Doug has been rescued from the loony bin since our last recap. He's currently disassembling his motorcycle's transmission on his kitchen counter. Dorothy comes in, dressed in a robe and nightgown, reminding him to take the trash out on his way to work. She stops in her tracks when she sees what he's doing. "The garage is still flooded from the storm," Doug explains, "Besides, the light's better." "Where are we supposed to eat?" Dorothy demands. Doug sounds puzzled as he replies, "We already ate." "Breakfast, Doug!" she shouts, "Where are we supposed to eat breakfast?"
Doug moves some parts, leaving about a six-inch wide space on the counter. Dorothy is irritated with Doug and the motorcycle is just the tip of the iceberg. There's the drinking milk out of the carton and him wiping his mouth on the tablecloth. "Don't you care about anything that matters to me?" Dorothy asks. Doug asks her the same thing. "Everything I do, you always pick, pick, pick!" he says through gritted teeth, "Don't put wet towels on the bed. Don't clip your toenails on the couch. Don't you have anything better to do with your time than just pick?!"
I think Peter DeLuise is doing the Method acting thing here; during a portion of the series' run, he actually was married to Gina Nemo, who plays Dorothy.
Dorothy scowls: "You...are...leaving!" She shoves some tools and parts off the counter. Doug sits for a moment in stunned silence. Finally, he calls after her, "This is my house!"
Doug walks down the snowy street carrying a duffel bag and a big suitcase. He knocks on Tom's door. For reasons unknown, Tom answers with a wooden duck in hand. Doug announces, "Dorothy threw me out." "That's terrible," says Tom, though he doesn't look or sound surprised about it. Doug needs somewhere to stay. "You need a place for the night, you got it," Tom invites. "Actually," Doug chuckles nervously, "I need a place to live." Tom blinks and stays quiet. "You don't think our friendship could survive us livin' together?" Doug asks. Tom replies, "Do you?"
Doug walks back down the street. He buzzes Booker's apartment. Booker answers the door shirtless and disheveled. A girl comes out and caresses his bare chest. Doug turns around, walks downstairs, and heads back to the street with his luggage.
Montage time! At Blowfish's house, the toddler throws spaghetti at Doug and one of the older boys shoots him in the crotch with a suction cup arrow. He knocks on another door and works up his best sad puppy-dog face. "Dorothy?" Harry guesses. Doug nods pathetically. Harry motions him in and picks a piece of spaghetti off the bill of Doug's trucker cap.
At home, Judy's in her nightgown and her shirtless gentleman caller Marcus teases that he didn't know she was so good at making cereal. Judy jokes that raisin rounds are her specialty. That means Marcus has to impress her with dinner. "I'm already impressed," Judy flirts.
Marcus hugs Judy and starts kissing her neck. Judy tells Marcus he'll be late for work if he doesn't go home and change soon. "I could borrow something," Marcus suggests, "How 'bout your green sweater dress?" Judy giggles that he looks good in green. She tells Marcus that she's never been this happy. Marcus hasn't either. He kisses her neck more and they fall out of sight.
In the Chapel, Marcus sits at a desk near Judy's punching numbers into a calculator. He must be a city auditor because Tom mentions that he's gone through all the division's expense accounts and even their vacation schedules. Judy defends Marcus, who's auditing other departments too. She asks Doug if Dorothy is trying to make up yet. Doug has a interesting perspective on their relationship: "Deep down, all women hate men. It's that envy thing. Men got what women can't have, so they resent our, uh..." "Plumbing," Blowfish finishes. Tom quips that's a very Freudian remark.
Doug thinks it'll be great living with Harry "just two men having fun and none of that plumbing envy stuff." He and Harry wag their thumbs at each other. Blowfish teases that they make a cute couple.
Cap'n Rufus asks Judy if she's getting anywhere on the lover's lane flasher case. She's still interviewing witnesses. "Take Inspector Rainey along with you," Rufus says, gesturing to Marcus. Councilman Davis wants Marcus to go out in the field and see how Jump Street operates. Rufus knows everyone resents Marcus and "the sooner we get him off our backs, the better."
On a high school's ground, Marcus asks if Cap'n Rufus knows about their relationship. Judy replies, "Well, we certainly wouldn't be here if he did." She doesn't like keeping secrets from Fuller. Marcus says they can take Rufus for drinks after he finishes his Jump Street audit.
In the school, they interview Ned, a boy in a striped sweater. Ned gripes that the flasher ruined his good time; it took him 6 months to convince his girlfriend Emma to go to Lover's Lane. Judy asks for a description of the flasher. Ned laughs and purposely misinterprets the question, "What do you think it looked like?"
Judy and Marcus cobble together a description of the flasher as they talk to the kids: white guy, about 6 feet, long brown hair. "Boy, that narrows it down," Marcus says. No kidding and there's somebody at Jump Street fitting that description.
