At a high school gym, a gymnastics meet is going on. A girl in a turquoise and black leotard is doing a floor routine to light, bouncy synth-pop. Her teammate in a black leotard with multicolored stripes on it is doing a front split to stretch. She looks daggers at the girl who's performing and says under her breath, "That's my music, Jordan. I heard it first." One of Black Leotard's ankles is heavily taped. She stands up.
The coach comes asks how she's feeling. Black Leotard (Jody) says her ankle hurts. Coach tells her to stop sneering at her teammates and support them. She presses a tissue to the girl's suddenly bleeding nose and firmly instructs her, "Sign yourself out and get off that foot." Jody snottily tells the coach that she's practiced in more pain.
Turquoise Leotard finishes her routine to cheers and applause, then leaves the mat. "Nice music," Jody says as she passes. The rest of the gymnastics team hugs the other girl. Jody walks to the mat and waits for her music to begin. Turquoise Leotard becomes a distraction by collapsing onto the gym floor. People on the bleachers stand up to see what's going on.
One of the assistant coaches says to the head coach, "Get an ambulance here" and starts doing CPR on the fallen gymnast. Jody puts a hand up to her own face and slowly pulls it back. Close-up of the blood on her fingertips.
Cap'n Rufus enters a conference room at police headquarters with Assistant U.S. Attorney Jack Cullinton. Cullinton explains that the official cause of the gymnast's death was ruled as a heart attack. He doubts it given that the girl was "a 15-year-old with the blood pressure of a Wall Street veteran." Rufus introduces Doug and Judy.
Cullinton exposits more about the gymnast. She was on "a weird mix of diuretics and synthetic hormones. Had herself down to 6% body fat. Her heart just couldn't take it. Frankly, this is the worst case this office has ever seen." Doug asks, "Worst case of what?" The answer would be steroid abuse.
The dead gymnast, Laura Jordan, had a laundry list of other health issues: bone structure problems and kidney damage, to name two. She was also taking a "brake drug" to stop her growth and give her "a few more years in a sport where 16 is over the hill." Judy looks up from a file to observe the drugs aren't controlled substances. If they find her supplier, they could charge him with involuntary manslaughter. Cullinton hopes this case will lead to a push to get the drugs reclassified.
Judy and Doug will be going under at Laura's old school: Augustana High. Doug will be a jock. Judy will pose as a straight-A student and tutor Jody the gymnastics team captain. With Jody and Judy being such similar names (a frequent occurrence on this show), Judy will be known for the remainder of this recap as Hoffs.
"Of the real Olympic hopefuls in this country, Augustana had two of 'em," Cullinton goes on. Laura and Jody were going to try out for the next summer's Games. The Olympic team only has 6 spots, so one of them probably wouldn't have been able to go. That sounds a lot like motive to me.
Cap'n Rufus reads off signs of steroid use: high self-esteem, a good attitude, "and, of course, a nice physique." Doug says, "I should have such problems." Cullinton advises him to tell that to Laura's parents and leaves. Really, those signs are ridiculous. Only the last one is even close to being true.
The gymnastics coach introduces Hoffs to Jody. She doesn't want to cut Jody, but she will if her grades don't improve. "Welcome to Jock High," says Jody as they stop in front of a display case crammed with trophies. Augustana's athletes have led the school to a grand total 22 state titles and 8 national.
"[I] Quit counting the guys who went on to play pro ball." Jody adds. Hoffs looks over the trophies with Jody's name on them. Jody tells her not to be impressed: "Girls in this town are pathetic. I coulda beat 'em in a wheelchair."
Jody boasts that she's in training for Olympic try-outs. Coach won silver in the '64 Games and pushes hard because that's what's needed to beat the best athletes in the world. Hoffs says she heard a girl died from their tough regimen. "That's pretty obnoxious," says Jody. Hoffs apologizes, thinking Laura was Jodie's friend. Jody disabuses her of that notion by saying Laura "abused the sport and she didn't take care of herself."
