The episode opens at a bar called Rosalita's. It looks like a pretty cool place to hang out: football on the TV, a big dance floor, pool tables, gold records over the bar, and even a pinball machine. A music video is playing on a different TV, the female singer's lyrics are bizarre: "I look in your window and watch you undress...I'm looking forward to a tiny plastic knife."
Everyone there seems to be having a great time, except for the guy arguing with his girlfriend. We can't hear what they're saying, but it's heated; the boyfriend accidentally knocks his beer glass onto the floor. The bouncer comes in and grabs the boyfriend. His girlfriend seems to work there, because she goes behind the bar and gets ready to pour a drink.
Outside, the boyfriend is lying on the sidewalk with a cut next to his eye and a bloody nose. He tries to pull himself to a standing position using a nearby wooden pallet. Two young ladies happen upon him. The curly-haired one shouts for her friend to call an ambulance. The guy tells her, "I'm fine. Leave me alone." The girls leave. Theme song.
In the Chapel squadroom, Blowfish collects money and a sheet of paper from Doug for the office football pool. Judy says to count in her in too. Funnily enough, Holly Robinson wound up marrying Rodney Peete, who was playing quarterback for the Detroit Lions at the time this episode originally aired.
Judy is studying 10-codes and keeps screwing them up. She gets frustrated, worrying she won't pass her detective promotion exam. Doug tells her, "You're cramming, turning your brain to guacamole. You gotta learn the material." That's a bit rich coming from him because he comes right out and says he's gonna wing it on his own exam.
Judy asks if Tom is taking the test too. Tom rudely responds, "Yeah, I got a letter of recommendation from my cell block captain." Cap'n Rufus turns in his football pool money; he doesn't know why he bothers because he never wins. He asks how the investigation of Rosalita's is going. Doug has been hired at the bar and Tom is getting close to the last beating victim.
Blowfish asks why Cap'n Rufus has two sets of football picks. Rufus explains that the first sheet was based on logic, stats, and handicapping; the second is a reverse of the first.
Just then, Harry reports for duty, walking with a cane. Everyone goes over to greet him. The credits announce that all songs in the episode were performed by The B-52s; I wonder if they'll play "Love Shack." Fuller asks how Harry is feeling. He's better, but it still hurts to breathe deep. He's glad to be back at work. Harry is holding the Bruce Lee poster that someone brought to his hospital room; he hangs it back up over his desk.
That night, Doug stands outside Rosalita's checking IDs. He's wearing a Patrick Swayze style bouncer uniform: tight jeans and a plain black T-shirt. We can hear the intro to "Love Shack" playing inside the bar. Tom is next in line. Doug asks if it's a real ID and when Tom's birthday is. Tom answers, "April 4th, 1968." "What's your sign?" asks Doug. Tom puts on a flirty voice and says, "Why? You wanna buy me a drink?" The other bouncer tells Doug to keep the line moving. Doug says to Tom, "Have a good time, Judy." Tom makes a kissing noise.
Inside the bar, the beating victim introduces Tom to the blond bar employee we saw earlier. He says Tom lives in the same dorm as him. The blond bar employee is Laurie the assistant manager. Tom offers to buy them drinks. Laurie asks the bartender for 3 beers.
Outside, the other bouncer shows off his boots to Doug. They're Army-issued steeltoes. He recommends Doug buy a pair because "those sneakers ain't gonna do you any good." Bouncer also advises Doug not to carry a knife or anything; a standard size Maglite will do the trick. "You hit somebody with this, they ain't gettin' up." He hands the Maglite to Doug and tells him to cover the door so he can go inside to watch the football game.
Inside, Tom, Laurie, and Beating Victim are discussing the game. The bouncer comes in and tells Beating Victim he has a present for him. They step outside. Laurie asks Tom what his major is. Even though Tom has been going undercover for 4 years at this point, the question catches him off guard. He tells Laurie that he's undeclared. Laurie is in grad school for business. Tom excuses himself to the men's room. Laurie tells him where it is.
Back outside, we see Bouncer walk off with a male patron following him. Doug is checking IDs and doesn't notice. Tom doesn't follow Laurie's directions and heads down the street. He sees the male patron giving a stack of cash to Bouncer.
After closing, Tom and Doug discuss the case. Doug thinks someone named Darryl may be a dealer; he heard Darryl tell Lennie the bouncer to come to his dorm at 1:00 AM. But drugs wouldn't explain the beatings. Oh yes, it would; drug dealers don't exactly make collection calls. Tom speculates there may be a girl involved. Doug tells him nothing suspicious is going on at the door; he hasn't seen anyone get too rough with anyone they bounce out.
