Case #2.04: "Two for the Road"

Posting this recap as kind of a PSA. If you're planning on a having a drink (or several) to ring in 2013, make sure you have someone sober take you home. Don't become a DUI injury, death, or arrest statistic. Also, don't buy alcohol for anybody who's not old enough to drink or drink if you're underage. Sermon over.

The episode opens with a shot of a field of yellow roses. I have a soft spot for those since they're my sorority's flower. Some little boys can be seen riding bikes on a path and a couple is taking a walk, meaning this must be a park. 

A teen boy pushes another in a wheelchair and carries on a one-sided conversation. The boy in the wheelchair has braces on his neck and back, is on oxygen, and isn't responding. It's not clear whether he's grumpy or has lost the ability to speak. The boy pushing the wheelchair tells his companion that he passed off one of the latter's school essays as his own. What a charming friend.

Wheelchair Pusher puts Walkman headphones over his friend's ears. He takes the wheelchair deeper into the park and stops on a bridge to smoke a cigarette. We see and hear a huge splash as something heavy lands in the water. The Walkman is thrown off the bridge. And Wheelchair Pusher is now officially the worst friend ever! 

At a liquor store, a teenage Pauly Shore adds a six-pack to the two cases he's balancing on his arms. He goes up to the counter, where even more beer is sitting. The store owner asks for ID and Pauly obliges with a card from his wallet. The owner says it has to be a photo ID. Pauly holds up his driver's license.

We see a lawn jockey sitting in someone's front yard. Judging by the toilet paper in the trees and cars jammed in a driveway, it's either Mischief Night or someone's having a party.  Of course, it's the latter. Inside the house is what appears to be the entire student body of a high school, drinking, making out on sofas, and carrying on. One guy is zoned out and watching MTV.

A boy goes into the kitchen to grab another beer from the cooler, but finds only ice and an empty can. Luckily for him, Pauly arrives just then with more. Pauly's friend assures him nobody's broken anything in the house yet. Pauly staggers off down the hall and high-fives Doug, who's sitting against a wall. 

Doug watches Pauly chug a beer and is impressed. He asks where all the beer came from. Pauly doesn't answer except to grab onto Doug and whisper, "I have to urinate." Doug pushes him away a little and says "Oh man," presumably because Pauly's breath reeks. The doorbell rings. Pauly shouts that the door is open. As he walks off, we can tell Doug's sitting with his legs stretched completely out and touching the opposite wall. Very tiny hallway.

Pauly opens the door to find 2 police officers on the doorstep: one with a Tom Selleck mustache and one who bears a striking resemblance to Christopher Walken. The cops check IDs; it seems everyone is 16 or 17. Officer Walken asks Pauly's character (Ryan) where he got the beer. Ryan claims it was just lying around the house. Officer Walken tells the guests that the party is over and takes Ryan into custody.

At the Chapel, Doug is running the guests' IDs through the computer. Cap'n Rufus asks if Doug's cover is still intact. "Hey, a Penhall cover comes with a lifetime guarantee," he says. Plus, given the events of the flight attendant episode, it's clear the big guy parties hard anyway.

Rufus predictably ignores Doug's joke. There's been a rash of fake IDs turning up that are all coming from the same shop. Tom expresses the opinion that 4 people on a fake ID case is excessive, which Cap'n Rufus
 doesn't appreciate. 

Rufus takes a phone call. A different phone rings and Doug picks up; it's a woman named Rhonda who wants to talk to Rufus. Tom jumps up to listen in. Doug tells Rhonda that Rufus is cute for an old man and that he's nice. Rufus glares at him as he gets off the other call. Doug hands over the phone. Rufus has a brief conversation with Rhonda and hangs up.

The captain asks Doug what he was thinking. Doug was just laying groundwork. Cap'n Rufus wants to know which bars are allowing kids to use fake IDs. Tom thinks they're being too hard on the kids. Rufus educates Tom on what it's like to knock on a door at 4 AM to tell parents their child died in a drunk driving accident. 

Cap'n Rufus 
hands Tom and Doug some driver's licenses. Doug says it's obvious they're fake. "Somebody wanna get that?" Rufus snaps as the phone rings yet again.

A bearded man in a peach polo shirt (Kirby) picks up a phone. We see Wheelchair Pusher standing in a phone booth. It sounds as if Kirby and Pusher know each other. Pusher tells Kirby something bad has happened. Kirby wants to know what, but Pusher hangs up.

Doug, Pauly, and some friends sit in the school cafeteria talking about Pauly's arrest. Doug must not be hungry today since all he's buying is a carton of chocolate milk. Pauly's parents weren't upset about having to pick him up from jail; they're just glad he wasn't doing drugs. The group joins Tom at a table. Tom gleefully shouts, "Chug-a-Doug!" Doug and Tom shout nonsense at each other and do a weird secret handshake. Ah, boys.

Doug is ecstatic that his old summer camp buddy has transferred to Central with him. He introduces Tom around: Brian (what is it with this show and that name?), Traci, and Kenny Ryan (played by Pauly Shore). Kenny seems to go by his last name, so for simplicity's sake, Pauly Shore's character will henceforth be known as Pauly.

Traci asks about Doug's nickname. Tom brags to the group about how many beers Doug chugged at Tom's nonexistent brother's graduation party. "But I had to give up the sport. Ya know, health reasons and all," says Doug. Tom shoots back, "Yeah, he almost dropped dead." Pauly wants to ditch school and go to a bar. Tom, Doug, Traci, and Brian get up and follow him.

At a bar called the Letterbox Saloon, Angelo the waiter asks for ID. He laughs at Doug and Tom's fake IDs. Pauly says they wouldn't fool Stevie Wonder. He suggests they go someplace where they won't get hassled. 

That place turns out to be the local cemetery. Doug's not a fan of the ambiance and I wouldn't be either. Of course, I never ditched class to drink...never ditched class at all except Senior Skip Day. Pauly asks if Doug has something against dead people. "Of course not, my grandparents are dead," Doug replies. They talk about random things, as people who've been drinking are wont to do. 

In a different part of the cemetery, Pusher sits on a headstone that reads "Johnathan Kelley 1971-1987." Pusher sets off down the hill and stumbles upon Pauly and company. "Yo, T.J.!" Pauly calls to him. 

Traci exposits that T.J.'s best friend died a couple of weeks ago. Pauly explains to T.J. that they're drinking in the cemetery because they got kicked out of The Letterbox; he says Doug and Tom tried to use library cards as ID. T.J. thinks someone should burn The Letterbox down and is angry that they're drinking in the cemetery. This is everyone's cue to exit.

At a party of some sort, there's a jazz band and a banner that says "Good luck, Morty". Cap'n Rufus and his date Rhonda enjoy some wine. Morty is a fellow captain who's leaving the force and this is his retirement party.

At a roadside sobriety checkpoint, the senior officer briefs his rookie partner on signs to look for that someone may be drunk. They're pulling over every 12th car, which happens to be Rufus and Rhonda's. The rookie approaches the window and asks if Cap'n Rufus has been drinking. Rufus says he's coming from dinner and admits to the wine.