Elsewhere in the school, a male teacher calls roll, struggling with the pronunciation of Doug's undercover last name (DeJepetti). Doug coolly tells the teacher not to hurt himself. A male voice from somewhere in the classroom says, "Ogletree, give us a break." We soon see why. Mike, a football player, struts into the classroom sans shirt, although one is hanging out of his back pocket. He's tan with defined pecs, biceps, and six-pack abs. Classmates whistle and catcall.
"No shoes, no shirt, no service," says the teacher. Mike complains that it's hot. The teacher adds, "We've all seen your magnificent torso, but school policy says we have to admire it from behind your shirt." Mike misses the sarcasm entirely. He grins at the girl sitting next to him and asks, "Does my nakedness offend you?" She smiles back and several people giggle. What a tool!
Mike is a hot college prospect. The teacher hopes someone on the football field will "stomp these delusions of grandeur" out of Mike. Doug wants to know what colleges are scouting Mike. "Arizona, UCLA, maybe State," Mike answers. Doug dismisses Pac-10 schools as "sissies and weiners." Mike asks for his idea of a big-time school. "Big 8, big guy," says Doug. (Sidebar: Pac-10 is now Pac-12; Big 8 became Big 12 in '96).
Mike is still sitting in class bare-chested. "What's your bench, big guy?" Mike challenges Doug, the last two words especially mocking. Doug says it's 210 pounds. "With your baby fat?" Mike scoffs, "This I gotta see."
In a gym called Olympic Fitness, we see burly men lifting weights. A trainer leads Harry and Tom through the place, explaining their program: 12-week cycles at sub-maximum levels, gradually upping reps and intensity. From what little I know about weight training, that sounds legit. Personally, free weights are not something I like to mess around with, being a 110-pound weakling.
The trainer adds that Olympic isn't the place for people who want "some Tinkerbell to feed ya fulla that Jane Fonda baloney." He asks if Tom is happy with how he looks. (Sidebar: The dude's sweatpants are tight enough to give him the male equivalent of camel-toe. Yuck). Tom thinks adding 10 pounds wouldn't hurt. The trainer is thinking 15-20.
"I was hoping to do it kinda quickly," says Tom. The trainer asks what Tom means by that. Tom will do "whatever it takes. Diet, vitamins...whatever. As long as I'm big by Friday. I got a date." The trainer suggests they find another gym.
One of the musclebound men shows them out. Harry says they still have one more gym to check out. "Do you mind getting thrown out of it alone?" Tom asks. He wants to go to a meeting of some sort. Harry might go himself if Tom likes the meeting.
A group of men sit in what looks like a school multipurpose room. A young brunette woman (Amy) passes out folders of papers, explaining that the men's fingerprints will be checked through the FBI and they'll need to provide complete personal references to be accepted into the Big Brothers program.
The middle-aged man next to Tom decides to be a comedian. "We can save a lotta paperwork." He nudges Tom. "He can be my Little Brother." Amy seems amused; Tom does not. Amy goes on about how important it is for boys to "have a man around to talk things over with." She thanks them for coming and asks them to please apply if they're interested.
Tom goes up to her to hand back his folder. "What'd I say to make you change your mind so quickly?" asks Amy. Tom doesn't think it's right for him. The police department has an unsuccessful annual Big Brothers drive and he was just curious about what the program does. Amy encourages him to read the brochure anyway and pass it along to someone else who'd be a good role model. They're subtly eyeing each other up the whole time.
Jerry, the Augustana football coach, meets with a recruiter for State. The recruiter says Mike is a natural and could be a starter even as a freshman. Coach Jerry is unmoved and reminds the recruiter that 3 campus visits is an NCAA recruitment violation. However, the recruiter is welcome to leave a business card. The recruiter claims to be out of card and tacks a $100 bill to the "Lost" board.
