Case #1.13: "Mean Streets and Pastel Houses"

At an underground club, a punk band, the Slug Lords, performs a charming little number called "Too Young to Die." The lyrics are largely incomprehensible and the lead singer seems to have a pseudo-British accent. We see some teens spray the anarchy symbol on the side of a car and drive off. The letters KKK are sprayed in red on a realty sign. Junior Klansmen wreaking havoc?

A boy in punk attire graffitis a wall with "Friendly Neighbours." Almost forgot this is one of those shows where the USA is played by Canada...Vancouver in this case, I believe. His friend calls for him to jump in the back of his pickup truck because he spotted the KKK. One of the KKK kids in a hideous orange sedan grabs the arm of the boy who was spray-painting. He gets yanked out of the pickup, lands hard on the street, and rolls to a stop.

The sedan's driver backs up and mutters for the other kid to get up. Unusual considering they're apparently in rival gangs. The other boy slowly stands, his face a bloody mess. He seems to have a broken arm. His friends lay him in the bed of the pickup and drive off again.

Outside police headquarters, the punk boys from the sedan await the return of their friend. He was brought in for questioning about the Neighbour they assaulted. A curly-haired boy comes out and assures his friends he didn't talk. He checks one of their watches and complains that the cops made him miss dinner. He grabs a can of spray paint. The curly-haired punk sprays the anarchy symbol onto the trunk of a police cruiser. He laughs about the irony until the driver tells him to get in the car.

Cap'n Rufus tells Doug and Tom that the KKK put another kid in the hospital. The Friendly Neighbours have been the gang's latest target. The KKK is also responsible for $200,000 in property damage. Captain "Bad News" Ballhouse wants Jump Street to put a stop to the gangs or he's breaking out the riot gear.

Doug says, "Studs and leather, here I come. KKK, awesome band." "KKK?" asks Tom, looking shocked; like me, he's clearly thinking of white sheets and hoods rather than mosh pits.

"Klean Kut Kids," Doug explains. "It's a band, it's a gang, it's a floor wax." So I don't get confused myself, I'll refer to the gang as Klean and its members as Kuts. 

Cap'n Rufus
 says it's unlikely Klean will buy 2 people trying to join at the same time, so Tom will be going in as a hardcore punk. Doug gripes that the captain's trying to break the laws of nature. But the gang is mostly comprised of smart, middle-class kids; it isn't just studs and leather.

Doug asks Tom if he's ever been slam-dancing, stage-diving, or speaker-diving. Unsurprisingly, the answer is no to all of the above. Doug says they won't buy Tom's cover if he isn't all-out punk from the start. He begs Cap'n Rufus to make him the lead man, but Rufus
 sticks with his original plan. 

Tom arrives at the Slug Lords show in full punk rocker regalia, including a shirt with the anarchy symbol on it. A girl with a shaved head tries to make out with him. Onstage, the band is singing "Too Young to Die." Tom ends up in the middle of the mosh pit. He doesn't like it at first, but soon begins to enjoy himself.

Tom fights his way toward the stage. After a few stage dives, he confidently climbs on top of the tallest speaker and jumps. Tom follows the driver of the sedan outside. The other Kuts are smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, and barking at passing girls. Yes, barking like dogs. Tom says he moved to town from Oklahoma a few weeks ago and hasn't found his way to school yet.

A police car shows up. Apparently, it's past curfew. The officer tells the kids to stop loitering and dump out the beer. The band's leader singer, Lancer, rounds up the Kuts. Tom tries to join them. Sedan Driver says they can hang out tomorrow if Tom finds his way to school.

In the parking lot, a security guards stops the sedan and asks for the $5 parking fee. The guard laughs as he watches the Kuts fumble around in their pockets looking for money.

Doug, driving Tom's Mustang, picks his partner up. He tells Doug about his experiences, describing the show as a "weird, deviant Aboriginal offshoot." Doug can't believe Tom slam-danced instead of taking notes in a corner. According to Tom, the punk scene is just another subculture. Doug notes, "You could make a freaking documentary." The kids who go to the shows are outsiders everywhere else, so it's a form of instant acceptance. 

Back at the punk venue parking lot, Lancer persuades Sedan Driver to drive his car through the flimsy guard shack. The security guards needs to be taught a lesson about laughing at them. Fortunately, the guard gets out of the booth before impact.

At school, Tom has calculus with Sedan Driver (SD). He hangs back while SD has a conversation with Mr. Wiedland, the teacher. Mr. W is concerned about SD. He's been hanging out with unsavory characters, quit the school newspaper and student council, and didn't try out for soccer. SD assures Mr. W that everything's fine.

Doug meets up with Tom in the cafeteria. His hair has been dyed black and slicked into a ponytail; he's wearing a trenchcoat. Tom joins the Kuts at their table. SD wants to know why Tom is at Hamilton mid-semester; Tom explains that he'd been living in Oklahoma with his mom, but she sent him off to live with his stepdad. For some reason, nobody questions why Tom's mother and stepfather are living in different states.

Darby, the punk with curls, says their friend Tober hasn't been home in a month, mostly sleeping in a Goodwill box. Tom asks what's the deal with the Kuts and the band. SD says he can hear it from the lead singer after school.

Lancer sits at a diner table counseling some disenfranchised youths. He claims parents send their kids to ballet, speech lessons, and the orthodontist as punishment for not fitting their idea of perfect. The more conventional kids don't like themselves so it's not surprising that they bully the punks. Oh, and SD finally has a name: Bryan.

Lancer's lecture is interrupted by a series of "Ows" from Doug, who's being dragged into the diner. Tober has pulled one of Doug's arms behind his back and is holding on to the scruff of his neck. Pretty impressive for a kid who probably weighs around a buck-twenty. 

Darby tells Lance that Doug's concerned with things that aren't his business, namely the gang. Lance tells the Kuts to take Doug outside to beat him up. Doug tries to run for the door, but the Kuts catch him. Tom tells Doug to let him handle it.

A pretty decent monologue follows: "I can see I'm gonna have to put this into terms you can understand. That's my stepbrother Douglas. He's kinda lame, but it's not his fault. You kick his tail, he tells my stepdad, my stepdad kicks my tail. Then I'm gonna have to come back here and kick your tail." This is yet another occasion where it's obvious they dubbed over the word "ass."

Lancer pulls out a switchblade; Tom easily takes it from him. Lancer decides Tom's all right. Hours later, Tom and Doug are still at the same diner (Rocket Dog). Doug wonders when the Neighbours are coming. Tom thought his partner lived for crawling in the underbelly of society. A car horn honks outside.

Doug and Tom join the Kuts in the parking lot. A Neighbour threatens to kill them or at least put them in the hospital. One of the Neighbours has brought along his 10-year-old brother. The kid, who looks a lot like the miniature greaser from The Outsiders, yells more threats at the older kids. The Kuts scare the Neighbours into driving off.

Tom asks Bryan why the Kuts beat up the kid at the beach. Bryan explains Lancer thought it would be cool; his voice sounds a hell of a lot like C. Thomas Howell's circa Red Dawn and The Outsiders. Nobody messes with the Kuts anymore because they're afraid. Doug tells Tom they were supposed to be home hours ago and they're gonna be in serious trouble.

Tober tells Doug he should change his name because names other people give you don't matter. Doug asks the obvious question: why would anyone want to be called Tober? It's simple; October is the kid's favorite month because it's when everything dies.

Doug reacts pretty much the same way I would after hearing something like that: "I'm outta here!" He adds to Tom, "Deal with Dad on your own. I ain't any part of it." He takes off. Tom calls after Doug that maybe he'll come home tonight and maybe he won't.

Bryan and Tom creep up the stairs at Bryan's place. Tom is hesitant about being in a stranger's house at 3:30 A.M. Bryan says his parents don't care who he brings over. Or what time he does, apparently.

In his room, Bryan tells Tom he's staying up to study and tosses him a sleeping bag. Tom remarks that Bryan's in a lot of AP courses. Bryan explains that if he takes enough, he'll be admitted to college as a sophomore, which will save his mom a lot on tuition. Tom asks why Bryan hangs around the Kuts. Bryan cryptically replies, "That'd be a very long conversation...if we ever had it."

