks, "I looked that way once after an especially gnarly chili dog." Harry shushes him, saying the man has to concentrate on raising the spirit. Thunder crashes outside.
"He's trying to find Yates so we can communicate with him." Harry adds. They apparently paid this guy $75 for this act. "Good morrow, being of light," says the psychic in a British accent, "I am Zombo, lord of the blue ray, primary energy in the kingdom of Atlantis. My friends, what is your quest?" Judy puts on her own British accent: "We wish to transverse with the being called Yates."
Zombo agrees to grant Judy's request. He hums and grunts some more. He tells them they must learn to speak in tones to communicate with another realm: "Put your hands over your aural canals. Let your voice create tones. Yates will come to you." Everyone except Tom does. Zombo asks which Yates they're looking for. "The one we disturbed beneath the Chapel," says Judy. Zombo waves his arm around his head: "There's a pain...in this area." As in from the hanging. Tom starts making odd yipping sounds. "I can't believe it," says Zombo. Tom says, "Neither can I. Now give 'em back their money."
At Taft High, someone in the science lab lights a candle and leaves the Bunsen burner on. The next day, a class watches a film on llamas. Dory sketches the science lab and gets up to leave the room without even asking for a hall pass. She splashes cold water on her face in the girls' bathroom and takes deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
Tom and Doug go looking for Dory. In the process, they find the candle set up in the science lab. Tom turns off the gas and Doug opens the window. Tom bags the candle as evidence. They pass Dory in the hall. "The candle in that bag, it's his, isn't it?" she asks. Tom tells her it's his lunch.
Back at the Chapel, Doug is frustrated. The fingerprints on the candle don't match any known arsonists. Tom reminds him they still have a main suspect: Dory. He tells Doug he's sick of all the psychic garbage. I'm getting pretty sick of it myself since Dory has no other character traits. He wants Doug to go to her with the candle, but not the candle that's in evidence, as a test. Get her to touch it and see if her prints match.
Dory holds the candle. She describes the arsonist as a Taft student with brown hair who's sad and hates the fires. If he hates fires, why set them for kicks? Dory explains, "When he does, he feels control over others." She's not seeing a name or a face, just "fires, running devils, deformed faces. He's there. You're there." Suddenly, Dory screams and drops the candle. She doesn't want to continue. Doug asks, "What'd you see?" "You...dead," says Dory. Doug looks worried.
Tom gets a call from the crime lab; Dory's fingerprints don't match the ones on the arsonist's candle. "Oh no, I'm dead," Doug mutters, standing up. Tom asks where he's going. "I'm gonna go put my things in order," says Doug.
Tom finds Dory wandering around the Taft High gym, which is decorated for the dance. "The bleachers, a wooden field," she says. She doesn't blame Tom for not believing her. Tom asks how she saw Doug die. Dory thinks the arsonist will strike that night; the devils burning must be kids in costume. I knew that the first time she said it. She saw Doug burned badly, wrapped in a black coat or cape.
In front of the Chapel's new pipe organ, Blowfish puts the finishing touches on his Phantom of the Opera costume. He starts to play a fast tune. Harry appears dressed as Elvis and asks if everyone else is gone. Judy comes down from the locker room in a skintight red devil bodysuit. "I always knew it," says Harry before singing a few bars of "You're the Devil In Disguise." Judy pokes him with her pitchfork.
Tom's costume is Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver. He does a truly horrendous impression of Robert DeNiro. Doug slides down the firepole in a Dracula costume replete with makeup, fangs, and a cape. Harry asks if he's Bela Lugosi Dracula or Christopher Lee Dracula. Neither, the big guy is Count Chocula. Tom tells Doug to put on a different costume. Rufus enters, accompanied by a priest. In the spirit of the occasion, the captain is wearing a sequined matador's outfit. "I got some news you won't wanna hear," he says, "Since it's Halloween, I thought it might be appropriate."
The priest introduces himself as Father Alex. He tells them that a house was located about 40 yards west of the Chapel over 100 years ago. A Protestant minister and his wife built it as a stop on the Underground Railroad. The house mysteriously caught fire in 1888, killing the minister. The community wanted to build a church in his honor. The minister's wife donated the land and had her husband buried below the chapel "to be the church's spiritual foundation." Maybe I've seen too many episodes of Deadly Women, but that story makes me wonder where she was the night the house burned down.
The young officers look appropriately spooked. Minister or not, there was still a dead guy in the basement. "I believe the curse has been lifted," says Cap'n Rufus. The minster's name was apparently Jacob Gwynn. "Then who's Yates?" asks Harry. My question exactly. Tom tries to convince Doug not to go to the dance by telling him about Dory's freaky psychic vision of death. Doug decides to wear the Count Chocula getup anyway.
In the Taft High gym, the students are dancing to "The Monster Mash." Harry patrols the outside with a flashlight. He wields it like a microphone and practices some Elvis gyrations. Back inside, Doug snaps at Tom to stop quoting Taxi Driver. Dory joins them dressed as Merlin. I guess a gypsy fortune teller would've been too on-the-nose. She tells Doug he shouldn't be there. Doug tells her, "I wasn't put on this earth to be taken out in a Prince of Darkness costume." Actually, the Prince of Darkness would be Satan or Ozzy Osbourne, depending on who you ask. He leaves to take a look around.
"You told him?" Dory asks. Tom reassures her that the big fella can take care of himself. One of the jack-o-lanterns has burned out. Dory asks for a lighter; Tom has a match. They look inside. "Somebody stole the candle," says Dory.
Someone breaks into a nearby janitor's closet and soaks packages of toilet paper with gasoline. The arsonist has jammed a tin can in the doorway so they won't get locked in. Doug comes out of the gym and sees the closet door open a crack. Doug enters the closet and the door shuts behind him. At that precise moment, the arsonist, dressed like a vampire, drops the lit candle on the toilet paper.
Doug calls for help, rattling the door. It takes the kids in the gym a while to notice the smoke filtering toward them. When the alarm is raised, Fuller and Tom spring into action. The captain orders Tom to grab the fire extinguisher and the students to evacuate.
Tom runs down the hall and hears Doug inside the closet. Tom breaks down the door. (One of the absolute worst things you can do during a fire is feed it oxygen. His buddy DeNiro's character from Backdraft can tell you all about that). Doug stumbles out unscathed. The other vampire's cape is burning. Tom sprays the kid with the fire extinguisher and covers him with his jacket.
"Doug," gasps Dory as she passes the scene. Tom assures her it's not and that the guy isn't dead. Cap'n Rufus puts out the fire in the closet. Doug is coughing. The other vampire is whimpering in pain. "Hey, it's that dork Allen," says a boy. Dory shouts, "Leave him alone!" She kneels next to Allen and holds his hand.
Outside the gym, Dory tells Doug that she's never been so relieved to be wrong. "Don't jinx me, I'm still in the costume," he says. Dory feels sorry for Allen; she could see in his eyes that he couldn't keep himself from setting fires. Tom saw it too. Doug asks Dory if she thinks the visions will stop now that this is over. "What am I, a fortune teller?" she asks nastily.
In the Chapel basement, Blowfish paints an epitaph on the floor: 1888, JACOB GWYNN, A SEED. Blowfish goes back upstairs. A faint glow seems to appear from between the cracks in the floorboards. End of episode.
Case #4.05: "God Is a Bullet"
At a tough-looking high school, a kid is spraying graffiti that reads BLADE 394 on the side of the building. On the front steps, another kid is practicing his nunchuk twirling skills; a third boy had a knife tucked under his watch band. Yes, the blade is exposed.
Various other students are using and dealing drugs. A girl who's obviously not wearing a bra is cuddled up to her boyfriend. Gangbangers fight. Someone else is selling guns out of his locker. Judy and Doug walk through the halls. Doug asks, "Why do I feel like I'm in Dodge City and somebody just shot the marshal?"
A fortyish white man with a briefcase gets out of his car and looks at the entrance to the school. He sighs. You can barely tell the place is called Belmont High thanks to all the graffiti. The man goes inside and looks disapprovingly at what the students are getting up to. He takes a cigarette out of a boy's mouth and crushes it with his shoe. Really, out of everything he probably passed on his way in, the cigarettes bother him? "Who the hell do you think you are?" asks the boy. The man replies, "Your new principal." Theme song.
In the auditorium, an assembly is about to start. The man from the parking lot approaches the microphone, claps his hands, and tells everyone to sit down. He introduces himself as Mr. Brooks and lists what he's seen in his first 3 hours as principal: drugs, prostitution, graffiti, nobody on their way to college, and a dropout rate of close to half. Three days prior, a student named Janet Johnson was killed in front of the school in a drive-by. That's when he was called in. "Us too," Doug mutters to Judy in the audience.
Mr. Brooks' rules are simple: Come to school on time. No drinking, drugs, smoking, or violence on campus. He asks if that's clear. Nobody answers. "Good," he replies and dismisses them.