In the weight room, Doug does a bench press while a kid in a Michigan State T-shirt spots him. A crowd has gathered to watch. Doug gets up. "210, my friend," he says to Mike, kissing his Saint Michael medal, "Man who would be king, so much for the home-field advantage." Mike informs him that the school bench press record is 320 pounds: "I should know; I set it myself." He leans back in his short-shorts to get down to business. As someone who can barely bench a 40-lb bar by itself, I'm sort of impressed.
Jody watches Mike add more weight to the bar. Hoffs asks her where she's been; Jody's late for their tutoring session. "I just came by to see what all the action was about," says Jody with a vacant expression. Hoffs dismisses the guys as muscleheads. Jody would she'd kill for Mike's confidence. I get the feeling she already has.
The crowd claps as Mike presses again. "Look, if you don't wanna do this, I got better things to do than tutor some pathetic jock," says Hoffs. I believe the proper term is "jockette." Jody promises they'll start tutoring the next day. Doug finishes benching 240 and gets up, enthusiastically shouting and high-fiving people.
Mike is about to add more weight to the bar when Coach Jerry comes in. He asks if Mike is trying to kill himself. Mike wanted to show Doug what Augustana players are made of. Coach Jerry says: "Yeah, well, we're not made of pulled groin muscles." Doug automatically looks down at his crotch.
Coach Jerry sizes Doug up: 6'1" and 190 pounds, big for a junior. He tells Mike to show Doug the right way to turn baby fat into muscle. Boy, if Doug didn't have body-image issues before the case started, I bet he does now. He proves me right by rubbing his stomach and asking, "What's with this baby fat?" Mike laughs and claps him on the shoulder.
As they walk into the locker room, Doug gripes about how he was set to make first-string football at his last school. His dad changed jobs, so he has to start from the bottom again. He keeps pinching at his side as he talks. He mutters, "Baby fat."
Mike promises to get Doug back into shape and asks what kind of vitamins Doug is doing. "Well, I did Wilma this morning and I'm thinkin' about doin' Fred or Dino tomorrow," Doug replies. It just figures he'd be taking Flintstones vitamins.
Mike goes to his locker and takes out a brown bottle of pills. "10 milligrams before and after reps," he says, "You pump once a day? Twice a day?" Doug lifts once a day because he's recovering from a leg pull. Mike hands Doug 2 pills and advises him to "slam some complex carbs" at dinner.
Doug asks if these are vitamins. Mike says, "Sort of." Doug looks over his shoulder toward the sinks. Mike tells him to dry-swallow the pills or return them. Doug pops the pills in his mouth and tips his head back. "Now you look like a guy with some possibilities," says Mike. He leaves. Doug leans against the lockers, pondering the ramifications of what he's just done. To quote a PSA, "Don't you put it in your mouth if you don't know what it is."
Harry tries to order a 500-count bottle of some sort of supplement over the phone. Tom is perched cross-legged on Harry's desk looking at a weight-lifting magazine. Blowfish taps one of the pictures and says, "This is what I call a guy with a well-toned body." Tom informs Blowfish that it's a picture of a woman. Blowfish shrugs, "She's still the best-lookin' guy I've ever seen."
Doug is over at Hoffs' desk, cheerfully pouring her some coffee. He seems to be wearing the same shirt he was weightlifting in the day before. Ew. Hoffs asks what his problem is. Doug asks, "Can't a guy be in a good mood?" Tom answers, "Not if he's you. Now cut it out. You're scaring us."
Doug comes over to Harry's desk with the coffeepot and rapidly shouts, "Cups, cups, cups!" Tom and Blowfish decline, but Harry holds out his mug. Doug almost spills hot coffee on Harry's arm while he's pouring.
Cap'n Rufus thanks Blowfish for moving his file cabinet. Blowfish didn't; he points to Doug. "Had a little extra time this morning," Doug explains in a perky voice. Rufus immediately knows something's up and says Doug's favorite phrase: "In my office, Penhall." Doug shoves the coffeepot at Blowfish.