At the Chapel the next morning, Tom tries to take a nap at his desk. He's barely closed his eyes when he's summoned into Rufus's office. The captain isn't in a good mood. He warns Tom not to ever let the previous night's events happen again. Nobody knew Tom was sleeping over at Bryan's and besides, you're not supposed to separate from your partner. 

Tom explains about the impromptu slumber party. He doesn't think the Kuts are hardened criminals; Lancer is the real problem. Cap'n Rufus says they'll have to be careful not to make Lancer a martyr and sends Tom home for some sleep.

After school, Tom meets the Kuts at the school field. Bryan wants to play touch football; the others are more interested in meeting up with Lancer. The punks form a team and match up against some preppy kids. Tom goes long and makes a touchdown. Lancer watches from the sidewalk with a disgusted look on his face. Doug and Tober reenact the lift from Dirty Dancing. 

Bryan walks over to Lancer. Lancer is angry that he was kept waiting. For 30 seconds? He mocks Bryan for playing football. He could get the guys to turn on Bryan in a second. Bryan doesn't think so; he's known Darby and Tober since 3rd grade. If Bryan said Lancer wasn't cool, the others wouldn't hang out with him.

Lancer crosses the street and is nearly hit by an oncoming police car. One of the cops gives him a ticket for jaywalking. Lancer crumples the ticket and tosses it on the ground. The second cop says they could charge him for littering, which would be a $60 fine on top of $35 for jaywalking. The Kuts taunt the cops, who threaten to take them in for disorderly conduct.

Lancer lays down in the street, arguing that the cops were eventually planning to tackle him there in the "felony prone" position. He stands up and swings at one of the cops. The Kuts cheer him on. Lancer is arrested and thrown in the back of the car.

That night on a different street, the Kuts are hiding in some trees. Tober wants to teach the police department a lesson for arresting Lancer. He called 911 to report a robbery at a nearby store. Tober's tied a wire across the street about chest-high, which will knock the approaching motorcycle cop off his bike when he turns around to respond to the bogus robbery.

Tom protests that Tober could end up decapitating the cop. "Well, cool!" Tober yells. Doug whispers that they have bust the Kuts before they end up killing a police officer. Tom scraps with the gang members. Doug mutters they better call Cap'n Rufus.

Judy talks to one of the guys on the phone. She tells them that they better get the Kuts off the street; Ballhouse is on his way with tear gas and riot dogs to bust them for violating curfew.

Too late. The gas has been deployed and the Kuts are surrounded. The cops start arresting them. "Too Young to Die" can be vaguely heard over the barking police dogs. Is that the band's only song?

The next morning, Tom and Doug tell Harry that they were among 16 kids arrested for breaking curfew. "Some anarchists, half of 'em posted bail with their credit cards," Tom quips. 

Lancer's real name is Charles King. He's on parole, which he definitely violated by pulling a knife on Tom. Cap'n Rufus says the uniformed officers were too eager and Ballhouse wants to handle the case his way. Tom no longer thinks arresting Lancer is the right move. It'd be better to get Bryan's head on straight so the others will leave the gang. Rufus says Lancer will do absolutely anything to keep the kids around, so they should be careful.

Lancer holds court at Rocket Dog. He wants to skip singing about anarchy at that night's show in order to cause some. Bryan can't believe they're serious, but goes along anyway.

The Kuts head out for a spirited game of mailbox baseball. Bryan drives over a line of trashcans, a STOP sign, and a lawn jockey. The Kuts throw bricks through some windows.

While Tom and Doug are reviving over cups of black coffee, Cap'n Rufus tosses a folder on Tom's desk. The gang did $150,000 of damage last night alone. The case stopped being just about vandalism at 1 AM; the hospitalized Friendly Neighbour died when a blood clot from his broken arm traveled to his brain. 

Even with my EMT license, I'm not entirely sure that's medically possible. A quick Google search tells me the biggest complication of a blood clot in an arm is it traveling to the lungs.

Anyway, the Kuts who were in Bryan's car are now all implicated in manslaughter. Tom still thinks he can turn them around. Cap'n Rufus tells Tom to make it happen.

In Bryan's room, Bryan sits with a beer bottle in hand saying it's gone too far. But he is still unwilling to quit the gang and go back to being a jock. A car horn honks repeatedly outside. Tom tells Bryan that he doesn't have to go. 

Downstairs, Lancer breaks into the gun cabinet. He hands rifles to Tober and Darby, then grabs one for himself.

In the Mustang, Doug gives Tom a tape recorder to wear and a gun to stuff in his leather jacket. 

At a park, the Kuts watch Lancer set a picnic bench on fire with a Molotov cocktail. He suggests tossing a few Molotovs at police cars or better yet, the police station. This is war and they can't wait for the cops to strike first. Oh goody, arson! As if these kids aren't in enough trouble already.

Lancer says there's no other choice and grabs one of the rifles. They aren't to shoot the police officers, just scare them. Tom says it's the stupidest idea he's ever heard. Lancer chambers a round. 

Bryan agrees with Tom. Spending a couple of hours in jail isn't worth going through with a plan that's just short of suicide. Lancer and the Kuts won't matter in 2 years. Lancer trains the gun on Bryan. 

Bryan tries to convince his friends not to do it. Steve acts crazy but isn't stupid. He says something to Tober that sounds an awful lot like, "You got a nut that doesn't work. Leave it alone." Uh...what?

Lancer says they don't need Bryan and tosses the gun to Darby. Darby doesn't want to go along with them and plans on taking the guns back to Bryan's. Lancer, for some reason, doesn't put up a fight and leaves. Bryan gets choked up and thanks Tom. He learns Tom is a cop and asks if Lancer's going to jail. Tom assures him of that. "Good gol-darned riddance," he says. So much for the punk act.

Tom and Bryan walk out of Rocket Dog with little cups of coffee. They sit outside since the owner is locking up for the night. Bryan blames himself for the Neighbour's death because he was driving. Now Tom has to arrest him. Bryan sniffles and stares off into the distance.

End of episode. End of Season 1.

Case #1.12: "16 Blown to 35"

A SWAT team arrives to raid a crack house. The plainclothes detective finds a female junkie sitting in a bedroom and recognizes her as Lacy King the porn star. She's led out in handcuffs.

At police headquarters, Cap'n Rufus enters the interrogation room, where Lacy is smoking a cigarette. She remembers him from a case several years ago when the captain went undercover in the porn industry. Rufus wants to know how old Lacy is; she claims she's legal. Rufus thinks it's more likely she's only been legal for a short time. By his calculations, she started making porn when she was 15. Lacy says she was 14, which is somehow even sadder.

Cap'n Rufus is full of questions: Who started Lacy in the business? What happened to the feature film she was supposed to make? How long has she been doing crack? Lacy makes no comment except to pluck at her rat's-nest hair and ask, "You think anyone out there has a brush?" Rufus offers to let her walk on the crack bust. Lacy doesn't think he'd believe her if she told him how she ended up in porn.

At a mall, a runway has been set up in the atrium. Teenage boys and girls strut down it wearing the latest trends while the crew from Jump Street watches. An overhead banner reads "Teen Scene Fashion Show". A huge crowd is gathered in front of a table that's advertising the Teen Scene School of Modeling.

Mike Farris, the owner of the school, stands off to the side emceeing the show over a microphone. He's wearing a VERY garish suit. That would probably tip me off that he didn't really know about the world of fashion. He reminds the people watching that all the show's fashions can be purchased at stores in the mall. The kids could also be in one of these shows if they take his classes.

Judy, Harry, and Tom join the mob filling out forms to audition for the modeling school. Doug is still watching the fashion show, mesmerized by a slim, pretty blond in her mid-20s. She shows off a spaghetti-strap black dress with silver trim and a silver star on one hip. I kind of like it myself, actually.

In Cap'n Rufus's office, he's on the phone arguing with a guy named Frank about baseball tickets. He wants to be behind first base in a row with a single-digit number. He has a special out-of-town guest coming in, namely his 16-year-old son. Doug and Tom mouth the word "son?" at each other.