In the cafeteria, some of the students are actually sitting on top of the doorframe to eat. They oughta try out for Cirque du Soleil if they can manage that trick. Judy sits at a table with some girls who are the most cleancut students we've seen in the episode so far. Mr. Brooks comes over the P.A. with an announcement. The students boo and throw food at the speaker.
Mr. Brooks will be instituting a dress code starting the next day: no gang colors. The Goths cheer this news. Spikes, metal, and studs will be banned as well. The Goths boo. All girls' outfits "must be in good taste. I think you know what that means." Mr. Brooks thanks the students for the cooperation he will most certainly not be getting. In the cafeteria, somebody pulls the fire alarm and someone else starts a food fight. Two boys spray each other with fire extinguishers. Doug just keeps eating.
The next day, Mr. Brooks stands on the front steps watching students come into school. He tells a Goth boy to take off his studded dog collar necklace. Surprisingly, the boy drops the necklace into a bin for banned items. A group of gangbangers arrives dressed all in red. "Give me the bandannas," Mr. Brooks orders. I'm extremely shocked when they comply. A black boy dressed in a tuxedo with a red bow tie comes up the principal. "I believe I have a reservation," he says, "Benny Brown." Not sure what the point of that scene was...
An English class is oddly enthusiastic about their teacher quizzing them over The Great Gatsby in game show format. I find this very unrealistic; every junior in my high school was forced to read that book and even people who genuinely loved school and reading hated it. The English teacher breaks one of the principal's rules by giving a student a bathroom pass 10 minutes after class starts.
Mr. Brooks leaves the building that afternoon to find the kids have spray painted his car with insults and broken out all the windows; the driver's side mirror is hanging by a thread.
The next morning, Mr. Brooks announces that the school board is offering a $1,000 reward to anyone with information that will lead the arrest of Janet's killer. It's highly unlikely the police department would be okay with anyone but themselves offering a reward. We learn that Janet was a cheerleader.
After school in the back parking lot, Judy and several other girls try out for the cheerleading squad. As if the school would really be filling an empty slot 3 days after one of the members died. The coach, Miss Jackson, notes that Judy was on the squad at her previous school. "Until I got suspended 3 times," says Judy, "Stripped of my pom-poms. It wasn't a pretty sight." I'm surprised the coach didn't ask what offense led to Judy's suspension from school and dismissal from the team.
Mr. Brooks comes outside and calls over Miss Jackson. We can't hear what they're saying. Miss Jackson informs the girl that tryouts are being moved into the gym. "It's 110 degrees in there," gripes one of the cheerleaders. Mr. Brooks has declared that parking lot off-limits because of his car being vandalized. "Other off-limits zones are on the way," Miss Jackson finishes. The girls head into the building.
On his way out of school, Doug gets into a fight trying to protect a boy who was getting jumped by 3 other guys. Doug headbutts one of the assailants and almost knocks himself out. Mr. Brooks gives one of the retreating students a swift (and literal) kick in the ass. He and Doug help the injured victim to his feet, who's wearing socks but no sneakers for some reason. Mr. Brooks sends the boy to the nurse. He tells Doug to be in his office at 8:30 the next morning.
In the office, Doug thinks he's in trouble. "You figure a lot of kids come into the principal's office because they've done something wrong," says Mr. Brooks, "However, in your case, you've done something right. You realize that there's a bad element in this school...an obstacle to those who want a good education." He's proud of Doug for "standing up to those losers." He wants to start a team of student safety monitors to walk around the school during study hall and watch for rule-breakers.
"Sounds like a good idea," Doug says. Mr. Brooks picks up on the skepticism: "You don't think it'll work?" I think if the school is that rough, he's gonna have a hard time finding acceptable candidates. Mr. Brooks says Doug would be surprised how many of the kids want the best education Belmont has to offer and wants Doug to be the head safety monitor. He knows Doug won't disappoint them. Hopefully Doug can keep the safety monitors from turning into the Alpha Elite from The Next Karate Kid.
After school, Mr. Brooks assembles the male athletes on the bleachers. Belmont is known for sending athletes to college and the pros, but "we have faltered, lost our game plan." The principal wants school to be a successful place for everyone and will be disbanding all the sports teams due to the bad elements. The jocks groan. "I know it's unfair that a few bad apples are..." the principal starts and is interrupted by a football player asking if there's anything they can do. Mr. Brooks wonders if any of them would be interested in being safety monitors.
The next morning, janitors throughout the school start painting over the graffiti. One of the cheerleaders introduces Judy to Neil, Janet's boyfriend. He witnessed the shooting. Judy tells him she's sorry about what happened. The cheerleader tells Neil how much the squad misses Janet. "Leave me alone," says Neil, slamming his locker shut. The bell rings.
Benny calls Judy over to tell her that Neil is only interested in customers. Whatever Neil is selling, Benny claims he's not involved with it. Doug approaches with one of the other safety monitors. "You two ain't supposed to be in the hallway," says the safety monitor. Doug adds, "If we're going to have a good learning environment, we must all follow the rules." Doug writes them both detention slips.
Mr. Brooks stops by Mr. Bosley's English class to watch him teach. Judy has just asked if Fitzgerald's point was that America is a failure. "For Fitzgerald and Gatsby, America is a vision of ideal life that we can never make because human beings are too fallible," explains Mr. Bosley. Doug's fellow safety monitor doesn't understand what this has to do with them. "Their dreams are our dreams too," Mr. Bosley goes on, "Now we've gotta make it here. Now let me ask you a question. Are you making it?" The kid doesn't know.
Mr. Bosley starts reading into subtext messages about racism that clearly don't exist in the book because everyone in it is white. Mr. Brooks stands up and asks to speak to Mr. Bosley outside. He takes issue with him teaching The Great Gatsby. Mr. Bosley defends it as an American masterpiece. "Your job is not to interpret it, just teach it," says Mr. Brooks. The bell rings.
Two paramedics go into the boys' bathroom, where a student has overdosed. They start doing CPR and giving oxygen. Mr. Brooks watches the medics with an odd smile on his face.
Judy tells Doug that becoming head safety monitor is as good as blowing his cover. "I had no choice," he says, "Mr. Brooks labeled me a do-gooder. No dealer's gonna come near me." Judy was onto something until she got detention. "I'll take the jocks, you take the losers," says Doug, "That's what we call the rest of you guys." He thinks Brooks is doing a good job and "we might as well gives these kids a chance to get out of this hole." Judy reminds him they're not social workers; they're investigating a drive-by shooting.
The next day, Mr. Brooks announces a bake sale sponsored by the AP English class and that the area behind the library is now off-limits because people have been smoking out there. In the basement, Benny has hijacked the P.A. system, calling himself The Joker: "Goooood morning, Belmont High!" He declares it's Sid Vicious Day and to remember "Sid died for your sins. Tonight, the drama department debuts their new rendition of Bye Bye Birdie. Get this, Coach Hayes plays the major." Throughout school, students laugh appreciatively.
Benny tells everyone to stand up and starts singing "The Hokey Pokey." He wraps up with, "Physicals today. Girls, report to The Joker. Guys, just grab Mr. Brooks, turn to the wall, and cough as you pass."
Mr. Brooks assembles the safety monitors in the boys' bathroom. These days, that would be grounds for an investigation. "My generation came to school to learn," he says, "We had fun, but we also discovered Romeo and Juliet and Albert Einstein. We didn't come here to die on a cold tile floor." We learn the drug overdose victim was Janet's boyfriend Neil. Doug asks if they have proof who sold Neil the drugs. Mr. Brooks says the proof is in Neil's locker.
Downstairs, one of the other monitors refuses to open Neil's locker. Doug does the honors himself with a pair of bolt cutters. He finds a stash of drugs in a wooden box. Mr. Brooks expels Simmons, the hall monitor who refused to open the locker.
The next morning, construction crews put up heavy duty fencing while the students recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Mr. Brooks begins the announcements by saying, "4 students were expelled yesterday for smoking in restricted areas and defying the authority of the safety monitors." That brings the total of expelled students to 72. Any student caught in the hall without a pass will be expelled. Other expulsion offenses include smoking on campus and not following the instructions of a safety monitor. The students are reminded to walk single-file on the righthand side of the hall at all times, which sounds like a prison rule. After the bell rings, the kids look like zombie as they follow "proper hallway procedures."
At lunch, Judy sits with Benny, who never figured her for a cheerleader. Judy thinks he has something against cheerleaders in general because she heard him saying Janet dealt drugs. "It's not easy keepin' up that school spirit, day after day, week after week," says Benny, "A little chemical stimulation comes in very handy." Judy asks if she had a lot of customers. Benny wonders if Judy plans to take over Janet's business. Judy says no because Janet wound up dead.
"The drive-by had nuttin' to do with that," says Benny confidently, "It wouldn't be worth the price of the bullet to shut down Janet. She was strictly pep-squad supply." Judy mentions that she's looking to score. Benny tells her she'd just end up broke and ruining her looks; he has something better than drugs.