Cap'n Rufus demands to know why Doug didn't regurgitate the pills. Doug looks nervous as he replies, "Puke? I can't do that. I never could." Rufus glares at him and snaps back, "You're an undercover cop, Doug. You learn to puke!" Doug nods.
Rufus inquires if Doug is feeling all right. He shrugs, "I'm fine. I got energy to burn." He adds Mike isn't a typical dealer and Doug doubts anyone even knows what's going on. Rufus wants the supplier connected to Laura's death and the case closed. "I'm readin' the guy," Doug explains. Cap'n Rufus doesn't want his officer's health or the Jump Street program put in jeopardy. Doug is dismissed.
Doug comes out of the office with a scowl on his face. Tom grins and says, "That's my boy." Cap'n Rufus walks over to shake Tom's hand. The candidate's handshake type is a question on the employer questionnaire for the Big Brother application.
Tom wonders if applying is a mistake: "It's gotten to the point where I can't even look at a kid without thinking: 'A couple more years and I'll be slammin' him up against his locker, readin' him his rights.'" At the same time, being a Big Brother might give him some much-needed perspective.
In the Augustana football office, Coach Jerry meets with his star player. Mike looks over a scholarship offer and crumples it up. "No car, no deal," he says, picking up a brochure advertising a sports car. Coach Jerry thinks State's offer is worth considering; they have 6 defensive backs graduating. "If we could put another 20 pounds on you over the summer, could mean a lotta game time for you as a freshman," says Coach Jerry. Mike considers this and asks if he'd get an apartment.
Coach Jerry thinks they can make that happen with a little subterfuge. Mike will report to State for football camp and early registration: "Only with summer classes still in session, they gotta put ya up in an apartment. You just never move out." Mike grins.
Doug interrupts their chat to ask Coach Jerry if he's "got anything for a shoulder casualty." Coach Jerry hands Mike a brown bottle out of his desk and tells the kid to use it sparingly. In the locker room, Mike rubs something into Doug's bare shoulder. Doug pokes his shoulder and is glad the mystery substance works better than it tastes. Mike says, "DMSO, man. Little dab'll do ya."
Sidebar: DMSO is good old-fashioned horse liniment. It absorbs quickly into any pore it comes in contact with, so it's great for pain. One of its more interesting properties is that it can then be secreted onto your tongue, leaving a garlicky taste in your mouth. I worked with horses for 2 summers in high school, so I'm intimately familiar with the stuff. And there actually was a book written about it called A Little Dab'll Do Ya.
Anyway, Mike warns Doug to keep his mouth shut. Horse liniment is legal but not on the school board's approved list. Doug asks if he should talk to Coach Jerry about getting more of the pills from yesterday. "If I were you, I wouldn't say anything to the coach about any of this," says Mike. Doug offers money.
Mike agrees to hook Doug up, but not after school because he has to work out at the gym. The football boosters got him a membership. "Perks, my friend," he says, tossing Doug a towel. Doug asks if he can watch Mike work out, but Mike doesn't answer.
Jody does a backflip off the balance beam. She lands on her feet, but it's hard and awkward. "No, no, no!" says the gymnastics coach, who's watching with a video camera, "You're still leading with your hips; you're all over the place. Where is your concentration?" Jody pouts that she doesn't feel well. Coach tells Jody to shower so they can go over the videotapes. Jody wants to try the flip again; she just needs a minute to breathe.
Coach reminds her that Jody and Laura were different gymnasts. Jody argues that Laura was better and she's wasting Coach's time. Coach disagrees, "Sheer desire can put you on top. I've seen it before." Jody promises she'll get her aggression back. Enter Hoffs. Coach dismisses Jody from practice, saying, "There's no point in continuing with that attitude." Hoffs tells Jody she wanted get pizza before the movie. Jody turns her down in favor of reviewing her tapes.