Tom tells Doug that he's thinking about quitting. "You mean turning in your badge? You just got it back." says Doug. Law enforcement is in Tom's blood. Tom says he's gonna check his options. Doug asks him not to do anything crazy without talking to him first. Tom agrees and tells Doug he's hungry.
They go to a pizza parlor for takeout. Doug pays for the pizza with $50 "compliments of the Cleveland Browns." He got the money to bet from Lennie. "The bouncer?" asks Tom. Doug says, "We prefer 'door security.'" When the cashier starts to hand Doug his change, he adds, "Keep it, babe."
Later that night, Tom is lying awake in bed when he hears something outside. He sees Lennie's car in the dorm parking lot; Lennie takes a briefcase out of the trunk. In the dorm hallway, he greets Laurie and says he'll be with her in a minute. Lennie knocks on someone's door; the student lets him in. Tom comes out of his room to investigate.
Lennie is showing something in the briefcase to the student. "That is beautiful, man!" the student exclaims. "Let's do it," says Lennie. Lennie and the kid walk through a set of blue double doors. Tom follows them. He finds Laurie, Darryl aka Beating Victim, Lennie, and some other students gathered around a poker table in a lounge area. Darryl invites Tom to join them, but tells him there's a $200 buy-in. Tom reaches into his pocket.
In the Chapel squadroom, Judy asks Harry why he's passing up the opportunity for a new rank and better pay. Harry doesn't feel up to the detectives' exam. Judy reminds him that it's only given once every 2 years. Harry loses his temper: "What is it with you and this exam? Why is it so important to you that I take it?" Harry takes a bottle out of his pocket, tips a couple of pills into his hands, and swallows them.
Judy repeats that she doesn't want to see Harry pass up a good opportunity. Harry appreciates that, but he still doesn't want to take the test. Judy says, "You took the damn thing 2 years ago." "Things were different then," says Harry, limping away.
In Cap'n Rufus's office, Doug is lying on the couch. Tom says, "I think we're on a gambling case. Lennie and Darryl were in a high-stakes poker game at the dorm last night." Tom couldn't afford the buy-in. "You think those kids gettin' beat up had somethin' to do with gambling debts?" Doug, surely you've heard of leg-breakers. Rufus thinks it's impossible and finds it hard to believe a bouncer is running the whole operation. He peevishly asks if he can get Doug anything. "Cold soda would be nice," Doug replies.
At Rosalita's, the crowd is much more rowdy. Everyone is thrusting money at Lennie. A man in a tuxedo announces that it's one minute to post time. A banner overhead reads SANTA ROSALITA'S, THE HOME OF TURTLE RACING. The turtles in question have different colored bands of duct tape around their shells to distinguish them. Tom bets on a turtle fresh off a 2-week suspension for steroids. They're giving steroids to turtles? Seriously? That's so cruel. Darryl tells Tom to bet $50 on the favorite. Tom bets $20.
A bell rings. And they're off and crawling! Two turtles start in the wrong direction. The crowd cheers wildly for the remaining ones. A turtle with a red-and-yellow band named Charlie Hustle wins. I laugh.
Historical note for non-sports fans: Charlie Hustle was Pete Rose's nickname. Back in '89, he was managing the Cincinnati Reds. He's best known for being banned from the sport and the Baseball Hall of Fame for, you guessed it, illegal gambling. That, plus the episode title, is quite the dig.
Lennie goes through the crowd, distributing money to the winners. Tom tells Darryl he wants real action. Darryl asks if Tom bets football and how much he's willing to bet. Tom says $300-400 and he wants to put it on UCLA. "Forget UCLA, bet Arizona State," Darryl advises. Darryl himself can't bet on football because he's "a little tapped out." He wants a cut of Tom's money if Tom wins.
A sports announcer comes on the TV to report on the college games. UCLA lost and Arizona State won. A different TV is showing horse racing. Tom gives Darryl 20% of his winnings from football. Darryl asks what Tom is doing the rest of the afternoon.
Tom, Darryl, and Laurie go to a racetrack. Kentucky Derby style fanfare plays over the race. Their horse wins. Laurie hugs Darryl. They go to the betting window to collect their winnings. Darryl knows how he can double them: betting on the LSU/Mississippi State game that night. "Just go with me on this, you won't regret it," says Darryl, promising the game is a lock. Football is pretty unpredictable; the Seahawks were favored to win 2 Super Bowls in a row and look what happened there.
That night, Tom and Doug walk through campus. Tom is amazed about Darryl turning his $300 into $2,000. He accuses Doug of only betting on LSU because Darryl did. Doug says it was his own gut feeling; he's been on a hot streak and knows he'll ace the detectives' exam.