Rufus hangs up and asks what they learned at the fashion show. Judy wants to know more about his son. Tom didn't know Fuller was married. Of course, the captain is divorced. He shows Judy a picture of his son. His name is Kip after Rudyard Kipling; Rufus wanted to call him Hank, as in Aaron. Rufus brags that Kip is student council president and a great pitcher.

Cap'n Rufus abruptly switches back to business mode. Doug asks if they all really have to audition for Teen Scene School. According to Lacy, Mike Farris started her doing porn. Rufus wants him stopped. Tom doesn't think a crackhead like Lacy is the world's most reliable witness. Rufus concedes he could be right.

The gang joins a throng of teens, the number of which I'm pretty sure exceeds the fire code, at the Teen Scene School. Harry and Tom are wearing suits. Doug is sporting ripped jeans, a leather jacket, a motorcycle T-shirt, and a feather earring. Hey, bud, that earring's mine and I want it back :P Judy shows up in a casual black-and-white dress and has her headshot taken.

Later, Farris and the blond woman from the fashion show congratulate the chosen ones, although it's not entirely clear how they picked the group. Doug and Judy made the cut. Modeling classes are Saturdays only and the first 2 lessons are free. Oldest trick in the book to pressure people into making decisions. 

Teen Scene students will be eligible to participate in mall fashion shows. Farris says it could be the first step in a modeling career. Everyone looks excited, except of course Doug, who seems to be nodding off against a wall.

As they leave, Farris zeroes in on Judy. He says she's as special as the girls who model for a living. He invites two other prospective female students to join him and the blond model for coffee. 

Judy's onto him; he's feeding off the insecurities created by the fashion magazines that these girls have probably been buying since they first got an allowance. Doug enters the Chapel accompanied by a Rastafarian boy. He turns off the kid's boombox. Meanwhile, the kid's passing out sticks of something to everyone nearby, telling them to enjoy it with a friend.

Doug walks the kid over to his desk and sits him down. Doug caught him loitering, panhandling, and trying to sell people incense. "Not sellin', mon, givin'," the boy corrects him in an obviously fake Caribbean accent. Doug grabs the incense from him and asks for the boy's name. "Dread Della Della Day," he replies. Doug raises his eyebrows and mutters, "Ah, Doris's son."

Cap'n Rufus is upset because his son is missing. Kip never got on the plane and the airline doesn't know where he is. He's halfway through dialing the phone when he notices the kid with dreads. "Kip?" he says, shocked. Kip smiles. "Dad, mon! Happiness!" he cries. Harry, Doug, and Tom can't believe this is their conservative boss's son. Neither can I.

Kip sits cross-legged on the floor of his dad's office listening to reggae on his boombox. Cap'n Rufus turns the music off. Kip rattles on in Jamaican slang. Rufus wonders if he can speak English long enough to explain what happened. Kip has embraced the teachings of Marcus Garvey. Rufus asks if Marcus told Kip to wear a tablecloth and tie his hair in knots. To Kip, dreadlocks are antennae to the Lord.

Cap'n Rufus wants to know how his son got suckered into this, but he won't respond to the name Kip. "If you think I'm gonna call you Dread Della Della Day, then yo' antennae needs adjustin'," Rufus tells him. He thinks Kip's conversion is the result of a problem, maybe lingering trauma from the divorce.

I love how these shows always try to blame divorce. My parents split up when I was 11 years old. I loved both my parents equally, but it was a lot harder on my mom than it was on me. I don't remember crying about it; I knew this was the way things were gonna be and I couldn't change it.

Anyway, Kip swears he doesn't have a problem in the world since he found one love and a happiness inside. Cap'n Rufus just hangs his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Doug is stewing over the fact that he didn't blow the modeling audition; Farris thought Doug had "primitive appeal." Cap'n Rufus wants Doug to get together a list of students and cross-check their names with Vice. Judy's job is to let Farris know she'd do anything to become a model.

Rufus tells Doug and Judy about his problems with Kip. Doug suggests a Rasta-to-English dictionary. Judy thinks it's just a phase.

At the Teen Scene School, the students do a mock fashion shoot. Doug's dressed like Rambo and holding a fake M16; he's surrounded by girls. Judy adjusts her midriff top to show off more shoulder. Farris grins and says she's getting dangerous. Trina, a pretty girl with sandy hair, shows more shoulder too. Farris says she's gonna make it hard for him to go to sleep. Yuck!

The blond model sits the girls in front of a mirror and watches them do their makeup. She reminds them to only use hypoallergenic products so they don't break out. Yeah, we wouldn't want any pimples showing up in the pornos. 

Farris appears behind them. Trina gets up to let him know that her mom thinks extra movement courses will be worth the money. Farris is all too happy about this. He says dedication like Trina's is what it takes to get ahead. Farris wants to take Judy's headshots personally. Trina looks jealous. Can't imagine why. Farris is such a creepy old man.

At Rufus's apartment, the Jump Street captain flushes a bag of ganja down the kitchen sink. Kip is upset by the illegal search and seizure. Cap'n Rufus is sick of apologizing because he's still waiting for the right kid to show up. 
When anger doesn't work, he tries addressing Kip as Dread and says he wants to keep trying to better their relationship.

Judy and Trina eat salad at the mall food court and pore over a fashion magazine. Trina would give anything to live the glamorous lifestyle of a supermodel. Judy points out the double standard: "If it's in a fashion magazine, it's erotic. But when my brother buys it and hides it under his mattress, it's dirty pictures."

At Farris's apartment, Judy tries not to look uncomfortable as Farris clicks away with his camera. She's still fully clothed. Judy wants to try a sophisticated look, which in this case means undoing a few buttons on her dress to show she's clearly not wearing a bra.

The wall next to Doug's desk is now covered with mostly black-and-white headshots from Teen Scene students. Tom tells Cap'n Rufus the girls are all legitimate models. Judy isn't so sure Farris is guilty of anything criminal. 

Blowfish, who's passing by, points at the blond instructor's headshot and says "Dominique!" Apparently, she starred in a little film called Dominique's Daydream. Judy can't believe it's Nicky from the school. "Just a pretty girl who used to have a future," Fuller says.

Kip is taking his afternoon meal out of a wicker basket in his dad's office: a big jug of orange juice, seaweed, and alfalfa shucks. There's also a batch of homemade brownies for everyone. The captain cautiously sniffs one. Rufus, if I were you, I wouldn't be handing those out. Doug's always hungry as it is.

Tom pops in to ask the captain to come to a private screening of Dominique's Daydream. Blowfish puts the tape into the squadroom VCR. So much for privacy... Stereotypical "bow-chicka-bow-wow" music plays as the video begins. "Does the same guy score all these films?" Doug asks, earning himself a dirty look from Judy. He goes back to eating his apple.

In the movie, there's a cheap set made to look like a principal's office. A boom mic is clearly visible in the shot. A much-younger Dominique is sitting in an office chair wearing a black miniskirt. The actor playing the principal, who bears a remarkable resemblance to Blowfish, scolds the girl for being sent to his office yet again. 
Porno Principal has reports from teachers that Dominique's been daydreaming in class. She meekly confirms it. He asks what she's been daydreaming about.

Judy wants the tape shut off; everyone can tell it's Dominique from the modeling school. She gets angry when Blowfish makes a comment about the movie. The copyright on the film is 4 years old, meaning Dominique made her debut at around the age of 15. The guys exchange guilty looks.

Judy walks around the mall with Dominique. Judy says her older brother rented a dirty movie that had Dominique in it. Judy now has doubts about modeling school if that's where Dominique ended up. Dominique protests that she didn't "end up" in porn and she wasn't forced to do it either. Once you make it big as a model, you don't have to do it anymore. Dominique reveals she's Farris's business partner.

Farris is doing another photo shoot, this time with Trina. She's posing on his bed wearing a fancy pink silk blazer with serious '80s shoulder pads. Farris thinks she'll probably get catalog work right away, as in clothing ads in the Sunday paper. Trina looks disappointed. Farris takes another picture and asks if Trina wants him to stop.