Hoffs walks over to Coach, who's packing up the video camera and tripod. She asks how Hoffs finds life at Augustana. Hoffs replies, "A little obsessive, thank you." Coach says Jody doesn't have time to start a friendship; she's been training her whole life for the Olympic trials. Judy thinks that friends should be Jody's decision. Coach tells Hoffs to stick to tutoring.
Over dinner, Mike tells his mom that he's planning to go to State. Doug compliments Mrs. Ogletree on her cooking. There's no Mr. Ogletree in sight, but Mike's little brother (probably 8 years old or so) is at the table. Mike says, "Wait 'til I break bad in the NFL. Set you guys up in a real place." His mother chides him. It is a pretty nice house. Mike tells Doug to follow him upstairs.
In Mike's room, Doug admires two huge goldfish swimming in an aquarium. Mike educates him on the pros and cons of oral steroids: "They're great to break off cycles, but they have to pass through your vitals." Doug asks dumbly, "The fish?" Mike snaps, "No, the orals."
Mike ran into complications with them the previous season; he got side pains and passed blood so he laid off them for a month. "Man, did I take a beating," Mike says, "I sat out 2 games." Oh yeah, that'll really wreck your season. He justifies the steroids by saying there's 1,000 guys out for every NFL contract and they give him an edge.
While saying this, he fills up a syringe and walks it over to Doug. "I thought that was for you," Doug says. He gets nervous and stammers that he doesn't like needles. He promises to take it tomorrow. Instead, Mike squirts the contents of the syringe into the fish tank. Doug says he'll pay Mike back if he knows where to buy it.
Mike hands Doug two of the same pills he had in his gym locker. Seeing no other option, Doug pops them in his mouth and crunches away. Mike hands over the bottle. Doug asks how much he owes. Mike says they're free: "Now go work out and be aggressive."
Just then, Mike's unnamed little brother runs into the room and jumps onto Mike's bed. Mike grins. "Hey, animal, it's sack time for you," he says good-naturedly. He throws the kid over his shoulder and leaves. Doug seizes the opportunity to examine the vial on Mike's dresser. He finds more vials and pill bottles in the underwear drawer. He slips one of the vials inside his jacket and leaves.
In the Chapel's bathroom, Doug kneels down, shakes his head around a little bit, and sticks a finger down his throat. He starts retching and ducks out of sight.
We see him exit the bathroom a bit later. He wipes his mouth and slides down the firepole to join Tom, who's shooting hoops in the squadroom. Tom gripes, "That was rude. I was right in the middle of telling you something." Doug says he had official police business. Tom shoots back that he should stop eating official police evidence.
Doug tells Tom that he got a Big Brother questionnaire in the mail the previous day. He thinks the time commitment would interfere with Tom's bowling. "Would you rather teach your patented left-to-right slider to a full-grown woman or some booger-faced kid?" he asks. Tom says Doug is missing the whole point of being a Big Brother.
Doug is impressed by Mike, who's being heavily scouted by colleges and "his greatest thrill in life is puttin' his kid brother to bed." Tom tells Doug not to compare him to a dope dealer; Doug doesn't have to write a recommendation letter if he doesn't want to. Doug thinks they're hassling Mike for no reason: "He's not dealing anything and I don't think he's connected to her [Laura's] death."
Tom tells him to find out who it is and rejoin humanity. Doug asks what's wrong with getting to know his suspect. They start arguing and shouting over each other. Harry interrupts to tell them that the vial Doug brought contained synthetic testosterone. It's the same type that's connected to a black-market ring the DEA thought had been stopped. It was also found in Laura's body.
The next morning in the Chapel, the Jump Street team meets with Cullinton. The pills that Mike gave to Doug came from a pharmaceutical company in Mexico. Cap'n Rufus asks Doug if he's had his first buy. "He keeps giving 'em to me," Doug says, obviously frustrated. Fuller suggests someone might be giving the drugs to Mike. Not the coaches, though. Harry checked into their backgrounds.