The next day, we see a classroom full of police officers, some in uniform and some in plainclothes. Harry is there and looks like he has a headache. Tom is waiting in the hallway. Doug comes out and says it was "nothin' but net." He asks who won the Jets game. Tom says the Jets lost by 10 points. Doug cheers, then realizes how close to the classroom they are. Doug can't believe they gives these exams on Sundays and says he has to make a phone call before his interview.
Doug's interviewer asks if Doug would like to remain on Jump Street if he makes detective. Doug would, but understands the possibility of being reassigned.
Harry's interviewer mentions his medal for conspicuous bravery; Harry replies, "That sorta came with the bullet." To Harry, making detective means a pay increase, rank change, and more responsibility. He shoots himself in the foot by asking "Are we almost done?"
Judy's interview is next. She talks about being Officer Milk Carton for the school safety program. The interviewer says, "And you're also a college graduate?" "Oh, you have to be to be Officer Milk Carton," Judy smiles.
In the dorm, someone is knocking on Tom's door. He opens it to find Darryl. Tom asks where his money is. "I'm afraid I got some bad news," says Darryl. He bet on a Giants game instead of LSU like Tom asked and the Giants lost to the tune of $4,000. Tom is not happy that Darryl bet his money on a team without asking him. "We gotta talk, partner, he says, shutting the door.
In a bar (presumably Rosalita's), Doug asks what's wrong with making extra money on a football game. "It's illegal," Tom points out. They argue about the lottery vs. sports betting. Doug says he's very hot and knows how the teams are playing; the lottery is just a numbers racket. He wants to know what the difference is between this and playing cards with Blowfish. "Blowfish isn't gonna break my kneecaps if I lose," says Tom.
In the Chapel squadroom, Judy opens the envelope with her test results. "I got it! I got it, Harry!" she cheers. They hug. Harry doesn't want to open his results. Doug opens his letter and his eyes give away the outcome. He congratulates his coworkers and adds, "I didn't make it." Harry didn't either. Doug asks what Judy got on the written exam. She graciously declines to give a number. "I got an 810. 810, that's really high," says Doug, crumpling up his letter.
Outside Rosalita's, Lennie tells Doug a joke about a guy who went to his bookie after losing $30,000 in a year; the bookie advised the guy to bet on hockey. He asks why Doug is down. Doug tells him that he failed a test. Lennie tells him it's not a big deal. He then asks if Doug wants to "kick some ass tonight" on "some puke who owes money." "To who?" Douh asks.
Lennie won't say. He just tells Doug they'll get 20% of what they collect. Doug would rather know who he's working for. Lennie asks if Doug is a cop. Doug responds, "Yeah, I work undercover. I fail tests by day and at night, I check IDs at a beer joint." He wants to know who the puke is.
It turns out to be Darryl, who asks not to be hit; he can get the money in a few hours. Darryl goes to the bank. His credit card has a $1,000 line of credit, but he can only advance $200 in cash. He goes to a gas station and a guy says, "Let me get this straight. If I give you $20, you'll give me $25 in gas [on your credit card]?" A motorhome pulls in and Darryl says, "Jackpot!"
At a university office, Darryl asks, "$1,200 a semester? I thought we were getting an increase." The male worker tells him it's only for grad students. Darryl tells a woman in financial aid that his student loan check hasn't come through, his parents are out of town, and tuition is due; she agrees to give him a one-week extension, but he can't continue classes if he doesn't pay by the next Friday.
Darryl meets Tom at a diner. Tom asks, "Are you kidding? You cashed out your tuition check?" Darryl says there's almost $2,000. "It's only money." "It's your tuition, man," says Tom. He suggests they make a partial payment. Darryl doesn't think they should pay at all. "You wanna get your head beaten in again?" asks Tom. Darryl wants to bet $4,000 on Monday Night Football.
Tom is incredulous. "You lose, this guy's really gonna hurt you," he warns. Darryl says being on the edge is a rush. Tom thinks Darryl has a gambling problem. Darryl thinks he doesn't have anything to lose; he's not married, no kids, no house, and is putting himself through school. He knows who's gonna win the game.
"Do you realize you don't do anything but gamble?" asks Tom. Darryl doesn't think so. He skis, plays tennis, and collects stamps. Tom thinks he's out of his mind to even consider this bet. Lennie and Doug enter the restaurant. Darryl hides his money.
The bouncers join them at the table. Lennie grabs Darryl by his shirt and asks for his money. Tom says they want to bet it. Doug elbows him in the chest. Tom adds that they want to do it through the book. "All bets go through me," says Lennie. Tom doesn't think Lennie's boss would be happy to lose a $4,000 bet. Doug thinks they should take the bet.