Trina asks if it would be better to wear something else. Farris says all the outfits she brought are the same style. Trina undoes the button on her blazer. Farris hungrily watches and tells her not to be nervous because he's a professional photographer. Trina sheds the jacket, revealing nothing but a bra underneath. She starts to unfasten her bra, but the clip gets stuck. She manages to take it off and sits topless while Farris photographs her.

Cap'n Rufus arrives home with groceries, but Kip isn't inside. He's burning incense on the back deck and sanding a piece of wood. A partly finished bookshelf sits nearby. It's quiet and Rufus remarks that he didn't think Kip did anything without listening to music. Cap'n Rufus has been working on the shelf for a while, but never has time to finish his weekend projects.

Cap'n Rufus explains that he's not against Kip's lifestyle; it's just really out of the mainstream. He asks why Kip couldn't have tried out Christian Science. He thinks about what he said and apologizes for being unfair. He wonders if problems at school caused Kip's change. Kip takes this as his dad thinking he was somehow brainwashed.

Kip drops the accent and says he's a long way off from being a true Rastafarian. He's not planning to run off to Jamaica and his grades are still good. Cap'n Rufus is glad and admits he doesn't mind the accent. He really likes reggae too. Kip hits a button on the boombox and soul music plays. He likes his dad's music too.

At Farris's apartment, Dominique is there and nearly naked. Farris says not to worry that Judy knows about Dominique's Daydream. Dominique suggests shutting down the modeling school for a while; Farris nixes the idea. She helps him finish getting ready and says they both feel better after a shoot. Farris tells her to forget about the shoot. Dominique was sensational at 15, but now she's too old. 

In Cap'n Rufus's office, the crew rattles off some platitudes about the adult film industry. Rufus used Dominique's hearsay confession about the movie to get a warrant to turn the modeling school upside down. Doug enthusiastically punches a file cabinet.

Farris is in a warehouse somewhere, putting a razorblade and small mirror back into his suitcase. A dazed Trina stands in front of him, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a big ribbon on one of her pigtails. She's changed her mind and wants to go home. Farris says she can't because the film crew is there just for her. Trina protests that she was told she could always say no. Farris berates Trina for thinking she's special. She's at the point of no return.

Judy, Harry, Tom, Cap'n Rufus, and Doug arrive at Teen Scene Modeling School with their warrant. Joanie the secretary thinks they're students and tells them the school is closed. Judy asks for Farris, but he's out of town for a couple of days and Joanie doesn't know where he is. Rufus announces that they have a warrant.

In a different part of the school, Cap'n Rufus tells them it takes about 2 days to put a porn together. He instructs the officers to look for hotel invoices, leases on warehouses, and the like.

At the warehouse, Trina sits on a hay bale wearing nothing but a green bathrobe. She's holding the neck of the robe closed tightly. A film crew member seals a canister labeled "Dude Ranch." Farris barks at them to set up the next scene. Dominique is dressed for the occasion: denim shirt, matching skirt, and bolo tie. Farris applauds Trina's instincts and reassures Dominique that they'll be fine.

Suddenly, the warehouse door is broken open. The Jump Street division walks in with uniformed backup. Farris runs away. Trina grabs two film canisters and runs for it too. Doug catches up to Farris. Dominique heads for the roof. Cap'n Rufus orders the officers to seize every frame of film.

Trina bursts through a side door, closely followed by Judy. Trina clutches the film canisters to her. She's crying and  mascara runs down her cheeks. Judy orders Trina to hand over the film. Trina complies. Judy explains the film has to be processed in order to take Farris to trial. Trina sobs harder.

Judy rips off the tape sealing the canister, opens the tin, and starts pulling film off the reel. Dominique watches from an upstairs window. Judy opens the second canister and starts exposing the film. Cap'n Rufus comes outside and sees what she's doing. "HOFFS!" he shouts.

Rufus glares at Judy disgustedly and walks away. Dominique appears to ask what'll happen without the film. Unfortunately, nothing. Dominique offers to testify.

On his way into the paddy wagon, Farris sees Dominique getting into Fuller's car. He repeatedly yells "Don't do this!" at her while Tom and Doug hold him back. Judy comforts Trina.

Time for Judy to get a lecture. She could've blown the whole case by destroying the evidence. Judy was worried that Trina's life would be ruined by the film; Cap'n Rufus says there were other ways to bury it. Judy apologizes for going too far. Luckily, Dominique told them everything: how old she was when she started, why they started the modeling school, and the names of other underage girls used in Farris's films.

Kip knocks on the door, then comes in to say goodbye to his dad. Cap'n Rufus makes Kip promise not to sell his plane ticket this time. He's just glad Kip is happy. Kip gives Judy some sticks of incense. Rufus watches his son leave and asks in a Rasta accent of his own, "Hoffs, what do you tink I'd look like wit' my hair like dat, mon?"

End of episode.

Case #1.11: "Low and Away"

Judging by the title, I'd say this episode has something to do with baseball. And I'm right! A kid who plays for a team called the Tigers is on the mound practicing. 

Sidebar: I remember wanting to be a pitcher when I played youth softball. I spent weeks perfecting my delivery, modeled after my favorite Braves pitcher Kevin Millwood. Then my dad took me to a pitching clinic and they told me I had to throw underhand. I decided to play the field since I wasn't built to catch.

Anyway, the Tigers pitcher is an absolute natural; the batter he's pitching against can't even get close to the ball. 

Off to the side, the coaches are discussing the new walk-on catcher. They're both curious to know if he's got what it takes to play in the season opener, which is 2 days away. One coach calls out to Fisher the catcher and tells him to grab a bat. The catcher stands up, turns, and takes his mask off, revealing Doug's face. He's a transfer from guess where? Jefferson High! Cap'n Rufus is getting sloppy with these cover stories...

Doug squares off at the plate against the pitcher who's been striking everyone out. He clobbers every pitch, even bouncing one off the scoreboard. When the coaches are satisfied, he tucks a hand in his sweatshirt pocket and smiles to himself.

Back at the Chapel, Doug is in good spirits because it's spring and he's playing baseball again. He tries to sweet-talk Judy, but she brushes him off. The feds are looking for Doug and he needs to double-time it to Fuller's office.

Doug starts to brag about his performance at batting practice. Judy is unimpressed since he was hitting against high school pitching. "I need this from a Cubs fan?" he asks. Judy counters with, "The most loyal fans of all." This sounds almost word-for-word like the arguments I used to have with one of my exes.

Anyway, since this was the '80s and sexual harassment in the workplace wasn't as frowned upon, Doug takes the opportunity to playfully slap Judy's butt. He leads her into Cap'n Rufus's office with his hands on her hips. There, they meet the glare of Phillips, a fed in a dark suit.

Phillips has requested the unit's help with protecting Johnny Hartman, the Lincoln High Tigers' star pitcher, who's currently a kidnap target. The reason is on a need-to-know basis and they apparently don't need to know. Any attempt made on Johnny will be within the next 72 hours. Judy will be put in Johnny's classes since Doug already made the baseball team.

In the Hartman kitchen, Mrs. Hartman tells Johnny that his dad called. He wants to look over scholarship offers with Johnny and come to the game on Thursday. Johnny is not at all happy about this prospect.

At school, Judy learns that Johnny is also a good student. She impresses him in the hallway by rattling off his stats from last season. He doesn't even question how she knows since his last high school was out of state.

The Tigers end their practice by doing windsprints. Doug keeps rubbing at his side and is having a little trouble catching his breath. Coach Wilson lets Doug know he'll be starting in the season opener. So will Jake Whitaker, a fellow transfer. Johnny saunters over to Judy, who's been watching practice from the fence, and asks her to dinner.

In the locker room, a player named Hennessey screams at Doug that he's sick of transfer students coming in and making the team. He tries to punch Doug in the jaw but ends up slamming his fist into a locker instead. Whitaker just about throws Hennessey across the locker room. Coach Wilson catches the tail end of the fight.

Over dessert with Judy, Johnny tells her two things: He knows she's a cop and she knows the reason she's with him has something to do with his father. Cops surround Johnny's house when he gets home because Whitaker broke in. The shortstop explains he was just trying to return Johnny's mitt, which Johnny knows he put in his locker. Strange indeed.