The rookie instructs Rufus to step out of the car, but the captain doesn't immediately comply. "Step out of the car, sir," Rookie repeats. Rufus gets out and tells the rookie that he's a police captain. Rookie says that means Rufus is familiar with the field sobriety test. Rufus protests that he only had one drink, even though he initially told the rookie he didn't drink at all. Then he said he had 2 drinks. The rookie has to do a Breathalyzer on Rufus and Rufus's license will be revoked for a year if he doesn't comply.

"This is ridiculous!" Cap'n Rufus shouts. Rookie asks if Rufus is refusing the test. Rufus agrees to be Breathalyzed and blows into the machine. Rookie tells his partner that Rufus blew a .09, which is just over the legal limit. Rufus looks surprised by this news.

At police headquarters, Cap'n Rufus
 is being processed. He's indignant about getting arrested over a few glasses of wine. The officer says Rufus won't be put in the holding cell as a professional courtesy. Rufus will have to go to an Internal Affairs hearing. As he gets coffee from the vending machine, another captain (Briody) tells him that he doesn't look drunk.

Captain Briody is there to give Rufus a lift home. Rufus is upset about getting pulled over; other people at the retirement party had more to drink than he did. I'm no expert, but I'm fairly sure that 2 glasses of wine won't make you blow 0.09, so Rufus likely isn't being honest.

At the Chapel, Judy tells Doug she looked into T.J.'s friend Johnathan. A couple of months ago, the two were in a drunk driving accident and Johnathan's BAC was 2.4. "I'm surprised he could drive," says Doug. I'm more surprised that Johnny was still breathing after the crash. Johnny suffered paralysis from the neck down and severe brain damage; T.J. wasn't hurt at all.

Tom adds that T.J. took the wheelchair for a walk recently and Johnny somehow ended up in the river. T.J. tried to save his friend, but couldn't. Tom thinks The Letterbox is connected because it's known for serving underage kids. If they can prove the bar served Johnny and T.J. that night, they make be able to go after the bar's liquor license.

Cap'n Rufus walks into the loft and all activity stops. Word has already spread through the department grapevine about the DUI arrest. Rufus addresses the room by saying he was only arrested because of an overzealous rookie: "I had a couple of glasses of wine; I wasn't drinking." What? How is that not drinking? Never mind.

Doug tells Rufus that their fake IDs didn't work. Rufus knew they wouldn't; he wants them to talk to Pauly about getting one from his supplier. Judy thinks Rufus is being pretty defensive. No kidding. Tom argues that having a few at a "boredom banquet" doesn't make you a drunk.

At Coastal Psychiatric Hospital & Mental Health Services, a nurse who looks like Jennifer Grey comes into the waiting room, saying they're ready for T.J. Caldwell. T.J. is there, but doesn't get up from the couch.

A driver's license outline is set up in front of a photography screen. Listed on the card are the address, height, weight, and 1964 birthdate of a Douglas Eastwood. Doug pops into view and grins for the camera. He blinks from being temporarily blinded by the flash.

Tom grumpily asks how long they have to wait. The photographer says 10 minutes unless the boys just want to take home the negatives. "Don't mind him." says Doug, "He gets a little cranky when he doesn't nap." The fakes will cost $100. The photographer warns them that the licenses are for amusement only.

At the Letterbox, Tom and Doug present their new IDs to waiter Angelo. They pass muster and Angelo asks them to name their poison. Brian orders a pitcher of beer. Traci is with them because she makes a good barometer; if Brian or Pauly start to hit on her, they know they're too drunk. That's cold. Traci isn't that bad-looking. T.J. comes into the bar, lights a cigarette, and stands by the jukebox.

Doug blows into Tom's ear to get his attention and dips his head in T.J.'s direction. Tom follows T.J. up to the bar, where T.J. is ordering a club soda. Tom apologizes for them drinking in the cemetery and says he heard about Johnny. T.J. gets snotty with Tom and says he can't begin to understand what losing Johnny is like. He asks if Tom ever knew anyone who died. Yeah, I think everyone does.

Internal Affairs visits Rufus's office. IA points out that the Breathalyzer reading is high for 2 glasses of wine. Rufus insists it was calibrated wrong. He admits he wasn't counting his drinks, though. IA asks how he can be sure it was only 2. Cap'n Rufus insists he's not a heavy drinker. IA warns that he's in serious trouble.

At a suburban home, T.J. is on his bedroom phone talking to Kirby again, who's now in a gray cardigan. T.J. says he doesn't know if he can wait to get over what's bothering him. Kirby says, "This is kind of a bogus way out," tipping off the audience that T.J. is a calling a suicide/crisis hotline. Kirby asks about T.J.'s friend. "He's dead," T.J. says before hanging up.

Cap'n Rufus talks to a lawyer who seems to specialize in DUI cases. After work, Rhonda and Rufus go for a walk. He wishes he could do last night over and take a different route home to avoid the roadblock. Nice. Rhonda thinks they should've sat through the speeches so the Breathalyzer reading would've been lower. Rufus asks if Rhonda thinks having any alcohol at all before driving should be a crime. She says that may be a good idea. He goes off on her, saying it's ridiculous.

I think Rhonda's right. Not about criminalizing it, but about not drinking at all if you plan to drive. Personally, I never have more than 1 or 2 drinks but I also never get behind the wheel afterward. Rhonda says her plan not only eliminates the risk of being arrested, but Rufus could've spent the night with her. "Woman's got a point," Rufus acknowledges.

Harry and Judy are at the Alcohol Beverage Control office. They're told it'll be at least 6 months before the Letterbox can be investigated for selling alcohol to minors. The worker explains he has 162 other pending cases of that. Plus there's new fake IDs that are so good, it's hard to tell they're fake. Harry says Jump Street knows who's making the fakes.

The worker tells him about a decoy his office has; the girl looks 14 and her fake ID has gotten her served at 18 out of 21 local bars. Harry asks if the Letterbox can be shut down. The worker says it's just a misdemeanor and the most the owner can get is a fine.

At the Letterbox, Doug and Tom talk at a table, munching on bar pretzels. Tom doesn't think they can get Brian or Traci to help with the investigation because they like the atmosphere too much and they can't connect the bar to the accident.  T.J. staggers in and gets what looks like a shot of whiskey at the bar. Tom offers a ride home.

Doug asks Traci why she hangs out with the guys. It turns out she's "kind of involved" with Brian. If only she'd heard that crack he made about her looks. Tom goes over to the table where Doug and Traci are playing Lincoln Logs with the pretzel sticks. He tells Doug he's giving T.J. a ride home, but T.J. is gone when he looks up.

Tom goes outside to see T.J. driving away. He gets in his Mustang to chase him, popping his Starsky and Hutch issue gumdrop light onto the roof. He honks and yells for T.J. to pull over. T.J. swerves and very nearly causes an accident. He sideswipes 2 parked cars before hitting a tree. Tom goes up to the window. T.J.'s lip and one eyebrow are split but he's otherwise okay. Tom announces that he's a cop.

At the Chapel, Tom stands in the holding cell with T.J. while the teen throws up into the toilet. When he's able to stop, he takes a seat on the cot. Tom wants T.J. to testify that the Letterbox served T.J. and Johnny alcohol on the night of their car accident. T.J. shakes his head. Mr. Caldwell arrives to take T.J. home. They sit down in front of Tom's desk.