Doug's safety monitor buddy catches Benny and Judy in the faculty bathroom, about to play some prank involving painting the toilets. "Bo, I know what you're thinkin', dude. They're not good thoughts," says Benny. He promises he has a good explanation; he's trying to teach Mr. Brooks to lighten up. He asks Bo for a warning. Bo can't do that.
"Brooks will kick us out of school. I'm the unofficial school mascot," says Benny, "Without me, things'll fall apart. I get booted, my dad'll kick the crap outta me and that's no bull." Bo tears up the ticket and leaves. "That's my man, Bo," says Benny happily. I'm guessing the abusive father story isn't strictly true.
After English, Mr. Bosley asks Doug why he hasn't been doing his homework and adds, "You seem to be acting like a cop." Doug explains that he's just doing his job as safety monitor. "Mr. Brooks wants to make learning as unpleasant as possible," says Mr. Bosley, "Unfortunately, kids don't learn that way." I could write a few paragraphs about Common Core, especially the new way of doing math, but I won't.
Mr. Brooks asks Bo if he knows who was responsible for the paint prank in the faculty men's room; it was Bo's assigned patrol area. Bo doesn't have a clue. "You were overheard arguing with Benny Brown," Mr. Brooks goes on, "Did he do it?" Bo admits that he lied because Benny is a friend and "his dad would kill him if he got kicked out of school." "And what's your dad gonna do when you get kicked out?" asks Mr. Brooks, "That little misjudgment just got you expelled." The joke embarrassed a teacher and undermining authority "leads to violence and drugs." That statement sounds like some of those '50s social hygiene films. He tells Bo to clean his locker and leave. Benny will be expelled too.
The next day, Mr. Brooks has a mandatory drug test for all students. Anyone who refuses to take it will be dismissed or expelled. What's the difference between those two terms again? He reminds them that failure to turn in homework or talking back to a teacher will result in detention, which seems like a much more reasonable policy until he gets to the part about 3 detentions equaling expulsion. Mr. Brooks reminds all teachers that daily progress reports are due on his desk by 4 PM.
In an empty classroom, Benny rigs a teacher's desk to collapse. "Benny, you know who shot Janet Johnson, don't you?" asks Judy. Benny wants to know why she cares so much. Judy flashes her badge. "Brooks already got the dude yesterday," says Benny, "Tracy Simmons. He was going after Neil, he missed, and he hit his girlfriend." Judy thanks Benny for doing the right thing and leaves. The safety monitors come in and grab Benny. One holds Benny while someone else hits him.
Mr. Brooks arrives the next day to find more graffiti on the school. He announces over the P.A. that the entire faculty and student body will be meeting during 3rd period. Out in the parking lot, Judy tells Doug that things are out of hand. Doug disagrees, saying they were worse before Brooks made the new rules. Judy tells him about the safety monitors attacking Benny for playing a prank. He had to go to the hospital.
Doug rides his motorcycle into an alley and finds Bo smoking pot. He went from cleancut athlete to juvenile delinquent pretty fast. Bo hasn't enrolled in another school and is thinking of getting a job at Rocket Dog. "If I could get you back at Belmont, would you go?" asks Doug. Bo says he wouldn't because he likes where he is.
At the assembly, the safety monitors sit on stage while the rest of the student body is in the audience. Mr. Brooks comes in and slams the door. "Some smartass painted a swastika on my school," he says, "We are gonna sit here until I found out who painted that crap on my school." Doug comes in with Bo. Mr. Brooks yells at Doug for being late. Doug tells him that Bo wants to go back to school; he has a right to an education. Mr. Brooks suggests Doug painted the swastika.
Mr. Bosley admits that he did it. Mr. Brooks says that Mr. Bosley is a coward and a disgrace. I have to agree. Graffiti is pretty juvenile. Mr. Brooks fires Mr. Bosley. He asks the safety monitors to escort Mr. Bosley out, but they refuse.
Benny comes on the P.A. "We're going on strike," he says. "All of us." The students cheer. "Until the school board gets rid of you, we're outta here." "What the hell are you doing? Get back here!" says Mr. Brooks as the students get up and leave the auditorium. They've gone from being sheep for one person to a sheep for another, that's progress. When the auditorium empties, Mr. Brooks fires a shot into the ceiling in frustration.
English class. For reasons they don't bother to explain, Mr. Bosley is back teaching. He congratulates Bo for getting a B on his Great Gatsby paper. Doug watches from outside the room with a smile on his face. Mr. Bosley starts the next unit: poetry. End of episode.
Various other students are using and dealing drugs. A girl who's obviously not wearing a bra is cuddled up to her boyfriend. Gangbangers fight. Someone else is selling guns out of his locker. Judy and Doug walk through the halls. Doug asks, "Why do I feel like I'm in Dodge City and somebody just shot the marshal?"
A fortyish white man with a briefcase gets out of his car and looks at the entrance to the school. He sighs. You can barely tell the place is called Belmont High thanks to all the graffiti. The man goes inside and looks disapprovingly at what the students are getting up to. He takes a cigarette out of a boy's mouth and crushes it with his shoe. Really, out of everything he probably passed on his way in, the cigarettes bother him? "Who the hell do you think you are?" asks the boy. The man replies, "Your new principal." Theme song.
In the auditorium, an assembly is about to start. The man from the parking lot approaches the microphone, claps his hands, and tells everyone to sit down. He introduces himself as Mr. Brooks and lists what he's seen in his first 3 hours as principal: drugs, prostitution, graffiti, nobody on their way to college, and a dropout rate of close to half. Three days prior, a student named Janet Johnson was killed in front of the school in a drive-by. That's when he was called in. "Us too," Doug mutters to Judy in the audience.
Mr. Brooks' rules are simple: Come to school on time. No drinking, drugs, smoking, or violence on campus. He asks if that's clear. Nobody answers. "Good," he replies and dismisses them.
In the cafeteria, some of the students are actually sitting on top of the doorframe to eat. They oughta try out for Cirque du Soleil if they can manage that trick. Judy sits at a table with some girls who are the most cleancut students we've seen in the episode so far. Mr. Brooks comes over the P.A. with an announcement. The students boo and throw food at the speaker.
Mr. Brooks will be instituting a dress code starting the next day: no gang colors. The Goths cheer this news. Spikes, metal, and studs will be banned as well. The Goths boo. All girls' outfits "must be in good taste. I think you know what that means." Mr. Brooks thanks the students for the cooperation he will most certainly not be getting. In the cafeteria, somebody pulls the fire alarm and someone else starts a food fight. Two boys spray each other with fire extinguishers. Doug just keeps eating.
The next day, Mr. Brooks stands on the front steps watching students come into school. He tells a Goth boy to take off his studded dog collar necklace. Surprisingly, the boy drops the necklace into a bin for banned items. A group of gangbangers arrives dressed all in red. "Give me the bandannas," Mr. Brooks orders. I'm extremely shocked when they comply. A black boy dressed in a tuxedo with a red bow tie comes up the principal. "I believe I have a reservation," he says, "Benny Brown." Not sure what the point of that scene was...
An English class is oddly enthusiastic about their teacher quizzing them over The Great Gatsby in game show format. I find this very unrealistic; every junior in my high school was forced to read that book and even people who genuinely loved school and reading hated it. The English teacher breaks one of the principal's rules by giving a student a bathroom pass 10 minutes after class starts.
Mr. Brooks leaves the building that afternoon to find the kids have spray painted his car with insults and broken out all the windows; the driver's side mirror is hanging by a thread.
The next morning, Mr. Brooks announces that the school board is offering a $1,000 reward to anyone with information that will lead the arrest of Janet's killer. It's highly unlikely the police department would be okay with anyone but themselves offering a reward. We learn that Janet was a cheerleader.
After school in the back parking lot, Judy and several other girls try out for the cheerleading squad. As if the school would really be filling an empty slot 3 days after one of the members died. The coach, Miss Jackson, notes that Judy was on the squad at her previous school. "Until I got suspended 3 times," says Judy, "Stripped of my pom-poms. It wasn't a pretty sight." I'm surprised the coach didn't ask what offense led to Judy's suspension from school and dismissal from the team.
Mr. Brooks comes outside and calls over Miss Jackson. We can't hear what they're saying. Miss Jackson informs the girl that tryouts are being moved into the gym. "It's 110 degrees in there," gripes one of the cheerleaders. Mr. Brooks has declared that parking lot off-limits because of his car being vandalized. "Other off-limits zones are on the way," Miss Jackson finishes. The girls head into the building.
On his way out of school, Doug gets into a fight trying to protect a boy who was getting jumped by 3 other guys. Doug headbutts one of the assailants and almost knocks himself out. Mr. Brooks gives one of the retreating students a swift (and literal) kick in the ass. He and Doug help the injured victim to his feet, who's wearing socks but no sneakers for some reason. Mr. Brooks sends the boy to the nurse. He tells Doug to be in his office at 8:30 the next morning.