The next day, Fuller wants to know more about Whitaker. All they have is that he transferred into Lincoln High from a school in New York City last week. Tom and Harry are assigned to look further into Whitaker's background. 

At the game, there are tons of spectators lining the fences. Many of them are waving posters. Baseball was nowhere close to that big of a deal at my high school; the only people who went to the games were players' parents, siblings, and girlfriends. Doug's first at-bat doesn't go well at all; he strikes out. Johnny's concentration is blown by the sudden appearance of his father in the stands and he walks the next batter.

Meanwhile, Tom goes into the main office with fake blood all over his arm. The secretary agrees to unlock the nurse's office for him since everyone else is at the game. Once they're gone, Harry opens a file cabinet and takes out Jake Whitaker's folder.

Back on the baseball field, it's the top of the 7th and final inning. What happened to 9? Oh well. Doug's the last batter for Lincoln High and has a chance to make a game-winning play. He lands a solid hit that sends the outfielders scrambling. The runner on base comes in to score.

 a postgame party in the Lincoln cafeteria, complete with decorations and a DJ. I've never heard of that being done, not even for football. Johnny introduces Judy to his dad. Whitaker and his mom come over. Johnny gets very evasive when Mrs. Whitaker asks where Johnny's originally from.

Mr. Hartman goes to talk to Coach Wilson. He wants Johnny to play at least 2 years of college baseball before going to the minors. Mr. H also asks the coach to take care of Johnny's baseball career should anything happen to him.

Tom and Harry have learned there's no record of a Jake Whitaker being enrolled at the school that Whitaker supposedly transferred from. The feds send Harry and Tom to his place armed with a search warrant. The house is furnished and decorated sparsely. Whitaker tries to shoot them but misses. He says he's a cop too.

Back at the Chapel, Detective Danny Jacobson of the NYPD (alias Jake Whitaker) starts explaining things. He paid off the woman he brought to the game to pose as his mother; she showed the school her electric bill in order to get him enrolled.

Frank Hartman, it transpires, is really Carmine Terranova. Johnny Hartman is actually Carmine's son Chris. Carmine is in witness protection and due to fly back to New York to testify against a mob boss named Lucasi. Carmine witnessed the murder of Jacobson's partner. Jacobson's been tipped off that Lucasi enforcers are in town to keep Carmine from getting back to New York.

Cap'n Rufus tells Judy and Doug to stay with Johnny/Chris while Tom and Jacobson look for the hitmen. 

In a bar, Jacobson roughs up a random patron and threatens him with a knife in an attempt to locate Lucasi's men. Tom tries to stop him. Next stop is a hotel, where Jacobson shoves the desk clerk's head into a fish tank. The clerk tells him where the gangsters are staying, but they aren't in the room when the cops go upstairs.

Judy tells Johnny/Chris that she knows who he really is.

Jacobson sits in the Chapel griping about the quality of the pizza that's been ordered: "If it ain't New York, it ain't nowhere." "Except when it comes to football," Doug points out, "then it's Jersey." Of course, East Rutherford would be mentioned in a mob episode, given its dubious link to Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance.

Phillips shows up to tell them Mr. Hartman/Carmine wants to see his son before he has to leave town. Cap'n Rufus asks Doug to pick him up; he's eating with Judy at a restaurant called Sharky's. Jacobson tags along.

At Sharky's, Jacobson calls someone and tells them where the safehouse is. The person on the other end says Mr. Lucasi appreciates his help. 

Harry comes into Fuller's office. He's found out that the woman who posed as "Whitaker's" mom is also the widow of Jacobson's dead partner. Tom and Harry go to her house. The widow reveals that Hartman/Carmine wasn't a witness to her husband's murder; he was the one who pulled the trigger.

Cap'n Rufus and Phillips find two hitmen in a car outside the safehouse. Jacobson sneaks out from behind another car and swipes a shotgun from a nearby police cruiser. He tries to shoot Tom and Harry but misses again. Next, Jacobson steals the police car. Tom shoots out a front tire. The stolen cruiser hits a parked car at such an angle that the police car becomes airborne and flips over.

Back to the Lincoln High baseball field, Johnny/Chris tells Judy he has to move again now. Coach Wilson introduces Doug to a college scout. Doug admits that he's already graduated high school and is a cop. The scout shrugs and says he's still interested. Doug chuckles and a grin spreads across his face.

End of episode.

Case #1.10: "Next Generation"

Mr. Laforse, obviously a very dedicated teacher, is sitting at his desk grading papers even though it's well after dark. A student named Hoagy (I'm not making that name up) comes in and asks why he's there so late. Mr. Laforse has been slacking on grading, duh. Hoagy says that's not all Mr. L is behind on; Mr. L argues he's only a day late and even banks give grace periods. Hoagie points out that he's not a bank, then leaves the room. Another male student comes in and proceeds to beat the crap out of Mr. Laforse.

Cap'n Rufus tells Harry that Mr. Laforse is barely alive and not the first teacher (or student) at Riverside to be on the receiving end of an ass-kicking. No one wants to talk. One kid's mother admitted that her son owed $5,000 to someone. Tom suspects that Tony Deleplant, a local small business owner/loan shark, is probably involved somehow because his son Hogart goes to Riverside.

Harry's assigned to check into Mr. Laforse's finances. Tom will be going undercover as a potential client. Come on, Rufus, a loan shark case is tailor-made for Doug! It wouldn't be the worst example of stereotyping I've seen on this show so far. Having Harry do math for one...

Cap'n Rufus warns that Hogart is a straight-A student and will be able to detect a bad setup. Tom has to do whatever it takes to sell himself as smart; Doug almost blew his last case because he dropped calculus. Speaking of Doug, Judy pops over Tom's shoulder asking if anyone's seen him. Doug had a late-night bust and was given the morning off.

At Casa de Penhall, a guy is helping his drunk friend off the floor. The place is littered with empty beer cans and boxes containing half-eaten pizzas. Doug is hustling his party guests out. A man in the background is trying to place a collect call to Australia. Doug snaps, "Get off my phone!" 

Doug's standing at the door and instructs one of his guests to touch his nose. Apparently, he flunks the sobriety test because Doug asks for his keys. Doug doesn't look entirely sober himself; his hair is a mess and he's got his aviator sunglasses on crooked. People file out, tossing their empty cans in a trash bag. A guy in a cowboy hat high-fives Doug. "Who are you?" Doug asks. Cowboy points to the girl he came with. Doug asks, "Who's she?" Neither one answers.

Doug sighs, shuts the door, leans against it, and says he's gotta settle down. He turns off the stereo and vaults over the back of his couch, landing across the cushions on his stomach. He's about to go to sleep when the doorbell rings. He reluctantly gets up. His pretty British neighbor Julie is standing in the hall holding her infant daughter. 

Doug invites Julie in and offers her a drink. Julie came by to ask a favor. She's a flight attendant; one of her flights was rescheduled and she doesn't have anyone to babysit Hannah. I don't think I'd be leaving my baby with my bachelor neighbor who still parties like he's in college, but that's just me. She really needs Doug's help because she's missed a lot of work since separating from her husband. Roger, it transpires, was a stay-at-home dad.

Doug's sorry to hear about her marital troubles, probably because he's attracted to her. He asks how long she'd be gone. Julie promises she'll be home before noon. Doug tosses a pizza box and a stack of beer cans onto his recliner and says, "What could happen before noon?" Julie is ecstatic. She kisses Doug on the cheek and invites him to have dinner with her that night.

Julie passes Hannah over and leaves to get her diaper bag. Doug smiles at the baby. Hannah chooses that moment to come down with a severe case of leaky diaper.

Tom arrives at Riverside. Student government elections are in full swing. The halls are plastered with posters, including one endorsing Hoagy Deleplant for president. When Tom sits down in class, Hoagy immediately comes over to introduce himself. Tom's teacher is impressed by Tom's phony transcript from his previous school and invites him to join the scholastic bowl team. Hoagy is also a member.