Tom explains what T.J. did on their chase. Mr. Caldwell says they should go easy because it's been a rough few months for T.J. Tom says that's no excuse and thinks T.J. has a drinking problem. He gives T.J. his card. 

Judy and Harry go to the photography studio to get fake IDs made. The photographer repeats that the fakes are for amusement only. Judy and Harry flash their badges and police IDs. "Nice job!" the photographer exclaims, "Who'd you go to?" Judy tells him he's under arrest. 

At the Internal Affairs hearing, Cap'n Rufus
's lawyer asks the rookie if Rufus looked drunk when he was arrested. Seeming drunk and being drunk are 2 different things, but I digress. The rookie says Rufus was overly friendly. 

T.J. goes to visit Johnny's grave. He pulls a revolver out of his leather jacket and holds the barrel under his chin.

Tom's phone rings and he promises the caller he'll be right down. He finds T.J. sitting on the jungle gym at the playground. T.J. hands the gun over. He's suicidal because he was driving the night of the accident. T.J. says he wasn't as drunk as Johnny, so he promised to get him home safe. He admits to pushing Johnny's wheelchair into the river as a mercy killing. 

At the Chapel, the guys sit around the table eating pizza. T.J. is facing manslaughter charges. Cap'n Rufus tells the team that IA let him off on the DUI. Doug grins and congratulates his boss. Rufus says not to congratulate him and that he'll think twice before he does something like that again.

End of episode. This is another one I had problems with. Everyone on the Jump Street team was far too forgiving of Cap'n Rufus. Did they all forget that their former boss Jenko was killed by a drunk driver? They all seemed pretty attached to Jenko when he was there. 

Case #2.03: "Besieged (Part 2)"

Peter DeLuise's voice prefaces the "Last week on 21 Jump Street" montage. After the theme song, we join Fuller and Doug in the office of Lieutenant Greaves. Greaves is reluctant to investigate an 18-year department veteran "on some rookie's hunch." He wants more evidence. "What do you want? Snapshots?" asks Doug.

Greaves says the plainclothes cops had a different version of events. He thinks Doug couldn't have seen anything but a falling body given his position. 

Outside, Doug angrily slams his fists down on the trunk of a parked cruiser. He yells that they never stood a chance. Fuller says Doug will get special treatment himself if he stays on the job long enough. Doug doesn't think that's right. He doesn't want to get back in the car with Addabo after going to Internal Affairs. 

Tom partners with Addabo instead. He doesn't want Tom around if Tom doesn't want to ride with him. He knows why Doug isn't there and thinks Doug is paranoid and childish. Tom agrees that Doug is strange. "Between you and me," he adds, "I thought he'd wash out." It's always so nice to talk about your best friend behind their back. Tom spots Darlene standing on a corner, presumably working as a crack whore.

In the alley, the place where the body fell has been outlined in chalk. Fuller talks to the homicide detective assigned to the case. He thinks Doug froze up when he heard the shots. There's no evidence to suggest the kid was pushed.

In Cap'n Rufus's office, Doug asks if his boss believes him now. Rufus says there's a difference between thinking Doug is wrong and not believing him. Doug says he told Rufus everything he saw and heard, punching the file cabinet a couple of times for emphasis. At this rate, Doug's gonna have a broken arm by the episode's 20-minute mark. Doug announces that he's clocking out.

He walks over to Tom's desk to see if he has dirt on Addabo yet. It's only been half a day, so the answer is no. Tom thinks Addabo is a good cop, which doesn't improve Doug's mood. Harry shows Tom a death benefits check he got in the mail; apparently the paperwork snafu resulted in the department thinking he's dead.

At an apartment, Judy and Doug sit in the living room. There's a painting of flowers hanging on the wall. Between that and the leather furniture, we can tell it's not Casa de Penhall. 
Judy's choked up because she hasn't found Darlene and feels like she should've done more to help her. She continues in this vein as she paces. "Now she's a junkie, Doug," she sobs. Actually, she was a junkie when you met....and long before that.

Judy starts to cry even harder. Doug gets up off the couch and hugs her. Darlene being a junkie isn't fair because she's young and has a daughter. "Doug," she says at last, "didn't you come over here to complain?" 

Judy wipes her eyes, takes his hand, and leads him back to the couch. He says he doesn't wanna complain anymore, probably to avoid the potential of seeing her get upset again. Judy threatens to wipe her nose on his shirt if he doesn't talk.

Doug chuckles at this. He tells Judy it bothers him that no one believes him. She knows that's not all. Doug explains that he really looked up to Addabo and now it's looking like he's a murderer. Tom, Rufus, and Internal Affairs all think he's crazy.

"Maybe I am crazy," Doug says. Judy counters with the classic psychology question: "Do you think you're crazy?" Doug doesn't. He asks if Judy thinks he's crazy. She smiles and says, "That doesn't matter." 

They stare into each other's eyes for a few moments. Doug leans over and kisses Judy on the mouth. Whoa! I did not see that coming! And I'm not being sarcastic either.

Judy asks why he kissed her. Doug thought he needed to. When she has no response to that, he apologizes. Judy assures him it was okay. They kiss again. "I can't believe I'm kissing Doug Penhall," she says with a shy smile. Doug grins back. They start making out.

The next morning, Doug walks into work wearing a Hawaiian shirt worthy of Magnum P.I. and seems to be in a daze. Tom asks his partner if he's okay: "I called you half the night and you weren't home." He thinks Doug was with a woman and begins mocking Doug: "Hi, I'm Doug Penhall," he says in a pathetic voice. "I'm so depressed. Won't you take me to bed and cheer me up?"

Judy happens to walk in right as Tom's saying that. Surprisingly, Doug doesn't knock Tom on his ass...doesn't react at all, for that matter. He lies that he went home, fell asleep, and didn't hear the phone. Tom is meeting with Addabo soon. Doug tells him to be careful because he knows Addabo killed the kid.

Doug brings a cup of coffee to Judy. She brushes him off. He wants to talk. She wants to make sure the conversation stays private, so they head to the Chapel's basement. Doug tells Judy that he didn't plan for last night to happen. The ensuing "Oh my God, we made out" discussion is interesting enough to be recapped in full:

Judy: Come on, Penhall! Mr. White Knight arrives to console me. Next thing you know, I'm in his arms and then--Look, I feel like I got taken advantage of here, Doug. 

Doug: Hey, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. I'm the one who came over to be consoled. I'm the one whose friend is driving around with a murderer. I'm the one who everybody thinks is crazy. I thought maybe you were a sympathetic ear.
Judy: Oh, so you're trying to tell me that you didn't plan on getting me in the sack when you came over last night. 
Doug: No.
Judy: Then why did you have those things with you?
Doug: Things with me?
Judy: You had condoms in your wallet, Doug.
Doug: I always have condoms in my wallet.
Judy: Yeah?
Doug: Yeah. Like when you go for a drive, ya bring a spare with you in case ya get a flat.
Judy: That's just great! Judy Hoffs, road hazard.
Doug: Kinda.

Judy starts to storm out of the basement. Doug asks her to dinner. She says no way because last night was a mistake. Doug says, "I don't wanna walk into work and have you hate me because you think I tried to take advantage of you, okay?" Judy admits that they were "both equally stupid" but she still won't go out with him. 