In the office, Doug thinks he's in trouble. "You figure a lot of kids come into the principal's office because they've done something wrong," says Mr. Brooks, "However, in your case, you've done something right. You realize that there's a bad element in this school...an obstacle to those who want a good education." He's proud of Doug for "standing up to those losers." He wants to start a team of student safety monitors to walk around the school during study hall and watch for rule-breakers.
"Sounds like a good idea," Doug says. Mr. Brooks picks up on the skepticism: "You don't think it'll work?" I think if the school is that rough, he's gonna have a hard time finding acceptable candidates. Mr. Brooks says Doug would be surprised how many of the kids want the best education Belmont has to offer and wants Doug to be the head safety monitor. He knows Doug won't disappoint them. Hopefully Doug can keep the safety monitors from turning into the Alpha Elite from The Next Karate Kid.
After school, Mr. Brooks assembles the male athletes on the bleachers. Belmont is known for sending athletes to college and the pros, but "we have faltered, lost our game plan." The principal wants school to be a successful place for everyone and will be disbanding all the sports teams due to the bad elements. The jocks groan. "I know it's unfair that a few bad apples are..." the principal starts and is interrupted by a football player asking if there's anything they can do. Mr. Brooks wonders if any of them would be interested in being safety monitors.
The next morning, janitors throughout the school start painting over the graffiti. One of the cheerleaders introduces Judy to Neil, Janet's boyfriend. He witnessed the shooting. Judy tells him she's sorry about what happened. The cheerleader tells Neil how much the squad misses Janet. "Leave me alone," says Neil, slamming his locker shut. The bell rings.
Benny calls Judy over to tell her that Neil is only interested in customers. Whatever Neil is selling, Benny claims he's not involved with it. Doug approaches with one of the other safety monitors. "You two ain't supposed to be in the hallway," says the safety monitor. Doug adds, "If we're going to have a good learning environment, we must all follow the rules." Doug writes them both detention slips.
Mr. Brooks stops by Mr. Bosley's English class to watch him teach. Judy has just asked if Fitzgerald's point was that America is a failure. "For Fitzgerald and Gatsby, America is a vision of ideal life that we can never make because human beings are too fallible," explains Mr. Bosley. Doug's fellow safety monitor doesn't understand what this has to do with them. "Their dreams are our dreams too," Mr. Bosley goes on, "Now we've gotta make it here. Now let me ask you a question. Are you making it?" The kid doesn't know.
Mr. Bosley starts reading into subtext messages about racism that clearly don't exist in the book because everyone in it is white. Mr. Brooks stands up and asks to speak to Mr. Bosley outside. He takes issue with him teaching The Great Gatsby. Mr. Bosley defends it as an American masterpiece. "Your job is not to interpret it, just teach it," says Mr. Brooks. The bell rings.
Two paramedics go into the boys' bathroom, where a student has overdosed. They start doing CPR and giving oxygen. Mr. Brooks watches the medics with an odd smile on his face.
Judy tells Doug that becoming head safety monitor is as good as blowing his cover. "I had no choice," he says, "Mr. Brooks labeled me a do-gooder. No dealer's gonna come near me." Judy was onto something until she got detention. "I'll take the jocks, you take the losers," says Doug, "That's what we call the rest of you guys." He thinks Brooks is doing a good job and "we might as well gives these kids a chance to get out of this hole." Judy reminds him they're not social workers; they're investigating a drive-by shooting.
The next day, Mr. Brooks announces a bake sale sponsored by the AP English class and that the area behind the library is now off-limits because people have been smoking out there. In the basement, Benny has hijacked the P.A. system, calling himself The Joker: "Goooood morning, Belmont High!" He declares it's Sid Vicious Day and to remember "Sid died for your sins. Tonight, the drama department debuts their new rendition of Bye Bye Birdie. Get this, Coach Hayes plays the major." Throughout school, students laugh appreciatively.
Benny tells everyone to stand up and starts singing "The Hokey Pokey." He wraps up with, "Physicals today. Girls, report to The Joker. Guys, just grab Mr. Brooks, turn to the wall, and cough as you pass."
Mr. Brooks assembles the safety monitors in the boys' bathroom. These days, that would be grounds for an investigation. "My generation came to school to learn," he says, "We had fun, but we also discovered Romeo and Juliet and Albert Einstein. We didn't come here to die on a cold tile floor." We learn the drug overdose victim was Janet's boyfriend Neil. Doug asks if they have proof who sold Neil the drugs. Mr. Brooks says the proof is in Neil's locker.
Downstairs, one of the other monitors refuses to open Neil's locker. Doug does the honors himself with a pair of bolt cutters. He finds a stash of drugs in a wooden box. Mr. Brooks expels Simmons, the hall monitor who refused to open the locker.
The next morning, construction crews put up heavy duty fencing while the students recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Mr. Brooks begins the announcements by saying, "4 students were expelled yesterday for smoking in restricted areas and defying the authority of the safety monitors." That brings the total of expelled students to 72. Any student caught in the hall without a pass will be expelled. Other expulsion offenses include smoking on campus and not following the instructions of a safety monitor. The students are reminded to walk single-file on the righthand side of the hall at all times, which sounds like a prison rule. After the bell rings, the kids look like zombie as they follow "proper hallway procedures."
At lunch, Judy sits with Benny, who never figured her for a cheerleader. Judy thinks he has something against cheerleaders in general because she heard him saying Janet dealt drugs. "It's not easy keepin' up that school spirit, day after day, week after week," says Benny, "A little chemical stimulation comes in very handy." Judy asks if she had a lot of customers. Benny wonders if Judy plans to take over Janet's business. Judy says no because Janet wound up dead.
"The drive-by had nuttin' to do with that," says Benny confidently, "It wouldn't be worth the price of the bullet to shut down Janet. She was strictly pep-squad supply." Judy mentions that she's looking to score. Benny tells her she'd just end up broke and ruining her looks; he has something better than drugs.
Doug's safety monitor buddy catches Benny and Judy in the faculty bathroom, about to play some prank involving painting the toilets. "Bo, I know what you're thinkin', dude. They're not good thoughts," says Benny. He promises he has a good explanation; he's trying to teach Mr. Brooks to lighten up. He asks Bo for a warning. Bo can't do that.
"Brooks will kick us out of school. I'm the unofficial school mascot," says Benny, "Without me, things'll fall apart. I get booted, my dad'll kick the crap outta me and that's no bull." Bo tears up the ticket and leaves. "That's my man, Bo," says Benny happily. I'm guessing the abusive father story isn't strictly true.
After English, Mr. Bosley asks Doug why he hasn't been doing his homework and adds, "You seem to be acting like a cop." Doug explains that he's just doing his job as safety monitor. "Mr. Brooks wants to make learning as unpleasant as possible," says Mr. Bosley, "Unfortunately, kids don't learn that way." I could write a few paragraphs about Common Core, especially the new way of doing math, but I won't.
Mr. Brooks asks Bo if he knows who was responsible for the paint prank in the faculty men's room; it was Bo's assigned patrol area. Bo doesn't have a clue. "You were overheard arguing with Benny Brown," Mr. Brooks goes on, "Did he do it?" Bo admits that he lied because Benny is a friend and "his dad would kill him if he got kicked out of school." "And what's your dad gonna do when you get kicked out?" asks Mr. Brooks, "That little misjudgment just got you expelled." The joke embarrassed a teacher and undermining authority "leads to violence and drugs." That statement sounds like some of those '50s social hygiene films. He tells Bo to clean his locker and leave. Benny will be expelled too.
The next day, Mr. Brooks has a mandatory drug test for all students. Anyone who refuses to take it will be dismissed or expelled. What's the difference between those two terms again? He reminds them that failure to turn in homework or talking back to a teacher will result in detention, which seems like a much more reasonable policy until he gets to the part about 3 detentions equaling expulsion. Mr. Brooks reminds all teachers that daily progress reports are due on his desk by 4 PM.
In an empty classroom, Benny rigs a teacher's desk to collapse. "Benny, you know who shot Janet Johnson, don't you?" asks Judy. Benny wants to know why she cares so much. Judy flashes her badge. "Brooks already got the dude yesterday," says Benny, "Tracy Simmons. He was going after Neil, he missed, and he hit his girlfriend." Judy thanks Benny for doing the right thing and leaves. The safety monitors come in and grab Benny. One holds Benny while someone else hits him.
Mr. Brooks arrives the next day to find more graffiti on the school. He announces over the P.A. that the entire faculty and student body will be meeting during 3rd period. Out in the parking lot, Judy tells Doug that things are out of hand. Doug disagrees, saying they were worse before Brooks made the new rules. Judy tells him about the safety monitors attacking Benny for playing a prank. He had to go to the hospital.