Outside the school, Judy and Marcus happen to see a pair of guys steal a teacher's purse. Judy chases them. She yanks one kid off the chainlink fence he was trying to climb and Marcus grabs the other. The second guy pulls a knife on him. Judy draws her gun and orders, "Drop it." Marcus grabs the kid and manages to disarm him.
At Judy's house, she and Marcus drink wine and roast hot dogs in front of the fireplace. "You almost got me in trouble today," Judy says. She told Marcus to stay put after the purse snatching. Marcus is sorry but he didn't want the kid to get away. He's never seen anything as beautiful as Judy tearing after the kids in her cowboy boots.
Harry's practicing with his nunchuks in his apartment's kitchen because poor Harry is a walking Asian cliche. Doug comes in with a grocery bag, calling, "Hi, honey, I'm home!" Then in a horrible Asian accent, he adds, "You have offended my famiry." Doug unpacks a sixer of beer and a carton of milk. He promises that living with him will be easy because his stuff won't take up much room; he's only got "like 6 shirts and 3 pairs of blue jeans."
Doug starts to drink milk out of the carton, but grabs a glass instead. He tells Harry that girls would love his kitchen and all the nice appliances. Doug accidentally knocks over the open milk carton and promises to clean up the mess.
Cap'n Rufus assigns Doug and Harry to the Simmons Drive flasher full-time. Doug isn't sure about this: "You want us to hang out at a lover's lane lookin' for a pervert?" Rufus nods. Judy comes in for work. Doug tells her to watch out because Rufus is in a mood. She thinks he'll relax after the audit is over. The phone rings and Harry answers, then tells Marcus that his wife is calling. At this, Judy gives Marcus some wicked side-eye. Marcus freezes, knowing he's been caught.
Judy runs out of the Chapel and down the stairs. Marcus follows, calling after her. She gets in her car. Marcus tries to explain himself through the open window, offering the usual excuse that he doesn't love his wife anymore. "And you're gonna ask her for a divorce any day now and I have to be patient," Judy guesses. Marcus says that he never said those things. "You didn't have to," Judy says, starting her car and driving away. She stops down the street, parks, and starts crying.
In a diner, Jackie announces she wants to go on a romantic getaway with Tom and has a stack of brochures for him to look through: Aspen, Maui, Costa Rica. Tom suggests they go that weekend since they're both sick of just talking about a vacation. Jackie says no because she has plans to go to a party with people from work. Tom hates her work parties; he always ends up stuck talking to Councilman Davis.
Marcus confronts Judy in the Chapel locker room about not returning his calls. I think she has every right to be pissed. She starts to leave and he grabs her arm. Judy tells him not to touch her. He repeats that he and his wife aren't happy in their marriage. He tries to sweet-talk Judy. Judy doesn't want to see him anymore.
Later, Blowfish brings a dozen red roses to Judy's desk. Marcus is at his desk and watches her read the card. Judy tosses the bouquet in the trash and leaves the squadroom. Good for her!
When Harry gets home, he has trouble getting in the apartment due to the pile of laundry against the door. Doug is singing opera rather horribly in the living room. There's a bag of trash on the counter with a note that says DUMP ME taped to it. Harry picks some clothes off the floor. Doug is sitting on the couch wearing a towel on his head like a turban, clipping his toenails. Harry rolls his eyes.
Judy's phone is ringing off the hook. She lets the machine get it. No surprise, it's Marcus. At work the next morning, Marcus stares at her from across the room. He even follows her into the ladies' room. He tells her that today is his last day auditing Jump Street. Judy reminds him they're not in a relationship anymore and that he lied to her. Marcus reminds her that she lied to Cap'n Rufus about them being together. "I didn't lie to you," she points out. Marcus grabs her again. Judy pushes him away. She yells at him to leave her alone.
Marcus follows her out of the bathroom. "I can't stand to lose you, Judy," he says and promises he'll do anything. Doug, on his way from the men's room, watches Marcus curiously. He doesn't say anything to him.
Judy is outside again sitting on the steps. Doug asks if Marcus is bothering her. She tells him that she and Marcus had been dating. "Sure, you and that yo-yo, right," snickers Doug. She explains that Marcus is angry with her for breaking things off.
"You had a romp with the guy auditing the program?" asks Doug, sitting next to her. Judy insists, "It wasn't a romp!" Doug asks how she could be so stupid; Marcus could affect everyone's jobs. He advises Judy not to sleep with coworkers. Judy is incredulous: "Oh, that's rich coming from you!" referring, of course, to their almost-one night stand last season. Doug argues that was different.
In Jackie's office, Tom tells her about Judy and Marcus sleeping together. Jackie thinks that if a woman wants to get involved with a coworker, she should be prepared for the consequences. Tom is confused that she isn't on Judy's side. I am too, given that Marcus lied about being married; the coworker part should take a backseat.