Judy threatens to make Doug's life miserable if anyone finds out that he spent the night at her apartment. Doug doesn't understand why she's so upset. "You chickened out at the...last minute," he says, "We didn't do anything." Judy lets him know they never will. Ah, the perils of office romance.

The plainclothes cops wander around the park on Crack Row. Doug does too. The three meet up and Doug asks what happened on the roof. Plainclothes say that what happened is exactly what's in their report; everything was over when they got to Addabo.

Tom and Addabo walk the beat. A BMW makes an illegal U-turn and pulls up beside them, Ronnie behind the wheel. He brags that he makes Tom's yearly salary in a month. 

Cap'n Rufus goes to visit Lieutenant Greaves. He wants to see Addabo's personnel file. Greaves can't pull that himself without a reason. 

In yet another alley, Tom watches as Addabo roughs up another dealer. The dealer says he tossed the drugs. Addabo threatens him with death if he's lying and snaps at Tom to get in the car. As they speed down the street, Addabo says he thinks the dealer swallowed the crack. They have to get the guy to the hospital so his stomach can be pumped.

Addabo and Tom get lunch from a sandwich truck. The dealer swallowed 6 rocks, but the doctors were able to save him. Over chili dogs, Addabo tells Tom about a raid where a kid went into convulsions. He did CPR until the paramedics came and the guy died en route to the hospital. The coroner found bruises on the kid's heart and said outside forces contributed to his death. Addabo claims the bruises were caused by 15 minutes of CPR. The kid's family still filed a $5 million lawsuit against the city.

When Tom returns to the Chapel, he joins Doug in Cap'
n Rufus's office. Addabo is suspected of beating someone they pulled out of a crack house to death. Tom tells Rufus what Addabo said about doing with CPR. Doug thinks it's suspicious for Addabo to bring it up when they think he killed someone.

Tom points out that Doug isn't exactly a Boy Scout as far as the department is concerned. "Except I haven't killed anybody lately," says Doug and walks out. Tom doesn't know what to think about Addabo, but he doesn't strike him as a murderer. He thinks Ozzie was killed by Ronnie.

In the locker room, Tom lets Doug know that he trusts his partner's instincts. He still thinks Addabo is a good cop. Doug mutters that everyone's turning against him. He starts to open his locker, but Tom reaches out to slam it shut. Doug goes back downstairs.

On Crack Row, Darlene tearfully asks Ronnie for a loan; he owes her. She remembers when Ronnie flirted with her and asks for $20. She offers to have sex with him. Ronnie isn't attracted to her anymore because she's beat up from living on the street. He drives away. Tom witnesses the whole thing.

Blowfish arrives to clean the squadroom and Tom is still at his desk. Blowfish tells Tom he should go home; the kid can't work all the time. Tom invites Blowfish to get a drink with him.

Tom parks his Mustang on Crack Row. Blowfish doesn't even ask what they're doing in that neighborhood. Ronnie's Beemer is nearby with Voltron the bulldog sitting in the passenger seat; Ronnie is nowhere to be found. 

Tom and Blowfish go into a bar. Ronnie is inside playing pool. Tom acts like they're just in the neighborhood and he wants to see how Ronnie is. Ronnie thinks Tom must have a death wish to keep coming after him. He spits his gum on Tom's shoes. Tom lays him on top of the pool table, gun in hand. Ronnie's associate holds a gun to Blowfish's head. 

Inexplicably, Ronnie tells his partner to let Blowfish go. Tom won't be able to do anything because witnesses saw Tom throw the first punch. He and Blowfish leave. What exactly was the point of going down there again?

Doug walks down a hallway and knocks on a door. He's channeling Miami Vice with his sportcoat and robin's egg blue shirt. Judy opens the door. Doug doesn't want to compromise their working relationship, which is what'll happen if they don't talk about this like adults. Judy lets him in.

Tom, Harry, and Blowfish sit in a different bar. Blowfish is understandably upset about almost being killed. Tom is even more sure that Ronnie killed Ozzie. He asks where Doug is. "He's got some hot date again," says Blowfish.

Doug and Judy sit in her living room, her on the couch and him in the chair. He wants to let bygones be bygones so they don't have to keep apologizing to each other. Judy agrees and says he can join her on the couch. "I won't bite," she promises. When he sits next to her, Judy says, "Who woulda thought you'd turn out to be such a nice guy?" "Don't tell nobody," he says, "or I'll tell 'em all that you snore." They slept in the same bed? The plot thickens. 

On patrol the next morning, Addabo tells Tom he was stupid for going to the pool hall. He needs more evidence to make a murder charge stick to Ronnie. Addabo makes the tired argument that no one cares about the residents of Crack Row because they're black. He gets angry when Tom disagrees.

Judy pays Darlene a visit. She's living in the projects again. Judy turns on the light and sees Darlene has been beaten up. A customer hit her because he wasn't satisfied with her services. Judy warns her that this lifestyle will lead to her demise. Darlene says she doesn't want to do drugs anymore. She cries and tells Judy she's bad at being a prostitute.

Doug rides his motorcycle to a Crack Row alley. One of the plainclothes detectives emerges from the shadows. He's not so sure the rookie is wrong about Addabo. He tells Doug about the kid who OD'ed at the crackhouse last year. Addabo hit the boy with his fists and nightstick because he couldn't find drugs on him. He did CPR when the kid went into convulsions.

Tom stops to visit Ronnie in jail. He's just been bailed out. Ronnie tells Tom that he didn't kill Ozzie. Tom's suspicions made people scared of Ronnie, which the kid thanks Tom for. A bad-ass street rep is good for business.

Cap'n Rufus talks to Doug in his office. 2 shots were fired on the roof. The rounds matched Addabo's gun and so did the bullets found in Ozzie. Addabo is now wanted for questioning. 

We see Addabo in a motel room going through his awards from the police department. At the Chapel, Doug answers his phone and it's Addabo. He won't tell Doug where he is. 

The audio of Addabo's confession plays over a montage. Police cars surround the motel. Tom walks out of a room. Doug sits on the hood of a cruiser and brushes a tear from his eye. Addabo has committed suicide.

Judy takes Darlene to a rehab center. Darlene has been accepted to a drug treatment program, but there won't be an opening for 4 months. Fade out on Darlene's hopeless expression. End of episode.

Case #2.02: "Besieged (Part 1)"

A hot red convertible that's probably got more passengers inside than it was designed for pulls into a school's back parking lot. Its occupants are puzzled by a large crowd of students huddling against a barricade of yellow crime scene tape. Uniforms mill around while a detective takes pictures. A male student is slumped against the steering wheel of his white convertible, clearly dead. 

"Guess he's gonna be late for class," snarks a uniformed cop who must have taken crime scene sensitivity training from Horatio Caine. 

At the Chapel, Harry reads a letter aloud. Apparently, the pension office has no record of him being employed by the police department or any other municipal agency. His pay is being withheld until they can confirm he does, in fact, work there.

"You don't exist?" Doug asks. 
Harry gripes that he'll disappear in 2 weeks at this rate. "Did you hear something?" Doug asks Tom. Tom says no. Harry protests, "This isn't funny!"