Doug rides his motorcycle into an alley and finds Bo smoking pot. He went from cleancut athlete to juvenile delinquent pretty fast. Bo hasn't enrolled in another school and is thinking of getting a job at Rocket Dog. "If I could get you back at Belmont, would you go?" asks Doug. Bo says he wouldn't because he likes where he is.
At the assembly, the safety monitors sit on stage while the rest of the student body is in the audience. Mr. Brooks comes in and slams the door. "Some smartass painted a swastika on my school," he says, "We are gonna sit here until I found out who painted that crap on my school." Doug comes in with Bo. Mr. Brooks yells at Doug for being late. Doug tells him that Bo wants to go back to school; he has a right to an education. Mr. Brooks suggests Doug painted the swastika.
Mr. Bosley admits that he did it. Mr. Brooks says that Mr. Bosley is a coward and a disgrace. I have to agree. Graffiti is pretty juvenile. Mr. Brooks fires Mr. Bosley. He asks the safety monitors to escort Mr. Bosley out, but they refuse.
Benny comes on the P.A. "We're going on strike," he says. "All of us." The students cheer. "Until the school board gets rid of you, we're outta here." "What the hell are you doing? Get back here!" says Mr. Brooks as the students get up and leave the auditorium. They've gone from being sheep for one person to a sheep for another, that's progress. When the auditorium empties, Mr. Brooks fires a shot into the ceiling in frustration.
English class. For reasons they don't bother to explain, Mr. Bosley is back teaching. He congratulates Bo for getting a B on his Great Gatsby paper. Doug watches from outside the room with a smile on his face. Mr. Bosley starts the next unit: poetry. End of episode.
Case 4.04: "Come From the Shadows"
In an auditorium, a group of people watches a slideshow. Black-and-white pictures of horrific things flash past. A priest solemnly intones about entering "this nightmare" and points to the picture of an injured child on the screen: "This little girl, Elena, died a couple of days after I took this photograph. 1 out of 4 babies starves to death in El Salvador. ...This is a desperate situation that your donations can help remedy."
The priest discusses how foreign aid dollars from the U.S. government don't really help the people with their basic needs; the money goes to the military, the rebels, and the death squads. A young woman with long hair looks particularly affected by this speech.
Flash cut to a parking lot, where two people are exchanging money for a baby wrapped in a blanket.
Back in the auditorium, the screen displays flyers with pictures of missing children from El Salvador. The priest asks for money to save them. The young woman sheds a tear. That's possibly the heaviest opening sequence in series history. Theme song.
In the Chapel squadroom, Harry is shooting wads of paper into a basketball hoop, or rather, trying to. One hits the newspaper Doug is reading. "Put more arc on it," he growls. Harry doesn't understand the appeal of basketball. Having just survived March Madness in basketball-crazed Kentucky, I have to agree with him. Doug says it's something you have to grow up around. I've grown up around it and you'll never see me wear UK anything.
Cap'n Rufus drops a case file on the table. Babies from El Salvador are being sold to American couples. None of the adoptive families will tell the police or INS where they bought their babies. The feds suspect a local priest named Jim Kelly is involved. He's been suspected of running an underground sanctuary for years and the theory is he wants a taste of the illegal adoption fees.
Father Jim is also a professor at Saint Brendan's University. "Brush up your Latin, guys," says Harry. Funnily enough, Father Jim happens to be the name of my local priest.
In a lecture hall at Saint Brendan's, Judy is sitting in front of the class blindfolded. "Tell me where your friends are, Judy," says civilian-dressed Father Jim, picking up a baseball bat. He screams, "You wanna live? Tell me where they are!" What the hell subject is this guy supposed to be teaching, anyway? Torture 101?
Father Jim runs down the lecture hall stairs toward Judy, holding the bat over his head. Doug stands up. "HEY, HOLD IT!" he commands. Father Jim thanks Doug, removes Judy's blindfold, and asks if she's all right. She says yes. Father Jim asks the class to think about why Doug was the only one who stood up for Judy. He says what happened in class today doesn't come close to what happens to people in Chile, Guatemala, and El Salvador.
After class, a student named Ron tells Judy, "I hope the padre didn't freak you out too much." He also admits, "Father Jim is basically a nut, but he's a lunatic whose heart's in the right place." This is Ron's third class with Father Jim. Judy wants to hear more about South America. Father Jim does a lot of seminars; Ron's sister Alice goes to most of them, works in his office, and volunteers for his refugee program. Judy thinks she'll check out a seminar.
At the campus dining hall, Doug tells Harry, "No priest I ever heard of ever talked that way. He doesn't deserve to wear a collar." Doug would be a little sensitive, considering his father was an alcoholic ex-communicated priest. Harry points out that Father Jim wasn't wearing a collar in class. Doug is suddenly captivated by the girl serving food, who we recognize from the opening scene. He and Harry get in line. "How's my hair?" asks Doug. Harry says, "You look great. Go get her."
When they get to her station, the woman is speaking Spanish to a coworker. Doug tries to break out his one semester of high school Spanish, fails, and points to a dish. "Can I have some of that?" he asks in English. "In Spanish, we call this dish lasagna," she says, smiling shyly, "If you come back tomorrow, I can teach you how to say 'hot dogs.'" "I'll be here," Doug promises, then walks off without his lasagna.
Later, Doug jogs upstairs to some kind of library/lounge area. He sees the cafeteria girl sitting at a table by herself, joins her, and asks what she's reading. "El Mundo," she replies, "A newspaper from my country." Doug notices it's from El Salvador and introduces himself. Cafeteria Girl is Marta.
Doug breaks out the best Spanish gaffe since Rob Gronkowski's "yo soy fiesta": "Usted tienes huevos muy bonitas." "I have pretty eggs?" Marta translates. Doug looks embarrassed; he meant to say Marta has pretty eyes. "Your eyes are better than the World Series going into 7 games, better than Batman comics," Doug goes on. Another student shushes them.
Doug asks her to go to dinner with him. Marta can't; she's already late for a fundraiser at Father Jim's refugee center. She thinks the priest is a wonderful man. Doug asks if he could go to the fundraiser. Marta says yes. She's clearly smitten with the big guy.
At the fundraiser, Doug and Marta dance to some salsa-esque music. Father Jim gets on a small stage and asks for the crowd's attention. Marta joins him on stage. Father Jim exposits that Marta has applied for political asylum and is still waiting for her hearing: "Please realize nearly every Salvadorean like her is refused and sent back." I have a hunch where this episode is going...
Father Jim gives Marta the microphone. She talks about how she used to be a teacher who traveled to different villages to bring literacy. Flashback of Marta in a dungeon-like prison cell with a bag over her head; a guard comes in and puts a gun to her temple. "This was unacceptable to the people in power," Marta continues at the fundraiser. She was kept in prison for 10 days, which seems like a light sentence for such a barbaric sounding country.
"I was raped," Marta says, "I was tortured with cigarettes." A couple of women in the audience start to cry. Marta was released as a warning to other teachers. Flashback to Marta bound and gagged, her face battered. "It is time for the blood to stop," Marta says to the crowd, "It is time to say enough is enough." The crowd cheers and chants passionately.
In St. Bernard's courtyard, Harry tells Doug some suspicions about the priest: "A kid in his class says Father Jim doesn't speak any Spanish. Don't you think that's weird?" Doug supposes so. Harry says the only way that Father Jim could run the baby selling operation is if he has someone to translate for him. That someone could be Marta. Doug doesn't think so.
Harry knows Doug feels sorry for her. "No, that's not it," says Doug. Harry thinks Doug is letting his heart get in the way. The facts are that Father Jim needs money to keep his refugee programs going and might use unusual means for the cause. "That does not mean he uses Marta to sell babies," says Doug. Harry suggests Marta isn't being used; she thinks she's helping poor babies and couples who can't have children of their own. Doug tells Harry, "Good theory. Too bad you don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Judy goes to Father Jim's office to ask Alice about getting involved with the refugee program. Father Jim appears to say, "I wouldn't call Alice involved so much as deeply and utterly devoted." He's surprised to see Judy. Judy says she wants to volunteer. Father Jim cautions her that helping refugees can be "depressing, grim, ugly, and dangerous." According to him, the bottom line is "knowing in your heart that what you're doing is the only thing your conscience will allow you to."
Marta is standing by her van with the hood up in the parking lot. It should be noted that it's a panel van with no windows. Doug drives by and she asks if he can help fix it. Doug quickly determines it's the battery. "I'll jump ya," he says, "I mean, uh, I'll be right back."
Doug takes a set of jumper cables out of his trunk; Marta backs away, breathing heavily. She assures Doug that it's nothing. Doug gently asks what's wrong. "They used those on me in prison," Marta explains. Doug assures her, "That kinda stuff doesn't happen here. And if it did, I wouldn't let 'em touch you." Marta seems somewhat comforted by this.