Cap'n Rufus tells Judy about the report from the auditor, which says Jump Street "has a cavalier attitude toward police procedure." Marcus wrote that she pursued an armed suspect while with an unarmed civilian. Judy admits to running after the purse snatcher and not calling for backup. Marcus has also accused Judy of doing incomplete and sloppy interviews. She tells Rufus, "It's a misunderstanding. I can clear it up."
Judy goes to Marcus's office and asks him to refile the reports "the way it really happened." "File the reports the way it really happened," he repeats. Judy slaps him across the face. Marcus says they can't pretend that their feelings for each other disappeared. "We've said all we have to say to each other. You're burning me," Judy says. Marcus insists that Judy is burning him.
At the dinner party, Tom predictably is roped into talking to Councilman Davis. Everyone is drinking champagne and a band is playing classical music. Jackie's friend Rachel tells her, "There's no point in sleeping your way down the ladder." And I didn't think Jackie's friends could be any bitchier than Jackie herself is.
On Lover's Lane, kids are kissing on motorcycles and in cars. Someone in silver sequined high heels is walking unsteadily around. It's Harry, also wearing a blond wig, makeup, and a short, tight black skirt. He gets in a car with Doug and asks why he's the one in drag. "'Cause the skirt fit you," says Doug. Harry rubs his feet, griping that this plan better work. Doug checks his watch, which is actually borrowed from Harry. "I figured it'd clash with your outfit," he quips.
Harry remarks that Doug borrows a lot of stuff. Doug promises his roommate that he'll stop if it bothers him. Harry inquires if Doug took the trash out. "I was supposed to do that?" says Doug. He thinks Harry's apartment looks like "it's still waiting for the original owners to move in." Harry tells Doug that he's inconsiderate. Doug returns the watch.
Doug sees a man in a trenchcoat peeking in the windows of a car. "Thank you, God!" he cheers, eager to solve the case. "You said it," Harry agrees. Doug tells the man to stop; he doesn't. "Come on, don't run!" Doug growls as he chases Trenchcoat. Harry catches up to Trenchcoat and tackles him.
Doug pulls the coat open and says, "Hey! You're not naked!" "Disappointed?" asks the man, who explains that he's there looking for his daughter; he demands, "What are you perverts doing here?" Doug tells him about the flasher. Trenchcoat punches Harry in the face; he falls backwards into Doug's arms. "Pervert," mutters Trenchcoat.
Judy explains to Cap'n Rufus about going out with Marcus. "If I tell Councilman Davis one of his boys is sexually harassing one of my officers, he's gonna want proof," Rufus says. Judy is upset with herself because she feels like she let this happen. Rufus says Marcus has no right to go after her professionally. Judy just wants him to stop. Rufus tells her there's no easy option; it's her word against his.
In Marcus's office, Judy asks why he's harassing her. Marcus promises to get out of her life forever if she says she doesn't love him. Judy can't because a part of her still does. "Then I can't let you go," says Marcus. Judy says, "You lied to me and now you're jeopardizing my career."
Marcus never meant to hurt her. Yeah right. He only wrote the reports to make her listen and will change them if he gets another chance. Judy needs to think about it. They kiss briefly on the lips. Back home, Judy takes the wire out from under her shirt and the tape recorder out of her purse.
On Lover's Lane, Harry is back in drag and giving Doug the silent treatment. Doug apologizes for yelling at him the night before. He appreciates Harry giving him a place to live and doesn't know what he would've done if Harry hadn't been there. Trying to lighten the mood, he taps his cheek and says, "Gimme a little kiss." Harry refuses but forgives Doug.
Doug gets out of the car to go pee in the bushes. A guy in a trenchcoat comes up to the car and flashes them. "So whaddaya think?" he asks. Doug says, "Impressive", shows the pervert his badge, and asks, "What do you think?"
Judy and Marcus meet near an empty swimming pool. He asks if she's had time to think. Judy tells him she was wearing a wire and will file a sexual harassment complaint if he doesn't change the report. Marcus says, "I'm not gonna slink away with my tail between my legs just because you have a tape."
Judy gives Jackie the tape. Jackie warns her that a trial could get ugly, but lets her know that it isn't her fault. There may be a way to resolve this without the courts, however. The two women go to Councilman Davis's office, where he just happens to be talking to Marcus. Cap'n Rufus is there too. Jackie says she's giving Davis a chance to handle the matter in-house, but they'll take it to trial if they have to.
Davis says Marcus is a longtime employee with a spotless record. Jackie takes the tape out of her briefcase and plays it. Marcus shuts it off midway through and admits to doctoring the reports. Outside in the hallway, Judy cries on Cap'n Rufus's shoulder.
What's probably meant to be months later, Judy bumps into Marcus outside a store. He tells her that he works for a different city department now and is recently divorced. She walks away. End of episode.