Cap'n Rufus
 briefs the crew on the murder. A boy named Ozzie was shot 6 times in the chest at Piedmont High; he was found in his Mercedes. Sergeant Addabo, the insensitive uniform from earlier, chimes in that the kid paid for the car in cash. The victim was dealing crack. 

Addabo is knowledgeable about the drug and will be assisting the team. He says most cops think it's community service for one drug dealer to kill another in that neighborhood. Ozzie rented an apartment in the projects, which he shared with his girlfriend. Judy's job is to find out who Ozzie's enemies were. Tom is going undercover at Piedmont; Addabo thinks Ozzie's runner Ronnie may have killed Ozzie. Doug will be back in uniform, riding with Addabo. Harry can't be assigned anywhere because he doesn't exist.

Doug comes out of a store and struggles to figure out how to open the cruiser's door while balancing 2 Styrofoam cups of coffee. He stacks the cups on top of each other and inexplicably decides taking his nightstick off his belt and holding it in his teeth will help. He's still wearing his studded watch.

When he gets in the car, Addabo reminds him that the summer uniform has short sleeves. Doug says this is the only uniform he has. Addabo gives Doug a narcotics history lesson as he drives down Crack Row. 

At Piedmont High, some boys in expensive track suits lounge on a car, arguing the superiority of the BMW vs the Mercedes Benz. Tom is also wearing a track suit, wife beater, and a few gold chains; his hair is slicked back and there's also a weird rattail braid off to the side. What is this, Donnie BrascoWe learn that the white boy in the red track suit is Ronnie, the late Ozzie's business partner. 

Judy knocks on Ozzie's apartment door, which is opened by his girlfriend Darlene. Judy takes note of all the stereo equipment, expensive furniture, and alcohol in the apartment. A girl who's about 3-4 years old appears, carrying a stuffed cat. She asks who Judy is. Darlene says that Judy is a police officer and tells the kid to go to her room.

Darlene explains that Kaylee isn't Ozzie's daughter. Judy hands her an envelope full of Ozzie's jewelry. Darlene claims she doesn't know who would've killed Ozzie and asks of Judy will go with her to Ozzie's funeral.

Back at Piedmont, beepers are going off in the hallway between classes. A teacher reminds the boys that beepers aren't allowed in school. Ronnie basically dares the teacher to try to take the beeper from him. 

Tom and Ronnie go down a deserted hallway for a private chat; Ronnie pulls a gun, sticking the barrel under Tom's chin. Tom says he just wants to work for Ronnie. Ronnie puts the gun away, warning Tom he could get killed dealing crack. Well, he almost got shot in the hallway, so what's the difference? Ronnie tells Tom to meet him after school at Crenshaw's Funeral Parlor. 

Tom gives Ronnie some life advice: Take the safety off the gun the next time he threatens somebody with it. Ronnie says the safety's never worked, leaving Tom to ponder exactly how close he came to death.

On Crack Row, Addabo points out a dealer to Doug. The guy sells bunk when he doesn't have real crack. Bunk could be anything from granite chips to macadamia nuts. Doug sounds surprised that nuts could be mistaken for crack and is no doubt planning an office prank with this new knowledge.

He and Addabo walk down an alley toward the building where the dealer is hanging out in the doorway. Addabo is gonna call some plainclothes detectives to come make a buy. Doug squeezes through the fence in case the dealer tries to run out the back door. He's not worried about his ability to handle a kid. I guess he's never heard of "crack strength."

Suddenly, he hears the words "You're under arrest" through the door and sees the dealer jump out the window. He vaults a railing, landing on a parked car below. Doug follows him. The kid scrambles up the fence and down the other side. Doug starts climbing, but the fence can't support both their weight and falls over. 

Crack strength or not, there's no way the guy can get up and run now. He's got the fence, plus Doug, on top of him. "You're busted!" Doug cries gleefully. Addabo and the plainclothes come outside, see Doug sitting on the kid, and have a good laugh. 

Judy and Darlene arrive at Crenshaw's Funeral Parlor. The latter is wearing a short black strapless dress that would probably more at home at a high school prom. Darlene is oddly composed and seems to be enjoying herself. Bizarre for someone who's attending their boyfriend's funeral. She even openly flirts with a guy while she's standing in front of Ozzie's casket.

Darlene asks Judy if she can have Ozzie's Mercedes; they were together almost long enough to qualify as common-law husband and wife. Judy says the IRS seized the car. Darlene wants to know if there's a paid informant program, but immediately tells Judy to forget she asked.

Randall, the black boy in the blue track suit from earlier, sees Darlene and expresses interest in her. Ronnie tells him to keep dreaming. Too many "R" names in this episode! Tom appears. Ronnie says he might have a job for Tom.

The errand turns out to be walking Ronnie's bulldog, Voltron, and picking up a bag of dog food. Turns out the dog food's already been opened and there's a baggie of crack hidden in the kibble. Ronnie explains that the cops would never be suspicious of a dog walker.

According to Ronnie's calculations, he should make $4,000 from selling the crack. He mocks Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" program. Ronnie wants the simple things in life: new clothes, a new car, and a good-looking girlfriend. He can probably get all but the last one. Ronnie shoves the bag of crack down the front of his pants, opens a cabinet, and hands Tom a pistol. 
Tom admires the gun and how Ronnie keeps it clean. Ronnie says he rarely has to use it because people know he's a "businessman."

Back at the Chapel, Tom expresses his doubts that Ronnie killed Ozzie; the gun is probably just for show. He thinks Ronnie could quit dealing if he wanted to. Doug thinks he's headed for jail, just like the dealer who was selling bunk. Judy makes a crack about Doug being "the voice of the streets."

Cap'n Rufus heads off the bickering by pointing out that there's a lot of sides to the crack problem; it takes seeing more than one to start fixing it. He sees Doug pulling at his tie and adds, "I didn't put you back in that uniform just to see if you gained weight since the academy." Doug looks down and self-consciously rubs at his stomach.

Harry arrives and notices Tom's suit and silk shirt. "Those are my clothes from my locker," he says. Doug jokes how there used to be a Jump Street cop with shirts just like that, but the guy mysteriously disappeared. Tom says he'll have the shirt dry-cleaned if the cop ever comes back. Doug says the Chapel is now haunted by the cop's ghost. 

Judy thinks she's getting somewhere with Darlene. We see Darlene smoking crack in her apartment. She hastily hides the crack pipe when she hears someone knocking. It's Judy. Darlene lets her in and tries to act like she isn't high. She asks again about becoming a paid informant.

Judy notices that the stereo is missing and Kaylee isn't home. Darlene starts crying. Her mom took Kaylee away from her. Judy finds the crack pipe, but Darlene swears she isn't a junkie. She offers to get Darlene clean and asks who killed Ozzie. Darlene doesn't know. She begs a third time for the informant money.

Judy can't do that without information. She asks who sold Darlene the drugs. Darlene says, "Pick any corner around here." Judy tells Darlene she can't help her. She gives Darlene her business card in case she has useful information or wants to quit using crack; otherwise, Judy "doesn't have time to waste on a junkie whore." Uncharacteristically harsh for her.