After class, Hoagy starts hassling a ginger named Davy who is behind on his payments.

Back at Doug's place, someone is hammering on his doorbell again. He scrambles down from the loft, calling Julie's name. Nope, it's Judy. She asks why he's not at work and why he didn't answer his phone. Doug, obviously frazzled, claims he didn't hear the phone. Judy says he better get moving; Cap'n Rufus has been looking under desks for him. Doug says he can't leave the baby. Hannah can be heard screaming upstairs.

Judy looks around the apartment. There's toys and baby powder everywhere. She discovers why Doug didn't hear his phone: he took it off the hook. Judy's confused as to why there's suddenly a baby around. Doug comes back with Hannah and lays her on the counter to change her diaper. Judy notices him putting a T-shirt around Hannah. He takes the safety pin out of his ear to hold the shirt in place. Yeah, that seems sanitary.

Judy learns exactly why Hannah is there and asks if Doug's babysitting to move in on Julie. Doug wraps Hannah in his leather jacket like a blanket and has Judy grab the carseat. She can't believe he's taking a baby to the Chapel. He asks Judy if they can pick up more shirts on the way. I think diapers would be better.

At a dry cleaning business, Hoagy is doing the books for his father. Hoagy wants to help with more than just the laundry, but Mr. Deleplant says no. He wants Hoagy to focus on his grades, the scholastic bowl, getting into college, and the election.

Riverside is hosting a scholastic bowl tournament and the current category is U.S. Law. Tom, unsurprisingly, gets all 4 questions right. Of course, one was about the Miranda decision. The teacher who recruited Tom is practically salivating in the front row. Riverside will go on to the next round.

The teacher treats the scholastic bowl team to dinner. Davy the ginger calls Tom from a payphone inside the restaurant. Davy wants Tom to run against Hoagy for student council president. Tom doesn't want to. Back at the table, the teacher announces that if Riverside wins the next round, they'll go to the televised finals.

"Television? Are you kidding?" We hear Cap'n Rufus's voice from outside the Chapel. Tom says not to worry because there's no way the team will make it to the finals. Rufus reminds him that Tom being on TV would blow his cover at every school in town. Like continually sending him in as Tom something-or-other isn't a little suspect?

Harry comes in with the scoop on Mr. Laforse: his credit cards were maxed out and he was facing foreclosure. $10,000 was recently deposited in his bank account. Tom thinks Hoagy's dad is helping his little shark.

Doug is sitting at his desk wearing Hannah in a Snugli. He wants Judy's help, but she isn't crazy about babies. "You're a woman, aren't you?" Doug asks. Uh, you're lucky you have the kid in your arms or she'd probably slap you. He digs himself a deeper hole by saying she's more biologically qualified to watch Hannah. Blowfish thinks Pee-Wee Herman is more qualified than Doug.

Cap'n Rufus
 comes out to ask Doug why he hasn't finished an arrest report. He starts to lecture him, but melts a little when he sees Hannah. Doug assures his boss that Julie is probably stuck in traffic. Julie calls just then with some bad news: she's grounded in San Francisco due to trouble with the plane. She promises to make it up to Doug when she gets home. Doug likes the sound of that. He lies to Rufus by repeating his initial suspicion about traffic.

When he hangs up, Judy comes over to his desk. She thinks he must be pretty serious about Julie. Doug loves Julie's body, accent, and Hannah. Hannah goes to the bathroom all over Doug again.

That night, Doug and Julie enjoy a candlelit dinner in her apartment. Doug's gone the extra mile and worn a suit. (Looks pretty good too). Julie's impressed by how good Doug is with Hannah. They go into the living room for some more wine. Julie thinks she could make room for Doug in her life; Doug replies that he doesn't take up a lot of space. 

The phone rings before they can kiss. The airline is calling. Julie will lose her spot on the route if she doesn't take a red-eye flight to Omaha that night. She's been on that route's waiting list for 2 years. Julie begs for Doug's help. Doug thinks he'll get in trouble if he brings Hannah to work again, but Julie promises to be back before he has to leave. A kiss is all it takes to make him say yes.

The next morning, Doug comes into the kitchen, turns on the radio, and starts to make coffee. According to the news, Omaha is experiencing a lot of thunderstorms. Doug pours water all over his counter in shock. "Don't close the airports!" he screams at his radio. Hannah starts crying. He contemplates punching the radio, but goes upstairs to take care of Hannah instead.

Central High ends up winning the next round of the scholastic bowl. Davy gets on stage and grabs the microphone to announce Tom's candidacy for student council president. The judge takes the mike back and informs the audience that Central has been disqualified for cheating; therefore, Riverside will be going to the televised finals. Everyone but Tom looks excited.

Tom confronts Davy in the hall because he doesn't want to be class president. On his way back from Riverside, Tom almost gets into a car accident. The driver of the other car gets out, sticks a gun in Tom's face, and tells him not to run for president. That's just fine and dandy as far as Tom's concerned.

Outside school the next morning, Davy is taking bets on the student council election. Tom drives right up to Davy asks why Davy set him up. Davy explains that he owes money to Hoagy and was trying to pay him back by running Tom as a longshot. He's sorry but he didn't want to end up in the hospital like Mr. Laforse.

Tom paces Cap'n Rufus's office shouting about having a gun put in his ear. Rufus says at least he wasn't shot. He wants to see if Hoagy can handle a big loan, say $40,000, or if he'll pass Tom off to his dad. 

The next time Tom goes to Riverside, there's a poster with his picture on it saying he's running for president. Flyers are being passed around as cheerleaders wave their pom-poms. Davy, of course, is behind the campaign. Tom finds Hoagy and fills him in on what it's like to have a gun in your ear. That again? When you're a cop, people pointing guns at you kinda comes with the territory. Davy runs up to Tom saying that Tom's car is being towed.

Tom rushes outside. Harry tells him the car is being repossessed because Tom hasn't made a payment in 6 months. Doug would be so much more believable as a grease monkey. Hoagy's been watching and offers to loan Tom money if Tom drops out of the presidential race.

Doug gives Hannah a bath, using a rubber shark, a toy boat, and crazy voices to reenact the finale of Jaws. He takes her out of the tub when he hears Julie's voice on the answering machine. At least he knows not to leave her in water unattended. Julie won't be able to come home that night because of the storms in Omaha. She hopes Doug and Hannah are having fun.

Doug sinks onto the couch, looking a little overwhelmed. He grabs one of Hannah's toys with his mouth and gently plays tug-of-war with her. Awwww.

Tom shows up at Hoagy's door with an assortment of fake bruises from bouncing a check. With his face. He claims he's in trouble with a drug dealer named Frazier that he worked for and needs $50,000 by the next day. Hoagy goes outside to talk to his father about the loan. Mr. Deleplant doesn't want Hoagy to go through with it. He slaps Hoagy when he finds out that Hoagy's been loan sharking for 2 years. Mr. Deleplant refuses to front his son the money.

Doug, back in his suit, knocks on Julie's door. He checks his breath as he waits for her to answer, but it's her husband Roger who opens the door. Roger invites Doug in. Julie sends Roger into the kitchen. She knows how this must look. Yeah, even Doug knows and he doesn't seem all that bright.

Julie explains that Roger surprised her by buying himself a ticket for her flight to Omaha. They had a lot of time to talk during the layover and decided to get back together for Hannah's sake. Doug is remarkably understanding. He even offers the couple tickets to a ball game that afternoon since his date (odds are on Julie) cancelled on him. He'll even watch Hannah while they're gone.

Before Julie leaves, she lets him know that Hannah needs a diaper change. Doug grins at the baby once they're out of sight. "Let's see if we can find one of Roger's shirts," he says. So much for taking it well. Can't say that I blame him, though. He was used as a free babysitter with the promise of something more later and had the rug pulled out from under his feet.

Tom and Cap'n Rufus walk along a bridge. Hoagy meets them. He lays out the terms of the loan, hands over the cash, and is arrested. At the jail, Mr. Deleplant says he's not getting a lawyer or bailing Hoagy out. It's part of the business to end up there every once in a while. He asks Rufus to send Hoagy somewhere nice. Good luck 'cause juvenile hall isn't a suite at the Ritz.