In Father Jim's office, Alice and Judy file some papers. Alice says, "If anyone is gonna change the world, Jim's gonna be the one to do it." Off Judy's look, she adds, "He asked me to stop calling him 'Father' a long time ago." Ron comes in and asks if he can help with any filing. Alice hands him a stack of folders, then Judy.
Judy asks what the folders are. "Records on Salvadorean families seeking asylum." says Alice. They keep track of parents, grandparents, and children so they can "bring more people to freedom."
On campus, Marta and Doug sit under a tree. She's practically drawn herself into a ball; it's hard for her to open up, but she wants to. Doug offers to drive her to get her battery charged. "Father Jim would like to do it," she says, "Besides, you've done enough already." Doug asks to see her that night. She has something to do, but promises to see him the next morning. Marta gives him a big hug.
At the sanctuary, Father Jim and Marta sort through donated canned goods and clothes. "How is the baby?" she asks. Father Jim replies, "Still sick. It's a long trip for a child that young." Marta says the baby will have a new home soon. Father Jim plans to leave after dark. Doug is in the shadows of the hallway and overhears everything.
That night, Doug and Harry sit by the docks in an unmarked car. Doug can't stop thinking about Martha being tortured. Harry, who you think would be sympathetic because he is a Vietnamese refugee, advises, "Don't let a sad story take your eye off the ball." Doug says Marta must have a good reason for getting involved.
Marta's van pulls up below them. She and Father Jim run out toward the water's edge. A small boat meets them. They help several people out of the boat. Harry radios it in. Police cars come out of their hiding place. Doug walks down the hill, holding his badge aloft. "Father Jim Kelly, you're under arrest for violating child transportation laws," he announces, "Get him out of here." Father Jim protests that the police are making a mistake.
Doug gives more orders: Read the refugees their rights, put the baby in a police car, and "turn off some of those damn lights." Marta asks what Doug is doing. Doug replies that he's doing his job. "These people are refugees. My God, you think we're selling this child?" she gasps. Pretty much, Marta. "This child belongs to that family. We would never sell her. They are coming here for asylum." She leaves Doug standing by himself on the shore.
The next day in the Chapel squadroom, Harry tells Doug, "I guess I was wrong about Marta." People weren't as sympathetic toward Vietnamese refugees when he came to the U.S. He's sorry he was hard on Marta. Harry thinks Doug should smooth things over with her; she'll understand Doug cares about her. Doug can't face her.
On campus, Doug sees Marta taking heavy trash bags to the Dumpster. He offers to help. She tells him it's not necessary. Marta gets upset because he takes the bag from her and throws it away. Doug apologizes. Father Jim calls Marta over. Her INS hearing has been rescheduled for that Friday and he thinks she has a strong case for political asylum. The priest is getting negative attention because of Doug's investigation. Marta doesn't trust Doug. Father Jim reminds her that Doug paid her bail. He leaves.
Marta asks why Doug paid her bail. "Because I care for you, because I--" "Feel sorry for me?" she finishes. Doug doesn't and he's not using a line on her. He can't understand why she doesn't trust him. Spending time in a box getting raped and tortured by the police might have something to do with her trust issues. Marta asks if Doug was pretending to be helpful when her van broke down. Doug says no. He didn't mean to hurt her, he's just trying to figure out who's selling babies. Marta understands.
"Peace?" Doug asks, making the peace sign. Marta returns the gesture. They touch fingertips. "You know, in this country, it's a custom to have a peace dinner," says Doug, "It's very bad manners to say no." He offers to make her lasagna. She agrees.
At Casa de Penhall, Doug puts some soft, jazzy music on the stereo. Marta is lying on his couch. She tells him about her crosseyed older sister Amalia. When they were kids, they loved to play with slingshots and Amalia could shoot better than anyone. Doug tells her that Texas has mosquitoes big enough to carry grown men away. Marta doesn't believe him and insists the story about her sister is true.
"Why are you making fun of me?" she asks. Doug says, "Because I'm a crazy American." Marta smiles and thanks him for dinner and paying her bail. Doug leans close to her. They start to kiss.
In Father Jim's office, Judy goes through some of the file folders. Alice asks what she's doing. Judy has a warrant. The files contain names of children in El Salvador, their ages, and particulars about their parents. "I told you we keep tabs on everybody," says Alice. Judy says, "Only you forgot to tell me about the babies. Or is that Father Jim's department?" Alice claims not to know anything.
Judy tells her the police know the refugee office is connected; if Father Jim forced Alice to help him, she might get leniency. "Father Jim never forced me to do anything, especially selling babies," says Alice. That would be against everything Father Jim believes in and is trying to do. Judy asks if anyone else has access to the files. Alice's brother Ron does.
Doug goes to Father Jim's church. They talk on pews in front of some truly beautiful stained-glass windows. Father Jim explains that 90% of Salvadorean refugees seeking political asylum get sent home because El Salvador is considered a democracy. Marta will be in danger if she's sent home. "Damn, damn, I shouldn't have arrested her," Doug mutters. Father Jim says it's not his fault. Marta wanted to help other refugees and all they can do is stand by her.
At sunset, Doug and Marta walk along the beach. She points out two seagulls chasing each other. "Maybe he likes her tailfeathers," Doug suggests. Marta is chilly, so he gives her his jacket. "I've been thinkin' a lot about things, mostly about you," Doug tells her, "I wanna do this right."
Doug gets down on one knee. Marta asks what he's doing. "I'm proposing," Doug explains. Marta makes a Ziva-like comment: "Does that mean getting your pants dirty?" "No, it means that I'm asking you to marry me," he says. Marta's answer is a surprise: "Douglas, no. I'm sorry. I cannot marry you...because it's not right. Because you are only doing it to help a refugee you feel sorry for."
Doug wants to save Marta's life and he also thinks there's a possibility they'll fall madly in love as they get to know each other. They could have children, grandkids, and a house with a sun porch. "I think we could be really happy together. I don't wanna lose you," Doug finishes. "...You're scared, I'm scared. We could be scared together." Marta says yes. They kiss. That was the most tender, convincing scene I've seen between a Jump Street cop and their love interest in the whole series.
In Cap'n Rufus's office, Alice wants Ron to tell the truth. Ron gave the babies' names to a lawyer named Robert Mendez; in return, Ron got a 15% cut. He insists he was all about saving the children.
Judy and Cap'n Rufus go to Mendez's office posing as a married couple wanting to adopt a baby. Mendez tells them the process takes time. Rufus says he's not getting any younger. "We've been trying for so long already," adds Judy. Rufus asks if there's anything Mendez can do. "There are some ways we can speed up the process, but I don't usually recommend them," says Mendez, "It all depends on what you want."
Judy just wants a healthy baby. "You don't care about race?" Mendez inquires. Rufus asks, "Does it make it easier if we don't?" Mendez says there's a shorter waiting period for Hispanic babies from another country, but it can be expensive, up to $6,500 in advance. They could have a baby in 4 weeks. "What do you think?" Judy asks excitedly. Cap'n Rufus replies in the same tone, "I think Mr. Mendez is under arrest, honey." They show him their badges.
Mendez isn't concerned; the police have never been able to make a case against him before. Fuller has 2 expert witnesses who'll say Mendez sold babies. "Baby brokering is not illegal in this country." the lawyer replies. Fuller tells Mendez he exports illegal immigrants like a commodity. Mendez repeats the "save the children" speech we've already heard several times. Fuller puts the cuffs on.
In the church, Doug is wearing a suit, Marta a simple white dress. Father Jim pronounces them husband and wife. They kiss. The only other person in the church is an altar boy.
In a courtroom, Marta is waiting for her asylum hearing to start. She's imagined this moment over and over again, but in her dreams, Doug was never there. "Reality is not so bad," she says. Doug kisses her hand, she kisses his. The bailiff calls, "All rise." A female judge, Irene, is presiding over the case.
Judge Irene declares that Marta "has not met the requirements of the Refugee Act enough to establish a well-founded fear of persecution." She was also unable to establish clear evidence of physical danger to herself if she remained in El Salvador. Judge Irene denies Marta's application for asylum and her privilege of voluntary departure. She orders Marta to be placed into INS custody pending deportation.
Doug stands up: "Your Honor, my name is Doug Penhall. And I think the court should be advised that Miss Cabarras and I recently married. Given that we are very much in love and now legally wed, we request that you reevaluate your decision."
Judge Irene frowns: "Aren't you the arresting officer in this case, Mr. Penhall?" Doug confirms that. Judge Irene asks how long he's known Marta. "5 days, Your Honor," Doug replies. She asks if they were married after Marta was arrested. Doug says yes.
Judge Irene tells the court that according to the guidelines of the 1986 Marriage Fraud Act, Doug and Marta got married strictly to avoid Marta being deported. Doug argues that's not true. Judge Irene announces that the order for deportation stands.