Doug chases someone across into an alley. Addabo chases the man from the opposite end. Doug slams the guy up against a wall. Addabo demands the drugs. The dealer protests that Doug chased him for no reason, but pulls a bag of crack out of his shirt pocket. He slams the drugs into Addabo's hand.

Doug frisks the dealer and they load him into the back of the cruiser. Doug expresses his frustration that rousting the dealers doesn't work; they end up back on the street within an hour. Addabo is just satisfied with confiscating the 60 rocks the dealer was carrying. 

After work, Doug and Addabo go out for beers. Doug says he was taught to be a cop by the book. What they're doing together wasn't covered in the academy, but it worked out better. Addabo is glad to hear it. 

Darlene gives Judy a tour of her new place, a fancy high-rise apartment, bragging about the sauna and whirlpool. It's apparently Randy's apartment. She doesn't care who killed Ozzie. Darlene's mother still has Kaylee. Judy hopes Darlene's mom keeps the little girl permanently; it's better than living with a junkie who doesn't care who killed her last boyfriend/sugar daddy.

Ronnie and Tom talk on Ronnie's roof. Tom wants to buy an ounce from Ronnie to sell to someone. He pays for the drugs and Ronnie hands them over. Tom asks for the umpteenth time this episode who killed Ozzie; he doesn't want to cross the wrong person.

Ronnie says he's the only person Tom has to worry about crossing. If Ronnie did know, he still wouldn't tell anyway. Tom shows off his .38 Special revolver...and his badge. That's a really good way to get shot. Ronnie thinks it's hysterical that Tom is really a cop. Tom brings out the cuffs and promises to cut Ronnie loose in exchange for information on Ozzie's murder. Ronnie is unmoved by the offer since he's a first-time offender. 

"Doin' time is part of doin' business," Ronnie adds. Tom says Ronnie could get out of the neighborhood by getting a real job. "We don't have Career Day in the Piedmont," snots Ronnie. God, he is obnoxious. 

Back on the beat, the plainclothes cops are complaining about the budget the department gives them to fight the crack epidemic. One says, "It must be nice to be the mayor's pet project." Doug looks uncomfortable. The plainclothes start an argument with Doug, which is broken up by Addabo. 

On a different street, Doug spots the dealer he chased over the fence. It looks like he's selling real drugs today. Doug is upset that the guy is out of jail already. Addabo is sure there's a court date in the dealer's future. 

Addabo drives the cruiser up onto the sidewalk. The startled dealer runs right into Doug's waiting arms. Addabo shoves Eddie the dealer into a nearby doorway, requesting $500. Doug backs out of the situation, unable to believe what he's seeing. Eddie gives up the cash.

In the car, Doug confronts his new partner about the shakedown. Addabo says it's not a shakedown if he returns the money. Eddie will get it back after they take down bigger dealers and a crackhouse. Doug still doesn't like it, but reluctantly agrees to go along on the busts.

Addabo and Doug back up the plainclothes cops they argued with earlier in the day. When the detectives yell "Police!", dealers sprint out of the seedy apartment. The cops all run in different directions after them. Doug nearly loses his footing as he barrels down the stairs; Addabo scales the fire escape, followed by the plainclothes.

Doug catches up to his suspect and tackles him onto the hood of the police car. He hears Addabo yelling "Freeze!" from the building's roof and then a couple of gunshots. Next thing Doug knows, the other suspect is falling from the roof; it doesn't look like he's been shot. He lands hard on the pavement.

Doug looks up. He sees Addabo and the plainclothes detectives standing at the edge of the roof looking down at the body. Once the three are back on the ground, they're worried about getting in trouble. Doug says they can't get in trouble for someone slipping off the roof. Internal Affairs will get curious about the money on "Mr. Pancake," however. 

Addabo lays out the story for the others. The money was Addabo's and he loaned it to the dealer. The plainclothes agree to toe the party line. Doug's Catholic guilt won't allow him to lie to the investigators, although he does agree to tell Internal Affairs the cover story.

In Rufus's office, Doug tells the captain that Addabo used his own money because it was an important bust. He can't look his boss in the eye. Cap'n Rufus watches him leave. 

Judy can't believe the mountain of paperwork Harry has to fill out to prove that he exists. He tells Judy that Randy was busted that afternoon so Darlene is no longer at the apartment. Judy sets out to find Darlene. She's sitting on a bench in the park on Crack Row. Judy offers to get Darlene to a shelter but she says no.

Ronnie is in a parking garage trying to make another deal. It's not going well. He tells the other party to pay for the drugs or give them back. Ronnie shoots his would-be client, reclaims the drugs, and drives off in the client's car.

Doug drives Addabo through Crack Row. The two of them drink coffee and munch doughnuts. The younger cop finally got his hands on a summer uniform shirt. He says he told Fuller the story and didn't lose sleep over it. Now they just have to get $500 to give to Eddie.

Addabo wonders aloud how the dealer managed to slip off the roof while wearing expensive sneakers. He says it again and gives Doug a meaningful look. Doug is now visibly nervous. 

Doug shoulders his way through the Chapel squadroom and barges into Cap'n Rufus's office. He admits to lying and tells him about the shakedown. Rufus isn't pleased. Doug expresses his suspicion that Addabo threw the kid off the roof. Rufus blinks, trying to process all this. "Shut the door." he says.

"TO BE CONTINUED" flashes on the screen. 

Case #2.01: "In the Custody of a Clown"

This episode will be a tough one for me to watch. I have coulrophobia, or in layman's terms, clowns freak the hell out of me. I marched in my town's Christmas parade last year and hid behind one of my guy friends to avoid being seen by Ronald McDonald. I'm 22 years old and a trained medical professional, but I can't stand clowns. I don't even know what made me scared of them in the first place.

Anyway, the first scene shows kids hanging out in front of Lafayette High School. Two boys snatch a blue backpack from a boy who looks about 4 years too young for high school. Is this another case of a bullied boy genius like T.J. Henderson on Smart Guy?

The bullies play keep-away with the backpack while the young-looking boy charges each of them in turn. He chases them down the stairs. Across the street from the school sits a black sedan; its driver wears a truly horrifying clown mask. 

One of the bullies starts to wrestle with the younger boy while other students cheer. The bully stops fighting him, then tosses the kid's backpack over the school fence. He asks how Blue Backpack ever made it to 9th grade and condescendingly pats his cheek.

The clown behind the wheel of the sedan revs the engine as the kid goes to retrieve his backpack. He drives onto the sidewalk and gets out of the car. Blue Backpack screams for help and tries to run away. The guy in the clown mask grabs him and drags him into the sedan's trunk. The bullies see the kidnapping and...try to run to their former victim's aid? The sedan speeds away.

At the Chapel, we see Doug's mullet is longer and more feathery than last season. He and Tom walk into Cap'n Rufus's office. Spencer Phillips, the FBI agent from "Low and Away", is back. The kidnapped boy's name is Brian Sheffield and this may be a case of parental abduction; the kid's divorced parents have a history of breaking their custody agreement.

Jump Street's job is to establish the nature of the crime so the FBI can get involved if necessary. Tom and Doug aren't happy about doing the FBI's legwork just to have to turn the case over. Fuller hopes a parental abduction is all it is.