End of episode.

Case #1.09: "Blindsided"

Doug is sitting on his desk looking over a file folder. He stops Tom and says he has something amazing to show him. "Yo, Blowfish!" Doug calls. A stocky janitor with curly black hair and glasses appears. Apparently, he's the something amazing. Tom asks what he can do. "I'm the human blowfish," the janitor explains. What does that mean exactly? Blowfish doesn't want to do his party trick because he has to fix the heater, the same one he fixed last week.

Doug begs some more and Blowfish relents. Doug tells Harry and Judy to watch. He provides a bit of a Capella fanfare. What follows is borderline indescribable and mildly disturbing. Just watch this video and see for yourself...

Next we see two very familiar people heading up the back steps of a high school courtyard: Doug and Tom. For once, Tom isn't dressed like a prep. He's wearing tight jeans, a denim vest, boots, and a do-rag that looks like it was made out of an old T-shirt. 

Doug is throwing practice punches and discussing a fight they're planning to get into. "We have to win, but we can't hurt 'em." he explains. Tom gripes that it's crazy they came to school early to fight. Doug says Tom shouldn't worry about a fight; after all, Tom did 18 months in juvie for manslaughter. Tom grumpily informs his partner that he didn't ask for that to be part of his cover story.

The partners are sharing a cover this time: the McQuaid brothers. I really hope they're posing as step-brothers or they say one of them was adopted; I'm not sure you could find two guys who look less alike than Peter DeLuise and Johnny Depp.  The McQuaids are tough guys who buy better drugs. "Well, let's buy some better drugs so we can get outta here already," snaps Tom. "3 weeks, it's gettin' kinda old."

They have to take it slow, gradually buying bigger amounts of drugs. Tom guesses that by midterms they'll have enough evidence to bust the president of Colombia. "The college or the country?" Doug wants to know.

Doug points out two guys in letterman jackets (which for some reason are two different sets of colors) and tells Tom to take the little one. The lettermen approach them. Doug and Tom begin punching and wrestling around with the boys. A girl who looks like she's wearing clothes from the '50s watches interestedly.

A teacher breaks it up and starts walking Doug and Tom toward the school building. Doug protests that the lettermen started the fight. The girl in '50s clothes (Diane) eyes up Tom and says, "No one thought you were gonna show." Tom says they had to because they're the McQuaid brothers.

Tom and Doug shout "HELLO!" as they barge into the boys' bathroom. Doug starts shooing everyone out. Two boys stay behind: a ginger and one with black hair tied back in a ponytail. Tom tosses a wad of cash to the ginger; Ponytail tosses Doug a plastic baggie of drugs. Doug wants to buy half a key next. Tom thinks they might as well go for a whole key. The kids will get a 10% finder's fee if they
 can arrange a joint meeting with their supplier. 

At the Chapel, Doug asks Tom why he increased the amount so drastically. Tom explains that they wouldn't be able to get up the ladder if they'd stuck with half a key; Ginger and Ponytail could probably get that on their own. 

Cap'n Rufus tells the officers to make sure they carry out the deal in public so they'll be somewhat safer. Uniformed back-up will be in place to bust Doug and Tom; they'll get bailed out as juvies. "And finally the McQuaid brothers will be history!" cheers Tom. He and Doug do a complicated high-five and shout "Hah!" at each other. Not so fast. They'll be staying undercover at West Union High until Ginger and Ponytail are indicted. That should take roughly 2 more weeks.

Diane walks into the school guidance counselor's office. She has another college in mind that she wants to apply for and needs to copy her letter of recommendation. She heads for the file cabinet. The counselor initially tells her that the files aren't open to students, but trusts Diane enough to just take what she needs. While thumbing through the drawer, Diane runs across two folders labeled Thomas McQuaid and Doug McQuaid.

At a diner, the four boys sit in a booth. Doug slurps up the last of his vanilla milkshake as the ginger's drug connection appears. Ponytail pulls a paper bag from between his legs and passes it under the table to Doug. Doug sits on the bag and asks if the dealer is planning to count the money. The dealer says coolly that he doesn't need to; he'll just kill them if it's not all there.

Cap'n Rufus and Harry walk into the diner wearing their uniforms. Fuller asks what the boys are doing out of school. Tom explains that honor roll students get free time at lunch. Rufus says his kids went to West Union High, so he knows there's no off-campus lunch.

When Doug gets up, Cap'n Rufus notices the paper bag he's carrying and asks to see it. Doug asks if Rufus has a warrant. Rufus grabs Doug by the front of his T-shirt and says, "I got probable cause to open your cranium just lookin' at you, kid." He pushes Doug face-first onto the table. Harry apprehends the supplier. Rufus opens one of the plastic bags and confirms that it contains drugs. He pulls Doug's arms behind his back and we hear the distinctive click of handcuffs.

Back at West Union the next day, rumors are flying. They're making the bust out to be a major raid that involved drug dogs and a SWAT team. People stare as Doug and Tom walk into school. Diane overhears all these conversations and seems starstruck. 

At lunch, Tom complains that he hates doing nothing, which is what's doomed to happen the next few weeks. They kick a boy with glasses out of his seat. Doug, who has 3 cartons of chocolate milk on his tray, swipes the kid's Jello. Tom thinks this is a waste of their time. Doug isn't paying attention; he's too busy tossing a fish stick across the cafeteria.

Diane joins them at their table. "Does your mama know you're here?" asks Doug. Tom gives his partner a pointed look. Doug gets up, leaving Tom and Diane alone. Tom asks if Diane wants to interview him about the drug bust so she can write an editorial for the school paper. Diane knows the rumors about the things McQuaids have done are true. Doug returns, his tray loaded with even more food. Tom tells Diane to get lost.

Doug observes that Tom's finally learned being a bad boy works, "especially with them Girl Scout types you like." He grabs a cup of green Jello and crushes the contents into his mouth. Charming table manners...

By the time school lets out, it's pouring rain. Without so much as a hello, Diane opens the door and gets into Tom's Mustang. "That's my brother's seat," he tells her, undoubtedly mentally calculating what it'll cost to repair any water damage to the leather. Diane asks Tom if it's true that he killed someone and whether he'd be willing to do it again. Tom would if he had to. Diane wants to know if he'd commit murder for hire; she has almost $1,700 saved.

Tom wants to know if someone gave Diane a hard time in study hall or something. Thinking he's haggling over price, Diane says that $1,700 is all she has. She drops a bombshell by choking out that she wants to pay Tom to kill her father. She could bring the money to school the next day if he wants. Whatever Tom was expecting Diane to say, it clearly wasn't that.

That night, Cap'n Rufus tells Doug and Tom that the drug supplier Gibb is out on bail. He has 3 prior felony convictions and would have no qualms about killing them if he found out they were cops. "And that generates massive paperwork," Fuller finishes, "so don't let it happen." Doug is stunned by that remark.

In the dark hallway of an apartment building, someone is fiddling with a door knob. Inside Casa de Penhall, Doug's life is imitating a Billy Joel song ("Sleeping With the Television On"). Whoever is outside finds the spare key on top of the doorframe. Doug doesn't wake up as they enter the apartment. The light clicks on. Suddenly, Doug is standing up with his gun drawn. "FREEZE, DON'T EVEN BLINK!" he shouts.

It's just Tom. Really? You sneak into your partner's house in the middle of the night when you both know a drug dealer might be after you? Dumb-ass. Doug shuffles sleepily to the fridge as Tom says he really needs to talk to someone. It's almost 4 AM. Doug cracks open a beer and asks Tom why he didn't call. 

"You wouldn't have let me in," says Tom. Doug replies, "I know. Why didn't you call?" Since Doug's already up and Tom's already there, he agrees to talk. They sit down on the mismatched living room furniture. Tom wants to talk off the record; he knows Doug wouldn't turn him in.

Doug asks what happened. Tom can only stutter about Diane at first, but eventually gets to the point: She offered him money to murder her father. Doug can't believe what he's hearing. Tom chews on his fingernails. Doug gets up and says he's telling Cap'n Rufus. 
"Wait a second!" Tom begs, "You're my friend!" Yeah, and now he's implicated.