"You cannot send me back," Marta says, crying. The bailiff leads her out of the courtroom. Doug shunts him aside so he can hug Marta. The bailiff separates them. Marta blows her new husband a kiss. Father Jim pats Doug on the shoulder.
At what looks like a police softball game, Cap'n Rufus is catching and Harry is up to bat. Rufus advises Harry to just swing at the next pitch, whatever it is. Harry strikes out. Doug is up to bat next. "Last out!" Rufus calls to his teammate.
Doug swings at the first pitch and sends it sailing into the outfield, way over everyone's head. He gets a double or a triple (can't tell watch) by sliding into base. Doug spots Father Jim in the crowd and goes over to talk to him. The priest tells Doug that he just heard from El Salvador that Marta and 3 other women were picked up by the government. "Is she okay?" Doug asks hesitantly. It's a minute before Father Jim responds, "She disappeared."
There's a montage of Doug walking on the beach with Marta, Marta working in the cafeteria, Doug introducing himself to her, arresting her, Marta imitating her sister's crossed eyes, them kissing at their wedding, and their courtroom goodbye. End of episode.
The priest discusses how foreign aid dollars from the U.S. government don't really help the people with their basic needs; the money goes to the military, the rebels, and the death squads. A young woman with long hair looks particularly affected by this speech.
Flash cut to a parking lot, where two people are exchanging money for a baby wrapped in a blanket.
Back in the auditorium, the screen displays flyers with pictures of missing children from El Salvador. The priest asks for money to save them. The young woman sheds a tear. That's possibly the heaviest opening sequence in series history. Theme song.
In the Chapel squadroom, Harry is shooting wads of paper into a basketball hoop, or rather, trying to. One hits the newspaper Doug is reading. "Put more arc on it," he growls. Harry doesn't understand the appeal of basketball. Having just survived March Madness in basketball-crazed Kentucky, I have to agree with him. Doug says it's something you have to grow up around. I've grown up around it and you'll never see me wear UK anything.
Cap'n Rufus drops a case file on the table. Babies from El Salvador are being sold to American couples. None of the adoptive families will tell the police or INS where they bought their babies. The feds suspect a local priest named Jim Kelly is involved. He's been suspected of running an underground sanctuary for years and the theory is he wants a taste of the illegal adoption fees.
Father Jim is also a professor at Saint Brendan's University. "Brush up your Latin, guys," says Harry. Funnily enough, Father Jim happens to be the name of my local priest.
In a lecture hall at Saint Brendan's, Judy is sitting in front of the class blindfolded. "Tell me where your friends are, Judy," says civilian-dressed Father Jim, picking up a baseball bat. He screams, "You wanna live? Tell me where they are!" What the hell subject is this guy supposed to be teaching, anyway? Torture 101?
Father Jim runs down the lecture hall stairs toward Judy, holding the bat over his head. Doug stands up. "HEY, HOLD IT!" he commands. Father Jim thanks Doug, removes Judy's blindfold, and asks if she's all right. She says yes. Father Jim asks the class to think about why Doug was the only one who stood up for Judy. He says what happened in class today doesn't come close to what happens to people in Chile, Guatemala, and El Salvador.
After class, a student named Ron tells Judy, "I hope the padre didn't freak you out too much." He also admits, "Father Jim is basically a nut, but he's a lunatic whose heart's in the right place." This is Ron's third class with Father Jim. Judy wants to hear more about South America. Father Jim does a lot of seminars; Ron's sister Alice goes to most of them, works in his office, and volunteers for his refugee program. Judy thinks she'll check out a seminar.
At the campus dining hall, Doug tells Harry, "No priest I ever heard of ever talked that way. He doesn't deserve to wear a collar." Doug would be a little sensitive, considering his father was an alcoholic ex-communicated priest. Harry points out that Father Jim wasn't wearing a collar in class. Doug is suddenly captivated by the girl serving food, who we recognize from the opening scene. He and Harry get in line. "How's my hair?" asks Doug. Harry says, "You look great. Go get her."
When they get to her station, the woman is speaking Spanish to a coworker. Doug tries to break out his one semester of high school Spanish, fails, and points to a dish. "Can I have some of that?" he asks in English. "In Spanish, we call this dish lasagna," she says, smiling shyly, "If you come back tomorrow, I can teach you how to say 'hot dogs.'" "I'll be here," Doug promises, then walks off without his lasagna.
Later, Doug jogs upstairs to some kind of library/lounge area. He sees the cafeteria girl sitting at a table by herself, joins her, and asks what she's reading. "El Mundo," she replies, "A newspaper from my country." Doug notices it's from El Salvador and introduces himself. Cafeteria Girl is Marta.
Doug breaks out the best Spanish gaffe since Rob Gronkowski's "yo soy fiesta": "Usted tienes huevos muy bonitas." "I have pretty eggs?" Marta translates. Doug looks embarrassed; he meant to say Marta has pretty eyes. "Your eyes are better than the World Series going into 7 games, better than Batman comics," Doug goes on. Another student shushes them.
Doug asks her to go to dinner with him. Marta can't; she's already late for a fundraiser at Father Jim's refugee center. She thinks the priest is a wonderful man. Doug asks if he could go to the fundraiser. Marta says yes. She's clearly smitten with the big guy.
At the fundraiser, Doug and Marta dance to some salsa-esque music. Father Jim gets on a small stage and asks for the crowd's attention. Marta joins him on stage. Father Jim exposits that Marta has applied for political asylum and is still waiting for her hearing: "Please realize nearly every Salvadorean like her is refused and sent back." I have a hunch where this episode is going...
Father Jim gives Marta the microphone. She talks about how she used to be a teacher who traveled to different villages to bring literacy. Flashback of Marta in a dungeon-like prison cell with a bag over her head; a guard comes in and puts a gun to her temple. "This was unacceptable to the people in power," Marta continues at the fundraiser. She was kept in prison for 10 days, which seems like a light sentence for such a barbaric sounding country.
"I was raped," Marta says, "I was tortured with cigarettes." A couple of women in the audience start to cry. Marta was released as a warning to other teachers. Flashback to Marta bound and gagged, her face battered. "It is time for the blood to stop," Marta says to the crowd, "It is time to say enough is enough." The crowd cheers and chants passionately.
In St. Bernard's courtyard, Harry tells Doug some suspicions about the priest: "A kid in his class says Father Jim doesn't speak any Spanish. Don't you think that's weird?" Doug supposes so. Harry says the only way that Father Jim could run the baby selling operation is if he has someone to translate for him. That someone could be Marta. Doug doesn't think so.
Harry knows Doug feels sorry for her. "No, that's not it," says Doug. Harry thinks Doug is letting his heart get in the way. The facts are that Father Jim needs money to keep his refugee programs going and might use unusual means for the cause. "That does not mean he uses Marta to sell babies," says Doug. Harry suggests Marta isn't being used; she thinks she's helping poor babies and couples who can't have children of their own. Doug tells Harry, "Good theory. Too bad you don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Judy goes to Father Jim's office to ask Alice about getting involved with the refugee program. Father Jim appears to say, "I wouldn't call Alice involved so much as deeply and utterly devoted." He's surprised to see Judy. Judy says she wants to volunteer. Father Jim cautions her that helping refugees can be "depressing, grim, ugly, and dangerous." According to him, the bottom line is "knowing in your heart that what you're doing is the only thing your conscience will allow you to."
Marta is standing by her van with the hood up in the parking lot. It should be noted that it's a panel van with no windows. Doug drives by and she asks if he can help fix it. Doug quickly determines it's the battery. "I'll jump ya," he says, "I mean, uh, I'll be right back."
Doug takes a set of jumper cables out of his trunk; Marta backs away, breathing heavily. She assures Doug that it's nothing. Doug gently asks what's wrong. "They used those on me in prison," Marta explains. Doug assures her, "That kinda stuff doesn't happen here. And if it did, I wouldn't let 'em touch you." Marta seems somewhat comforted by this.
In Father Jim's office, Alice and Judy file some papers. Alice says, "If anyone is gonna change the world, Jim's gonna be the one to do it." Off Judy's look, she adds, "He asked me to stop calling him 'Father' a long time ago." Ron comes in and asks if he can help with any filing. Alice hands him a stack of folders, then Judy.
Judy asks what the folders are. "Records on Salvadorean families seeking asylum." says Alice. They keep track of parents, grandparents, and children so they can "bring more people to freedom."
On campus, Marta and Doug sit under a tree. She's practically drawn herself into a ball; it's hard for her to open up, but she wants to. Doug offers to drive her to get her battery charged. "Father Jim would like to do it," she says, "Besides, you've done enough already." Doug asks to see her that night. She has something to do, but promises to see him the next morning. Marta gives him a big hug.
At the sanctuary, Father Jim and Marta sort through donated canned goods and clothes. "How is the baby?" she asks. Father Jim replies, "Still sick. It's a long trip for a child that young." Marta says the baby will have a new home soon. Father Jim plans to leave after dark. Doug is in the shadows of the hallway and overhears everything.