Tom interviews Brian's mom. She says Brian's never run away before and thinks her ex kidnapped Brian because it's happened in the past. 

Brian's dad is questioned by Harry. He says the past kidnapping was bogus. All he did was take Brian with him on a business trip to Dallas; his ex-wife overreacted and hired a PI to find him. Harry points out the custody agreement doesn't allow Brian's dad to take him out of state.

Doug talks to witnesses during gym class at Lafayette. Two identify the car as a "dark blue '70 Lincoln something." Nobody thinks the kidnapper was old because of how fast he moved. One witness reveals that the kidnapper wore a clown mask. 

Brian's mom wants her husband arrested for kidnapping due to photos she has of Brian and his dad in Dallas. Tom says they can't use those pictures to arrest the ex-husband for allegedly taking Brian from school. 

Brian's dad claims not to have seen Brian in months and doesn't know anything about photos of them in Texas. He says his ex needs to let Brian get out in the world and have fun. 

Brian's mom says his dad is irresponsible and lets Brian drive even though he's not old enough for a license. Tom asks if Brian's seemed anxious recently. Montage of responses: Mom says yes, Dad says no.

Back in the Lafayette gym, Doug asks what Brian was doing before he was abducted. One boy admits to teasing Brian, but is adamant it's not his fault "some perv" snatched him up.

Return to Sheffield edition of Family Feud. Mom says Dad tried to get everything in the divorce settlement. Dad says Mom was the greedy one.

In gym, the boy tells Doug that Brian had a few pairs of jeans and cassette tapes in his backpack. How does he know? We never saw him open the bag. 

Mom reports to Tom that Brian's toothbrush is missing. She begs Tom to find her son and bring him back. She says he hates his father. Dad argues that Brian hates his mom.

At Judy's apartment, she gives her waiting mother a hug and asks where her dad is. Mrs. Hoffs says Judy's dad couldn't make it. She wants to take her daughter out to dinner with her brand new credit card. Judy, ever the liberated woman, says it's important for women to have their own line of credit and is glad her mom has a card now. 

Mrs. Hoffs gripes that Judy's dad, Dr. Hoffs, is intolerant and resistant to change. Judy asks if everything is okay with their marriage. Mrs. Hoffs tells Judy that she and Dr. Hoffs are now separated. Judy looks stunned.

At the Chapel, the detectives bemoan their lack of solid leads. Brian doesn't seem to be in Dallas according to the Dallas PD. Doug hands a phone to Cap'n Rufus as another tip comes in. The janitor at Lafayette found a ransom tape.

Cap'n Rufus and Phillips play the tape for Brian's mother and father. Brian tearfully says his captors won't let him sleep and are barely feeding him. The kidnappers want $75,000 in cash in 24 hours. He tells them not to call the police or he'll be killed.

Brian's mom wants to know where they're going to find $75,000. Dad says they'll have to mortgage Mom's house. She demands who'll make the payments on it. Phillips says the FBI will handle getting together the ransom. Cap'n Rufus doesn't want to pay until they know Brian is still alive. Phillips tells Rufus it's not his call. Brian's parents argue some more.

Cap'n Rufus sighs as they leave the house. I'm only recounting what the Sheffields are saying and it's tiring. Rufus will have someone find out where the tape was bought. Phillips want him to turn over the case because the FBI can assume Bryan's been taken across state lines. 

At a state park or campground of some sort, the kidnapper's black sedan pulls up to the guard shack. The park ranger asks the driver (now sans clown mask) how long he'll be staying. And holy hell, the driver is the same actor who played Charlie, Tom's old partner! Wonder how the writers are gonna explain this particular coincidence. 

Grandpa Charlie, as he will henceforth be known, says he'll only be there a night or two depending on the fishing. The ranger checks Grandpa Charlie's driver's license and fishing permit. While getting the paperwork, the clown mask falls out of the glovebox. The ranger either doesn't notice the mask or is unaware of the kidnapping case.

The ranger remarks that there's a lot of camping equipment for such a short stay. He walks to the back of the car and notes the lack of license plate. Grandpa Charlie produces it from the passenger seat and explains that it keeps falling off. The ranger tells Grandpa Charlie the rate for camping and assigns him to Space G.

Grandpa Charlie parks at the campsite and looks nervously around before popping the trunk. He pulls a blanket off Brian and helps him out of the trunk. Brian smiles and cries, "We did it, Grandpa!" Grandpa Charlie says it's time to go fishing.

That night at the campsite, Brian records another ransom tape. I've never heard a calmer kidnap victim in my life. Grandpa Charlie shows Brian a picture of some property he bought, where they're planning to build a bait and tackle shop. If Brian helps build the store after school and on weekends, it'll be done by next year.

Next year isn't good enough for Brian. He wants to hire contractors. They'll just up the ransom to pay for it. Grandpa Charlie objects. Brian reluctantly agrees with his grandpa. He still wants to keep up the kidnapping charade because he feels like he's in his parents' way and they hate him. Grandpa Charlie says the parents hate themselves, not Brian.

A man named Robert leaves a message for Mrs. Hoffs on Judy's answering machine, saying he misses the sound of her voice. Judy asks her mom who Robert is. According to Mrs. Hoffs, he's just a friend. Judy doesn't believe that story.

Mrs. Hoffs (Dolores) tells Judy that her dad left because he didn't feel he could trust his wife anymore. Judy asks her mom point blank if she's sleeping with Robert. Dolores doesn't answer.

Harry goes to a park to make the ransom drop. Grandpa Charlie watches from a nearby bridge. Fuller, Phillips, Tom, and Doug are supervising the drop from a cliff. Grandpa Charlie instructs Harry to pick up the walkie-talkie sitting at the base of a cherub statue, put on a waiting life jacket, and bring the ransom to the waterfall. 

Tom asks Doug if he thinks Mr. and Mrs. Penhall would've paid $75 grand to get Doug back if he was kidnapped. Doug doesn't seem to be listening. Grandpa Charlie tells Harry to leave the money and walkie-talkie next to a pine tree beside the waterfall. He tells Harry the lining of the life jacket is filled with explosives. Fuller shouts for Phillips to call the bomb squad. 

Grandpa Charlie instructs Harry not to turn around and to walk back to the statue. Brian creeps through some brush wearing a life jacket of his own to grab the bag of money. Fuller spots him and tells Bryan to move slowly. He reassures Harry that the bomb squad is coming.

Back at the campsite, Brian counts the ransom. It's only $600, ostensibly because his parents need more time to get the rest. Brian is angry that they were tricked.

In the Chapel, Cap'n Rufus and Phillips examine the "bomb," which was just 4 road flares and some telephone wire. Rufus thinks they're dealing with an amateur. The cassette tapes were purchased at a drug store in Michigan, where Grandpa Charlie rents a summer cabin. Judy's at her desk with Dolores watching her work. Judy's phone rings; it's her dad, but Rufus summons her before she has a chance to talk. Judy hands her mom the phone and asks her to write down Dad's flight information.

Judy reveals that there was a falling-out with Grandpa Charlie after Brian was denied permission to attend his grandma's funeral. Cap'n Rufus wants photos and fingerprints from Grandpa Charlie. Phillips tries to start an argument over jurisdiction. They're interrupted by Judy's mom shouting, "How dare you put me in that position?" Judy introduces Dolores as her mom. Doug tells Dolores that she raised a nice young lady.