Cap'n Rufus thinks it's time to stick a badge in Mike's face. Doug wants to solve the case without ruining Mike's football career. "You ever think maybe he was just as generous to the Jordan girl?" asks Rufus. Doug looks down at the floor. Cullinton has files about the Mexican pharmaceutical company on their way to the Chapel, about 300 of them. Rufus assigns Harry and Tom to help Cullinton read through all the files.
In Jody's room, Hoffs checks out a bulletin board full of medals, ribbons, and newspaper clippings. She wonders why Laura and Jody weren't friends; they placed first and second in every meet. "It's hard to be friends with someone who stands in your way," says Jody, "Laura would've gone next summer. She would've made the Olympic team, not me. She cheated."
Hoffs wonders how it's possible to cheat in gymnastics. Jody explains that what little weight Laura had was all muscle. Hoffs asks if Jody knows Mike. Jody says they used to be friends and tried to date. They broke up because Jody used to get nosebleeds and Mike thought they were ugly. She says she doesn't get them anymore, but she still doesn't feel very good sometimes.
Tom and Amy sit on the couch at his apartment. She apologizes for having to put him through an impromptu home visit, but it's required as part of the Big Brother application process. Tom is hoping to get a kid named Greg as his Little Brother. Amy thinks he'd be terrific for him; Greg's last Big Brother moved out of town when his job transferred him. Tom and Amy kiss. It progresses to making out.
Tom pulls away first, asking if this is how she found Greg's first terrific Big Brother. They bicker about the kiss for a few minutes. Amy thinks someone else should review his application in light of what happened. "Well, so now you can stay," says Tom. No dice.
Harry and Tom look over the drug files. Tom says the only problem with being a Big Brother would be dealing with Amy: "You know the type. Stuffy, professional...beautiful eyes." Cullinton comes in with more files. They're looking for deliveries in the area that were made to places that aren't licensed to dispense prescription drugs.
Doug and Mike come out the back door of Olympic Fitness. Doug whoops excitedly when he sees Mike's new car; Mike only signed your letter of intent the previous day. Mike shrugs, "State wants me bad. What can I say?" He asks if Doug finished the bottle of pills. Doug did and wants more so he can go into business himself.
Dave the trainer comes out to give Mike his gym bag, which Mike forgot it in the locker room. He congratulates Mike on going to State. Doug and Mike get in the car. Doug offers him $200 for 10 vials. Mike wipes at his bloody nose as he drives.
At Mike's house, he and Doug go up the stairs. Mike goes over the finer points of their business plan. "You're not writing any of this down," he says. Doug promises he won't forget. Mike grabs Doug by his jacket and shoves him into the wall. "See that you don't," he growls.
Mike wants Doug to save some of the steroids to mail to him once he starts at State. In Mike's room, his brother is standing on a chair looking into the fish tank. Mike snaps at him to get down because he already fed the fish. "I didn't mean to," says Baby Bro. Both of the giant goldfish are dead. Mike starts to chase after his brother. Doug gets knocked into a wall.
Mike's mom comes out and sees the two older boys fighting in the hall. Baby Brother keeps shouting protests that he didn't mean to kill the fish. I'm pretty sure the steroids that got squirted in the tank did the job. Mike and Doug lose their balance and roll down the stairs. Once at the bottom, Doug sits on Mike's back and handcuffs him. "I didn't sell you nothin', man!" yells Mike. Doug suddenly remembers that little detail. "Damn," he whispers to himself.
Tom paces Amy's office with a pink folder in hand. "You are a very confused woman," he tells her, "Someone rejects you so you reject them?" Amy hands him a letter of personal recommendation that was written about him: "Personally, I'm not rejecting you, but based on that letter, I have to reject your application."
Back in Jody's room, she and Hoffs watch Jody's most recent gymnastics tape. Jody keeps rewinding it to see her mistakes. "I went to the zone meets like that, they'd think I came to sell T-shirts," she says. Jody gets up to put a different tape in the VCR; it was shot 2 months before. There's a noticeable and positive difference in her athleticism when compared to that afternoon.