That night, Doug and Harry sit by the docks in an unmarked car. Doug can't stop thinking about Martha being tortured. Harry, who you think would be sympathetic because he is a Vietnamese refugee, advises, "Don't let a sad story take your eye off the ball." Doug says Marta must have a good reason for getting involved.
Marta's van pulls up below them. She and Father Jim run out toward the water's edge. A small boat meets them. They help several people out of the boat. Harry radios it in. Police cars come out of their hiding place. Doug walks down the hill, holding his badge aloft. "Father Jim Kelly, you're under arrest for violating child transportation laws," he announces, "Get him out of here." Father Jim protests that the police are making a mistake.
Doug gives more orders: Read the refugees their rights, put the baby in a police car, and "turn off some of those damn lights." Marta asks what Doug is doing. Doug replies that he's doing his job. "These people are refugees. My God, you think we're selling this child?" she gasps. Pretty much, Marta. "This child belongs to that family. We would never sell her. They are coming here for asylum." She leaves Doug standing by himself on the shore.
The next day in the Chapel squadroom, Harry tells Doug, "I guess I was wrong about Marta." People weren't as sympathetic toward Vietnamese refugees when he came to the U.S. He's sorry he was hard on Marta. Harry thinks Doug should smooth things over with her; she'll understand Doug cares about her. Doug can't face her.
On campus, Doug sees Marta taking heavy trash bags to the Dumpster. He offers to help. She tells him it's not necessary. Marta gets upset because he takes the bag from her and throws it away. Doug apologizes. Father Jim calls Marta over. Her INS hearing has been rescheduled for that Friday and he thinks she has a strong case for political asylum. The priest is getting negative attention because of Doug's investigation. Marta doesn't trust Doug. Father Jim reminds her that Doug paid her bail. He leaves.
Marta asks why Doug paid her bail. "Because I care for you, because I--" "Feel sorry for me?" she finishes. Doug doesn't and he's not using a line on her. He can't understand why she doesn't trust him. Spending time in a box getting raped and tortured by the police might have something to do with her trust issues. Marta asks if Doug was pretending to be helpful when her van broke down. Doug says no. He didn't mean to hurt her, he's just trying to figure out who's selling babies. Marta understands.
"Peace?" Doug asks, making the peace sign. Marta returns the gesture. They touch fingertips. "You know, in this country, it's a custom to have a peace dinner," says Doug, "It's very bad manners to say no." He offers to make her lasagna. She agrees.
At Casa de Penhall, Doug puts some soft, jazzy music on the stereo. Marta is lying on his couch. She tells him about her crosseyed older sister Amalia. When they were kids, they loved to play with slingshots and Amalia could shoot better than anyone. Doug tells her that Texas has mosquitoes big enough to carry grown men away. Marta doesn't believe him and insists the story about her sister is true.
"Why are you making fun of me?" she asks. Doug says, "Because I'm a crazy American." Marta smiles and thanks him for dinner and paying her bail. Doug leans close to her. They start to kiss.
In Father Jim's office, Judy goes through some of the file folders. Alice asks what she's doing. Judy has a warrant. The files contain names of children in El Salvador, their ages, and particulars about their parents. "I told you we keep tabs on everybody," says Alice. Judy says, "Only you forgot to tell me about the babies. Or is that Father Jim's department?" Alice claims not to know anything.
Judy tells her the police know the refugee office is connected; if Father Jim forced Alice to help him, she might get leniency. "Father Jim never forced me to do anything, especially selling babies," says Alice. That would be against everything Father Jim believes in and is trying to do. Judy asks if anyone else has access to the files. Alice's brother Ron does.
Doug goes to Father Jim's church. They talk on pews in front of some truly beautiful stained-glass windows. Father Jim explains that 90% of Salvadorean refugees seeking political asylum get sent home because El Salvador is considered a democracy. Marta will be in danger if she's sent home. "Damn, damn, I shouldn't have arrested her," Doug mutters. Father Jim says it's not his fault. Marta wanted to help other refugees and all they can do is stand by her.
At sunset, Doug and Marta walk along the beach. She points out two seagulls chasing each other. "Maybe he likes her tailfeathers," Doug suggests. Marta is chilly, so he gives her his jacket. "I've been thinkin' a lot about things, mostly about you," Doug tells her, "I wanna do this right."
Doug gets down on one knee. Marta asks what he's doing. "I'm proposing," Doug explains. Marta makes a Ziva-like comment: "Does that mean getting your pants dirty?" "No, it means that I'm asking you to marry me," he says. Marta's answer is a surprise: "Douglas, no. I'm sorry. I cannot marry you...because it's not right. Because you are only doing it to help a refugee you feel sorry for."
Doug wants to save Marta's life and he also thinks there's a possibility they'll fall madly in love as they get to know each other. They could have children, grandkids, and a house with a sun porch. "I think we could be really happy together. I don't wanna lose you," Doug finishes. "...You're scared, I'm scared. We could be scared together." Marta says yes. They kiss. That was the most tender, convincing scene I've seen between a Jump Street cop and their love interest in the whole series.
In Cap'n Rufus's office, Alice wants Ron to tell the truth. Ron gave the babies' names to a lawyer named Robert Mendez; in return, Ron got a 15% cut. He insists he was all about saving the children.
Judy and Cap'n Rufus go to Mendez's office posing as a married couple wanting to adopt a baby. Mendez tells them the process takes time. Rufus says he's not getting any younger. "We've been trying for so long already," adds Judy. Rufus asks if there's anything Mendez can do. "There are some ways we can speed up the process, but I don't usually recommend them," says Mendez, "It all depends on what you want."
Judy just wants a healthy baby. "You don't care about race?" Mendez inquires. Rufus asks, "Does it make it easier if we don't?" Mendez says there's a shorter waiting period for Hispanic babies from another country, but it can be expensive, up to $6,500 in advance. They could have a baby in 4 weeks. "What do you think?" Judy asks excitedly. Cap'n Rufus replies in the same tone, "I think Mr. Mendez is under arrest, honey." They show him their badges.
Mendez isn't concerned; the police have never been able to make a case against him before. Fuller has 2 expert witnesses who'll say Mendez sold babies. "Baby brokering is not illegal in this country." the lawyer replies. Fuller tells Mendez he exports illegal immigrants like a commodity. Mendez repeats the "save the children" speech we've already heard several times. Fuller puts the cuffs on.
In the church, Doug is wearing a suit, Marta a simple white dress. Father Jim pronounces them husband and wife. They kiss. The only other person in the church is an altar boy.
In a courtroom, Marta is waiting for her asylum hearing to start. She's imagined this moment over and over again, but in her dreams, Doug was never there. "Reality is not so bad," she says. Doug kisses her hand, she kisses his. The bailiff calls, "All rise." A female judge, Irene, is presiding over the case.
Judge Irene declares that Marta "has not met the requirements of the Refugee Act enough to establish a well-founded fear of persecution." She was also unable to establish clear evidence of physical danger to herself if she remained in El Salvador. Judge Irene denies Marta's application for asylum and her privilege of voluntary departure. She orders Marta to be placed into INS custody pending deportation.
Doug stands up: "Your Honor, my name is Doug Penhall. And I think the court should be advised that Miss Cabarras and I recently married. Given that we are very much in love and now legally wed, we request that you reevaluate your decision."
Judge Irene frowns: "Aren't you the arresting officer in this case, Mr. Penhall?" Doug confirms that. Judge Irene asks how long he's known Marta. "5 days, Your Honor," Doug replies. She asks if they were married after Marta was arrested. Doug says yes.
Judge Irene tells the court that according to the guidelines of the 1986 Marriage Fraud Act, Doug and Marta got married strictly to avoid Marta being deported. Doug argues that's not true. Judge Irene announces that the order for deportation stands.
"You cannot send me back," Marta says, crying. The bailiff leads her out of the courtroom. Doug shunts him aside so he can hug Marta. The bailiff separates them. Marta blows her new husband a kiss. Father Jim pats Doug on the shoulder.
At what looks like a police softball game, Cap'n Rufus is catching and Harry is up to bat. Rufus advises Harry to just swing at the next pitch, whatever it is. Harry strikes out. Doug is up to bat next. "Last out!" Rufus calls to his teammate.
Doug swings at the first pitch and sends it sailing into the outfield, way over everyone's head. He gets a double or a triple (can't tell watch) by sliding into base. Doug spots Father Jim in the crowd and goes over to talk to him. The priest tells Doug that he just heard from El Salvador that Marta and 3 other women were picked up by the government. "Is she okay?" Doug asks hesitantly. It's a minute before Father Jim responds, "She disappeared."
There's a montage of Doug walking on the beach with Marta, Marta working in the cafeteria, Doug introducing himself to her, arresting her, Marta imitating her sister's crossed eyes, them kissing at their wedding, and their courtroom goodbye. End of episode.
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