Dolores thanks Doug, starts to leave, and plows right into Blowfish. Fuller bets Grandpa Charlie's fingerprints will be on the walkie-talkie batteries.

Grandpa Charlie wants a better plan before things go further south. He's brought Brian some books and newspaper clippings about other famous kidnappings. Inexplicably, he also has Brian's birth announcement. Brian wants to know what his parents were like when he was born. The Sheffields were love-crazed and tried to elope.

Grandpa Charlie starts reading aloud about the J. Paul Getty kidnapping. Brian is excited by the $2.5 million ransom paid to Getty's kidnappers and wants to follow that blueprint. That is, until he learns about Getty's ear being cut off. Grandpa Charlie has another plan for letting the cops know they're serious.

Tom and Doug stand in front of a mound of dirt by the high school. A white wooden cross that reads "RIP Brian Sheffield" has been driven into the ground. Grandpa Charlie left behind the $600, a note demanding the rest of the money, and a rubber ear from the clown mask.

Mr. Sheffield waves the ear and tells his ex-wife her dad is nuts. Cap'n Rufus informs the parents that the details were borrowed from the Getty kidnapping, as if they care. He asks Brian's mom if she's willing to follow the note, which instructs her to deliver the ransom. Mr. Sheffield doesn't want her "driving down back roads and tossing money out of windows." Cap'n Rufus has another idea and asks Brian's mom, "How good is your father's eyesight?" Tom looks nervous about where this is going. 

Tom drives down the road, wearing a blond wig, pearl earrings, and a dress. Doug and Harry are laying down in the backseat. "They don't pay me enough for this," Tom gripes. Another car is following them. It flashes its lights even though it's daytime. Grandpa Charlie's signal. 

Cap'n Rufus 
and Phillips watch Grandpa Charlie pass from their car. Rufus radios Tom with instructions to pull Grandpa Charlie over in half a mile. Grandpa Charlie flashes his lights again; Tom tosses the money bag. Brian pops up from a ditch to grab the ransom. Tom suddenly fishtails the car and screeches to a halt. Harry and Doug bail out of the backseat.

Grandpa Charlie drives away with Tom in pursuit. Harry and Doug run down to the ditch to grab Brian. He manages to dodge them and smirks like a gargoyle from atop a stump while he watches the cops run through the woods. Grandpa Charlie is forced to stop by the police roadblock. Tom gets out of the car to frisk Grandpa Charlie.

In Cap'n Rufus's office, Phillips asks if the locals can handle getting a conviction or if they'd rather turn over Bozo's ear. Rufus is not amused. Grandpa Charlie is in the squadroom regaling the Jump Street Crew with a story about a famous Dodgers/Cubs game he attended. Tom, for reasons unknown, has ditched the wig but not the dress. 

Cap'n Rufus
 comes out to say the court will be easier on Grandpa Charlie if he admits to Brian's involvement in the phony kidnapping. Grandpa refuses to give up his grandson. Life behind bars is worth keeping Brian away from two people who don't care about him. He agrees to tell them where Brian is hiding, though, since he knows his grandson is alone and scared.

At the campsite, Doug zips Brian inside the tent and flashes his badge. Brian wants something to eat; Tom promises he'll get it downtown. Brian asks if Grandpa Charlie is going to jail. They planned the kidnapping together and Brian doesn't want to go back to his parents. Doug tells the kid to ease up; him and Tom are just doing their jobs. Tom feels like hell about this.

Judy and her parents come out of a hotel, arguing about Dolores's boyfriend. Dolores claims she and Robert just go to the theater and have a drink after the play. Dr. Hoffs asks why there's a charge on her credit card bill for what it costs to get a hotel suite. Dolores has to choose: Robert or him. Dolores claims the charge in question was lunch for 4 at the hotel restaurant.

Judy tells her parents to grow up. Dolores says the marriage isn't worth saving if her husband doesn't trust her. She and Robert are just friends. She's been taking aerobics and going to plays to have a life of her own outside their marriage. Dr. Hoffs softens and asks to go out for a family dinner. Judy smiles.

In the courtroom, Tom and Doug approach the prosecutor and introduce themselves as the arresting officers. The prosecutor says the case against Grandpa Charlie is a slam-dunk. Tom tells him there are extenuating circumstances, but the prosecutor doesn't care. Tom and Doug leave to make a phone call.

Judge Desmond takes the bench. Brian watches forlornly from the front row. Grandpa Charlie has chosen to act as his own attorney. He asks Mr. Sheffield why he wouldn't allow Brian to attend his grandma's funeral. Simple, it was Dad's weekend with the kid and they had tickets to a ballgame. Tom and Doug have returned.

Mrs. Sheffield testifies that she felt a sense of relief that her father was the person who kidnapped Bryan. Grandpa Charlie's turn to question her. Mrs. Sheffield objected to her ex having weekend custody because he was brainwashing Brian by taking him to power clinics. Mr. Sheffield begins arguing with his ex-wife and Grandpa Charlie from the gallery; Brian supposedly never told his dad he didn't want to attend the clinics.

Grandpa Charlie makes an impassioned plea before the court. He cares what Brian wants. His parents are just using him to toy with each other. The prosecutor objects to the parents being cross-examined when Grandpa Charlie is the one who committed a felony. Judge Desmond says Grandpa Charlie is just making his case.

The prosecutor says a bonded justice courier will be arriving soon with the ransom tapes. The courier turns out to be Blowfish. Cap'n Rufus glares at Doug and Tom. Doug sinks down in his chair. Blowfish produces the rubber ear from the evidence envelope. Turns out he's not a bonded courier, which means the ransom tapes with Brian's voice on them are now inadmissible as evidence. 

Judge Desmond says this case will be a misdemeanor unless the prosecutor has other evidence. He doesn't. Judge Desmond has the family come up to the bench. Grandpa Charlie is found guilty of illegal restraint, but not abduction, and gives him a 2-year suspended prison sentence. Grandpa Charlie will also be on a 6-month restraining order keeping him from Brian.

Brian negotiates with the judge who somehow thinks the brat is cute. Brian will remain in his mother's custody. Blowfish is fined for contempt of court. Court is adjourned. 

Doug grabs Tom by the head and kisses his partner on the cheek. Tom shoves Doug away. Now we know who they were calling. Cap'n Rufus tells them to get their smiles in now because they won't be so happy when they get back to the Chapel.

Doug, Tom, and Blowfish are lined up in front of Cap'n Rufus's desk. Rufus tells Blowfish not to ever interfere with the squad's police activity again. Blowfish asks if Rufus will pay his contempt fine. "Get outta my office!" Rufus replies. 

Cap'n Rufus is angry that his officers tampered with evidence and obstructed justice. Not like it's the first time. Or has he already forgotten Judy and the porn case? Rufus understands that they didn't feel Grandpa Charlie deserved to go to prison, but they still broke the law. As punishment, Tom and Doug will be suspended without pay for 2 days.

End of the most unnecessarily convoluted episode so far. Also a very disappointing beginning to Season 2.