At the Chapel, Mrs. Ogletree arrives to bail her son out. She claims Mike and his brother were just roughhousing. Doug disagrees. Cap'n Rufus informs her that Mike is taking steroids. "My son only takes prescription drugs," she says sniffily. Doug reminds her that a girl is dead. Mrs. Ogletree wants to leave. What a charming woman.
Doug asks if they can charge Mike with furnishing. No, because the drugs aren't a controlled substance. Cap'n Rufus praises Doug for protecting Mike's brother. Problem is now Mike's going home.
Doug tells Mrs. Ogletree that Mike will get drug tested at State and lose his scholarship. "They only test before Bowl games," says Mike, "And for every test, there's 10 ways around it." Rufus lets Mike out of the holding cell.
Harry comes in with a new lead. A local fitness company did $55,000 worth of business with the Mexican drug company even though they don't have a pharmaceutical license. The company's bank records include canceled checks from Laura's father. Cap'n Rufus tells them to get buy money and a warrant. He addresses Doug and Tom, "And whatever it is between you two, put it on the back burner."
Tom roughly parks his Mustang outside Olympic Fitness. Doug gets out. "She let you read my letter? I thought it was confidential!" he says. Tom regrets not asking Harry to write the letter of recommendation.
Inside the gym, they meet up with Dave and go to his office. Doug pays for some drugs and gets a receipt written out as if he actually bought a rowing machine. Dave explains that his customers who pay by check need receipts for their records; he doesn't actually sell any equipment. Tom opens a file cabinet. They reveal that they're cops.
Doug says Dave's under arrest for involuntary manslaughter. Tom finds a receipt with Laura Jordan's name on it, written as though she leotards and tights. Dave doesn't sell those either. Doug and Tom perp-walk Dave downstairs. No one in the gym even looks up. Hoffs is there. Tom hands her a receipt with Jody's name on it, dated that morning. She looks disappointed.
In the Augustana gym, Jody comes down from the balance beam when she sees Hoffs. Hoffs flashes her badge and explains that she knows about the steroid ring. Jody says athletes have to make sacrifices. Hoffs tells her steroids cause irreversible damage. Jody isn't moved: "Talk to me next summer." Hoffs tries to appeal to her femininity by pointing out that steroids could make Jody infertile.
Jody realizes Dave must've been arrested. No worries, she'll find another source. Her nose starts to bleed again. "Oh, Jody," Hoffs says sadly. Jody has a real one-track mind; her parting words are "I'm goin' next summer. And I'm gonna win."
What will become of our two athletes? Let's go to the title cards. Jody "made it to the final round of the zone meets, but was disqualified for injecting cortisone acetate into an ankle injury that wouldn't heal." Presumably the same one she was struggling with at the beginning of the episode. Mike "reported to State College. He collapsed on the field during the 4th game of the season. He lost his kidney the next afternoon."
Doug tries to call Tom from the Chapel, but gets his answering machine. He slams his phone around a little. "Tom, I know you're there," he says, "Look, we gotta talk about this sooner or later. Don't you think I had a good reason for doin' what I did? Huh?"
Tom answers the phone. Doug thinks Tom jumped into Big Brothers without really thinking about it first. Tom argues that it was his mistake to make and threatens to hang up. "And what about the kid?" asks Doug, "What happens to him in 6 weeks when you realize you ain't got enough for him, huh?" Tom has to go. Doug apologizes to him. Tom hangs up.
Amy appears. She's wearing nothing but a bathrobe and her hair is wet. She thinks Doug was right. Tom pulls her over the back of the couch saying, "Git ovah heah" in a tough-guy New York accent. They start making out. Amy finds a Coke can between the couch cushions. She isn't grossed out in the slightest and keeps kissing him.
End of episode.