The next morning at his desk, Tom finishes typing a report and asks Doug to sign it. He wants Doug to "forget" to turn it in. Doug doesn't like the plan, but agrees to sign the report. Fuller comes over and wants to know what they're doing at the chapel this time of day. Tom says the McQuaids can skip class. Fuller reminds them their assignment isn't over. "This is nuts, man," Doug hisses.

Tom struts down the halls of West Union. Diane spots him and leads him to an empty classroom her teacher lets her use to study. She opens her purse and Tom tells her to put the money away. Diane protests that Tom said he'd do it. Tom argues that he never agreed to it. She can pay him when the deed is done.

Tom wants to know the reason Diane wants her father dead. Diane says it doesn't matter. Tom asks if Mr. Nelson beats her. She tearfully pleads with him to just take the money and insists the reason doesn't matter. Her father's death is the only way out of whatever situation she's in. Tom tells her to keep an eye on the money and leaves. Diane starts sobbing.

At the Chapel, Harry asks why Tom is so interested in Diane because she isn't part of an official Jump Street case. Tom wants to know what Harry's found out. Apparently, there have been a couple of domestic disturbance calls at the Nelsons. The file is sketchy on details, which are easy to hide when you have rank. Diane's father, Clarence, is the head of the police department's administrative branch.

Tom goes to the records office in his patrol uniform, carrying a briefcase. He tells the desk sergeant that he's picking up the Nelson files for Captain Nelson. The desk sergeant is suspicious and wants to call Nelson. Tom says the sergeant probably just lost the release form and threatens to have Nelson put him on foot patrol. Sergeant Raskin quickly hands over the files.

Cap'n Rufus looks up as Tom comes into his office. Tom asks if he can trust Rufus and explains what Diane asked him to do. Tom hands over the report he's been hiding. He knows it was wrong not to turn her in, but he didn't know what else to do because he's new at this job. Soliciting murder is a Class A felony that could send Diane to the electric chair. Cap'n Rufus is angry at Tom for literally sitting on the report.

Tom admits this is all his fault and Doug filled out the report. Rufus yells for Doug to join them. Doug steps into the office and shuts the door. Cap'n Rufus tells them to never hold back felonies and asks if everything is in the report. Doug says yes but Tom says no; he left out that Diane's father is a police captain. Doug groans.

Tom explains how he tricked the desk sergeant into handing over Nelson's personal files. Tom compares them to Swiss cheese, especially where the disturbance calls are concerned. Cap'n Rufus wants to know if Tom thinks there's a case. Obviously, Tom does or he probably wouldn't have taken such a big chance. Rufus lays out the game plan: He'll call in favors to get the rest of Nelson's files. Tom will turn down Diane's offer and write a report, which Fuller will sit on. That way, Tom won't take the full brunt of any consequences.

The lettermen seen earlier in the episode 
try to ambush Doug in the bathroom. Doug tosses the one in blue into an empty stall and headbutts the one in gray. They knock over the trashcan. Doug tells them to stay down as the same teacher from earlier comes into the bathroom. Doug's sweating and has a bloody nose. The teacher send him to the principal's office and asks where McQuaid #2 is, but Doug doesn't answer.

On the school steps, Tom refuses Diane's offer. She asks if Doug would do it. Nope. Does Tom want more money? No. Tom wants to know why doesn't she just leave it alone. "You do it!" she demands.

Doug, the lettermen, and the teacher are all packed into the principal's office. The principal looks familiar; he played the same role in a TV movie called Kidz in the Wood. The principal wonders out loud why he didn't expel Doug after his arrest. Doug argues that he was just washing his hands when the other two "decided to redecorate the bathroom." The kid in gray says Doug started it.

"Enough!" barks the principal. He suspends the lettermen for a week apiece. Doug will be suspended for 2 weeks. As if Dougie wasn't in enough trouble already with Fuller...

In the Chapel loft, Doug wants to know where Tom was when the jocks ganged up on him. Tom says he was a little busy telling Diane he couldn't murder her father. "Oh, that," says Doug. Memory of a goldfish, that one.

Cap'n Rufus tells Tom and Doug what he found out after calling in his favors. Mrs. Nelson died 4 years ago and that's when the domestic disturbance calls started. Nothing was ever done. Diane had some problems with truancy and ran away once to live with an aunt. The file also contained a confidential recommendation for counseling.

Doug, of course, doesn't get what all that stuff means. To Cap'n Rufus, it sounds like Diane is a victim of sexual abuse. Doug looks pissed and says to Tom, "Maybe you should whack him. Maybe I'll do it for ya." Tom thinks they could be wrong. Cap'n Rufus will take the hit if they are. The only way to get Diane out of the house, though, is to convince her to file charges against her father.

At the grocery store, Tom finds Diane in the bread aisle. He shows her his badge. He lets her know that they've checked her dad's files and know what's happened. Diane says they made a mistake. Tom bluntly states Diane wanted her father dead because he sexually assaulted her. Tom can't help her if she doesn't file charges. 
Diane has tried to get help before but no one believes her. Tom says he believes her. Diane refuses to file charges and tells Tom not to bother her again.

Tom tells Cap'n Rufus that Diane won't cooperate. There's only one option left to get Diane out of harm's way and it's not a pleasant one: They'll have to arrest her for solicitation of murder and lock her up in juvie. If she admits to being abused while she's there, the charge will probably get dropped. Tom wants to be the one to arrest her. 

Tom arrives at the Nelsons and knocks on the door. A preteen girl in an outdated, oversized sweater and blouse answers; it's Diane's little sister Leslie. Captain Nelson asks what's going on. Leslie says there's a boy who wants to talk to Diane. She leads Tom in the kitchen.

Diane recognizes Tom instantly and tells him to go away. Tom tells her to get Leslie out of the house. Diane sends Leslie to stay with some neighbors. Tom lets her know he has an arrest warrant. Diane refuses to go with him. Tom says she doesn't have a choice.

Captain Nelson hears them arguing and comes into the kitchen. Tom introduces himself as a police officer. He says Diane is under arrest for soliciting Captain Nelson's murder, which they think was prompted by him sexually abusing her. 

Captain Nelson advances on them and tries to pull Diane away from Tom, knocking her into a wall. Tom pulls out his gun. The two men struggle briefly and Tom ends up shooting Captain Nelson. Cap'n Rufus comes in with back-up and asks what happened. Tom is in shock. He apologizes for shooting Nelson, but says he had no choice.

Cops, crime scene tape, and curious neighbors surround the house as Captain Nelson is loaded into an ambulance. An Internal Affairs detective thinks it looks like Tom tried to live up to his contract. Cap'n Rufus tells Mr. IA he's out of line. Mr. IA takes Tom's gun and badge. Tom is cuffed.

At police headquarters, IAD says that Captain Nelson won't die from his injuries. They ask if Tom has anything to add to his statement. No. IAD warns Tom he'll be tried in the press and will probably lose. I think they're overestimating how many people would feel sorry for a man who molested his own child.

Tom visits Diane in the hospital. She's there because the paramedics had to sedate her after the shooting. Diane seems oddly relieved that her father isn't dead. She's afraid no one will like her again because she was molested.

Tom ends up being cleared by IAD and the shooting review board. Cap'n Rufus says Diane probably won't go to jail for soliciting murder. Tom hates Captain Nelson for what he put his daughters through. He feels shaky because it's the first time he's ever had to shoot someone. Diane will most likely get off with probation and become Leslie's guardian. She'll get therapy and a cash settlement from the police department.

There's a loud "EEEEEEE" from outside. Doug opens Rufus's office door with a grin and asks if Tom got his badge back. He needs Tom's help taking down Ponytail and Ginger. He and Tom slap hands and yell "Hah!" 

In the West Union boys' bathroom, Tom and Doug are preparing to make their bust when the jocks arrive. They announce that they're cops and tell all 4 boys to get up against the wall.

The episode ends with Tom and Diane walking around a lake together. FUN FACT: Diane Nelson was played by Johnny Depp's girlfriend at the time Sherilyn Fenn.