Tom and Darryl walk down the street later. Tom wants to make the bet himself without Darryl getting involved. Darryl agrees. Tom will bet on the Cincinnati Bengals minus 2.5 points. Ah, the old days when the Bengals didn't totally suck. Darryl and Tom high-five outside Rosalita's. Tom goes in to make his bet. At this hour of the day, the bar is deserted. Tom waits with his money. "I understand you wanna make a large bet on Monday Night Football," says Laurie.
Cap'n Rufus, "What do you find so unusual, that she's a woman or that Darryl didn't know who he was betting with?" "Both," Tom replies. Rufus thinks Laurie probably bets a lot of what she collects. Tom asks his boss how he knows so much about gambling. Rufus has made a few bets in his day. They talk about how no system ever works and that the odds always favor the house. "Not last night," says Tom, meaning he won his bet.
Bookmaking isn't a serious crime, so Laurie will likely get a slap on the wrist. They can charge Lennie with assault if someone loses big enough.
Out in the squadroom, Doug and Judy are arguing: "Why don't you go ahead and say it? You think I only made detective because I'm a woman, a black woman." "Double minority," Doug reminds her, "What else could it possibly be?" Judy adds that she has a college degree. Doug says he has twice as many busts and scored 810 on the exam. Judy suggests the interview might've been the problem.
"You didn't even study," she goes on. Doug says he didn't have to. Judy thinks he's arrogant. Doug demands to know what she got on the written exam. "950," she says. She adds that it's nobody's fault but Doug's that he didn't make detective.
Tom goes back to Rosalita's. He asks Laurie to cut Darryl off. Laurie says Darryl came in earlier to bet on the Dodgers: "I'm a bookmaker, not a guidance counselor." Nobody makes Darryl bet. Laurie is using the bookie business to pay for school. Tom asks to bet $2,000 on Tampa Bay.
Back in the dorm, Darryl is on the phone with his mom. He promises to be home for Thanksgiving and asks her to send more money. He lies that he spent what she already gave him on books. Darryl wants to be a sports reporter. He says he needs $5,000 and suggests she cash in savings bonds to get it. He swears he's not in trouble.
Tom and Doug appear in the doorway, but Darryl doesn't see them. Darryl says, "I know Dad works hard, but you always said you were saving those bonds for college." He asks her to think about it. "Mom, please don't say no." He hangs up. Tom and Doug push the door open.
Darryl wants to know what's going on. The Dodgers lost and Darryl's tuition money went with it. Darryl asks why Doug is there. Badge reveal. Darryl's next question is, "Am I getting arrested?" Tom repeats that Darryl has a problem. "I think we need to have a talk, partner," Darryl agrees.
At Rosalita's, Lennie tells Tom that he owes. Tom says he's decided not to pay. Lennie grabs Tom by his jacket and drags him outside. Doug follows. Outside, Lennie slams Tom against a brick wall. "What're you gonna do?" Tom asks, "Beat the money outta me with a flashlight? ...If you think I'm gonna give 2 grand to some chick, you're outta your mind."
Lennie threatens to kick Tom's ass. Tom flashes his badge. "You believe this crap?" Lennie asks Doug. Doug replies that he does; he's a cop too. "You got a gun?" asks Lennie. "No," says Doug.
Lennie punches Doug in the stomach, then the jaw. Doug picks up Lennie and slams him into the wall; Lennie hits him in the head again. Doug throws a metal trashcan at Lennie, but he just catches it. Doug hits Lennie with a trashcan lid, momentarily stunning the bouncer/leg-breaker. "You aren't even gonna help me?" Doug yells angrily to his partner. "You're doin' fine," Tom assures him. Doug manages to knock Lennie senseless so they can arrest him.
Tom and Doug go inside to tell Laurie she's under arrest for assault, conspiracy to commit bookmaking, bookmaking, extortion, and robbery. "You think I'm all alone in this?" Laurie asks, "Let's just say there's people behind me and people behind them." Doug asks for names. Laurie says that someone will be at the bar tomorrow to take her place. As they leave with a handcuffed Laurie, the crowd is oblivious because they're all watching football.
Blowfish comes around the squadroom with Week 4 sheets for the football pool. Doug crumples his up. He stops Judy on her way out, apologizing for the way he acted. Judy understands that Doug said what he said out of frustration. Doug agrees that not studying is something he shouldn't have gambled on. Judy tells him good night. "Good night, Detective," Doug says, no sarcasm this time. They smile at each other. End of episode.